Ashworth Trisha - Just when you thought you were comfortable in your own skin, it starts to sag: rewriting the rules of midlife

We dedicate this book to the Perennialsthe pioneers of this generation who are reinventing what it means to be strong, innovative, confident women of any age. A new movement has begun, and we are so grateful that were forging new ground together. We are uniquely enduring.

Copyright 2018 by Amy Nobile and Trisha Ashworth

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Nobile, Amy, author. | Ashworth, Trisha, author.
Title: Just when youre comfortable in your own skin, it starts to sag : rewriting the rules of midlife / Amy Nobile, Trisha Ashworth.
Description: San Francisco : Chronicle Books, [2018]
Identifiers: LCCN 2017021301 | ISBN 9781452164335 (hc : alk. paper); ISBN 9781452164403 (epub, mobi)
Subjects: LCSH: Middle aged women. | Middle agePsychological aspects. | Self-esteem. | Self-realization.
Classification: LCC HQ1059.4 .N63 2018 | DDC 155.6/6dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017021301

Designed by Tonje Vetleseter

Typesetting by Howie Severson

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W e know you. You are that woman others always describe as having it together. By all measures, you guess, its kind of true. In the past handful of decades, youve ticked some pretty major accomplishments off a list, including, but not limited to: getting a good education, falling in love, falling out of love and surviving, becoming a great friend, crushing it in your work (whether thats coordinating playdates for littles, running a hedge fund, or something in between). Youve played by the rules. Maybe you had some kids and learned how to navigate being a mom, being a spouse, and getting just enough yoga, water, and green juice into your days to feel vaguely balanced. Youve been a shoulder to cry on for friends and family in need, and youve been there to celebrate every milestone.

So then why, after pushing so hard for so many years, do you feel like youre hitting some kind ofplateau? You used to have hobbies, passions, causes. But lately, it seems like all you have are tasks and to-dos, surging hormones, and sagging eyelids. And as you contemplate the next period of your life, youre finding yourself thirsting for more, craving something elsesomething meaningful, purposeful, but also confusingly absent. You also finally have more time to think about yourself, and youre excited about being able to make yourself a priority again in life. Its just thatyoure not entirely sure who that person is at the moment. Or who shes becoming.

Youve whispered these confusingly esoteric feelings to a few choice friends, and while they give you an ohmigod I feel these feelings too nod and smile, it is still tough to articulate, and even tougher to try to solve. The words that swirl in your head boil down to, Is this not enough? Isthisit?

Take a deep breath.

You are in great company. We feel you. Millions of other women at this Midlife Moment do too. We believe we are at a unique pivot-point in our lives, at a unique time for women in this generation, and we are all uniquely poised to find a new kind of balance and meaning. This book is our way to wrap our arms around the situation, and each other, share some collective wisdom, and find some relief andhopefullya few creative ideas and solutions.

Its scaryyou dont know what the story now looks like. I always knew the story before.

Shelly, 49
CHICAGO, IL

W e are fast and forever best friends, collaborators, entrepreneurs, creatives, dedicated spouses, and (not last, definitely not least) moms. After writing three best-selling books about motherhood and marriage and producing a TV show for Lifetime, we should have been feeling pretty fulfilled.

But despite having seemingly everything one might need to lead a happy, full life, we were finding ourselves struggling with our own relevance, grappling with our own feelings of fulfillment. Even after writing several successful books, we were failing to appreciate the moment and enjoy the time. We were too busy wondering what was coming next. And with every new idea we had, we heard Ohhhh no, you cant do THAT from all angles, which became exhausting.

We knew we were lucky enough to have the time to even question how we were feeling. Our lives looked perfect to many. We live in nice homes and can afford to take vacations, for which we are incredibly thankful. Weve been on stage with Oprah. We have healthy kids, who are by all measures headed on the right paths; we have supportive and successful husbands; we have all four limbs and good heads (and hair!) on our shoulders; we have semi-functioning households; we have our mental and physical health situations largely under control.

You cant create a life plan. I never would have imagined myself forty-seven years old and divorced with a kid.

Shauna, 47