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Marcy R. Adelman - Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents

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Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents
Author:
Marcy R Adelman
Publisher:
Routledge
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Books / Home and family
Year:
2000
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Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents: summary, description and annotation

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What awaits lesbians at middle age?Midlife Lesbian Relationships explores the rich world of lesbian relationships at midlife, from dating through the loss of parents, and describes the central relationship between who we are as adults and our connections with friends, lovers, parents, and children.Midlife Lesbian Relationships will help lesbians and the professionals who counsel them navigate and understand the midlife transition. Offering both theoretical and descriptive material, this timely work discusses the difficulties of stigma and the strengths of female same-sex relationships, providing insight into the challenges lesbians find at middle age.Midlife Lesbian Relationships provides insight into the challenges and solutions of middle age for lesbians, discussing:

friendships
dating and courtship
couple relationships and the key ingredients that strengthen and deepen them
parenting young children and the influence of lesbian midlife maturation on confidence and satisfaction in mothering
substance abuse and the road to recovery
the evolution of the bonds between these women and their biological families
what many lesbians in middle age go through when their parents pass away, including the easing of internalized homophobia

Midlife Lesbian Relationships illustrates the commonalities and differences between lesbians and other women at midlife, and illuminates how the interplay between middle age and relationships can contribute to midlife development. Make this valuable volume part of your collection!

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Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents

Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents has been co-published simultaneously as Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services, Volume 11, Numbers 2/3 2000.

Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents

Marcy R. Adelman, PhD
Editor

Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents has been co-published simultaneously as Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services, Volume 11, Numbers 2/3 2000.

First published 2000 by

The Haworth Press, Inc., 10 Alice Street, Binghamton,
NY 13904-1580 USA.

Published 2015 by Routledge
52 Vanderbilt Avenue, New York, NY 10017, USA
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN

Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business

Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents has been co-published simultaneously as Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social ServicesTM, Volume 11, Numbers 2/3 2000.

2000 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, microfilm and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

The development, preparation, and publication of this work has been undertaken with great care. However, the publisher, employees, editors, and agents of The Haworth Press and all imprints of The Haworth Press, Inc., including The Haworth Medical Press and Pharmaceutical Products Press, are not responsible for any errors contained herein or for consequences that may ensue from use of materials or information contained in this work. Opinions expressed by the author(s) are not necessarily those of The Haworth Press, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Midlife lesbian relationships: friends, lovers, children and parents/Marcy R. Adelman, editor.
p. cm.
Has been co-published simultaneously as Journal of gay & lesbian social services, volume 11, numbers 2/3 2000.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-56023-141-6 (alk. paper)-ISBN 1-56023-142-4 (alk. paper)
1. Middle aged lesbians-United States-Family relationships. 2. Lesbian couples-United States. 3. Lesbian mothers-United States. 4. Children of gay parents-United States. I. Adelman, Marcy. II. Journal of gay & lesbian social services.
HQ75.6.U5 M53 2000
305.244-dc21 00-031966

ISBN 13: 978-1-56023-142-4 (hbk)

Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents
CONTENTS

Jacqueline S. Weinstock

Valory Mitchell

Jeanette Gurevitch

SuzannaRose

Debra Zand

Dana G. Finnegan
Emily B. McNally

Christa Donaldson

Sharon M. Raphael

Mina K. Meyer

ABOUT THE EDITOR

Marcy Adelman, PhD, is a writer, researcher in lesbian and gay aging and a psychologist in private practice in San Francisco, California. She is editor of Long Time Passing: Lives of Older Lesbians, an anthology that presents the stories of old lesbians told in their own voices. She is a national leader of workshops on the psychotherapy of lesbian couples. Currently she is co-chair of Rainbow Adult Community Housing, (RACH), a non-profit organization committed to creating senior housing in the San Francisco Bay Area for the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender community.

This collection of essays has been compiled to expand our understanding of lesbians at midlife by exploring the complexities of relationships and bonds that sustain and nurture our lives. Since so many aspects of a womans sense of self are embedded in her relationships, what better way to understand the issues facing lesbians at midlife than to explore our relationships to significant others. The articles in this volume spotlight relationships with friends, lovers, parents, and children and experiences with dating, recovery, and loss.

For most lesbian and heterosexual women, midlife is a positive, spirited time. Confident and established both in ourselves and in our communities, most women at midlife have constructed comfortable identities and lives. But midlife is also a time of change and growth uniquely informed by self-perceptions accumulated over half a lifetime of experiences and energized by the awareness of the finiteness of our lives.

Consolidation and expansion of self is the internal process of midlife development, and the external process is the reshaping of our lives to reflect and affirm a new midlife sense of ourselves. Thus, a common narrative among women at midlife which reflects this process is the acquisition of greater self-awareness and increased self-acceptance. Midlife tales typically involve transition and change, when a woman comes to terms with who she is through self-acceptance or through retrieving a self previously limited by family loyalties and/or cultural prescriptions of how she should live and age.

Change and personal growth can occur at this time of development in response to arriving where we intended to be and/or to losses and disappointments. Either impetus typically ushers in a period of reflection and a revision of the life narrative. An important part of the midlife review is an acknowledgement of regrets, disappointments, and limitations, as well as gains, successes, and strengths. After a reappraisal of strengths and shortcomings, achievements and limitations, a woman may modify her life course only slightly or feel compelled to more dramatic action to match internal changes. This period of transition can be anything from a quiet contemplation and conscious and/or unconscious self-examination, to a topsy-turvy time of action and reaction fueled by an urgent awareness of our mortality. Patterns of this reconfiguration are wonderfully and endlessly diverse for both lesbians and heterosexuals. Valory Mitchells article, The Bloom Is on the Rose: The Impact of Midlife on the Lesbian Couple, describes how responses to the vicissitudes of midlife can alter and expand a lesbians sense of self and her primary relationship. Jeanette Gurevitchs paper, Filial Bereavement: Midlife Lesbian Daughters and Intersubjective Thoughts, discusses the impact of filial loss on the midlife development of lesbian daughters. Both articles have a clinical focus and illustrate issues with vignettes and quotes from clinical material.

[Haworth co-indexing entry note]: Preface. Adelman, Marcy R. Co-published simultaneously in Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services (Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc.) Vol. 11, No. 2/3, 2000, pp. xvii-xxi; and: Midlife Lesbian Relationships: Friends, Lovers, Children, and Parents (ed: Marcy R. Adelman) Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc., 2000, pp. xiii-xvii. Single or multiple copies of this article are available for a fee from The Haworth Document Delivery Service [1-800-342-9678, 9:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. (EST). E-mail address: ].

To understand the unique midlife lesbian issues and adaptations discussed in this volume, it is important to understand some essential differences between lesbians and heterosexual women. Lesbian couples are of the same biological sex and therefore share the same gender socialization. Also, lesbian development is influenced by the degree of hostility towards lesbians in our culture and an individuals psychosocial skills and social resources available to deal with homophobia. It is here that the differences in midlife issues between lesbian and heterosexual women begin to emerge.

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