Diana Cage - Mind-Blowing Sex: A Womans Guide
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Confidence, health, and self-knowledge are the keys to a happier sex lifeand sex expert Diana Cage is here to teach you how to achieve all three. Mind-Blowing Sex is an inclusive, hands-on guide to making sex more enjoyable for readers of all sexual orientations. Beginning with a brief historical overview, the book provides women and their lovers with an expansive view of female sexualityfrom where its been to where its headedand takes a contemporary approach to sex, offering direct tips and informed advice on how to have the best, most gratifying sex possible. Irreverent yet insightful, Cage covers both the emotional and physical aspects involved in increasing sexual pleasureincluding tuning into your sexual fantasies, overcoming hang-ups, touching and being touched, choosing and introducing toys, and understanding female anatomy and orgasms.
Straight-talking and non-judgmental, Mind-Blowing Sex will help womenstraight and queerto open their minds, reject stereotypes, educate themselves and their lovers, and learn how to enjoy sex more than ever before.
Straight-talking and non-judgmental, Mind-Blowing Sex will help womenstraight and queerto open their minds, reject stereotypes, educate themselves and their lovers, and learn how to enjoy sex more than ever before.
Diana Cage: author's other books
Who wrote Mind-Blowing Sex: A Womans Guide? Find out the surname, the name of the author of the book and a list of all author's works by series.
Maree Stachel-Williamson
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Miss Aventuras De Viaje
Xaviera Hollander
Violet Blue
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Table of Contents
FOR CHARLES
INTRODUCTION: WELCOME TO PARADISE
THIS IS A book about sex. Its also a book about women, our bodies, how we use them, how they work, and why they sometimes dont work the way wed like them to. Its a book about sexuality, eroticism, pornography, desire, arousal, and satiation. Included in this book is only the tiniest bit of science, because Im not a scientist. Im a bit of a sexologist, if a sexologist is a person who studies sex. Truthfully, Im more like a sexual adventurer, a sex writer, thinker, critic, and philosopher. Mostly I get called a sexpert, but Im not sure anyone is ever an expert at sex.
This book is also about love, to a certain degree, in that loving oneself is a necessary component of mind-blowing sex.
Together were going to take a tour of our bodies and our sexuality. Sexual shame often prevents us from really getting a good look at ourselves. There is plenty of talk about the wrongs of sex and the bad parts of sex, and yet theres very little information about empowering sex. Constant negative feedback about female sexuality affects our ability to explore our desire. Our sexuality is demeaned, trivialized, controlled. Were divided into categories like MILFs, Cougars, and Lolitas. So much meaning is attached to our bodies that theres barely any room left for any other expression of who we are beyond our physical selves. The female body is public domain. Our own bodies are used to sell us things so often that sometimes we forget we own them.
Something I know to be true, without a doubt, is that the more you understand yourself, the happier you are. This same concept applies to sexthe more you understand sex the better it is. And sex needs more attention from womenwho are seen more often as sex objects than sexual beings. We need sex as much as we need food, water, shelter, and love. Great sex can be rejuvenating, healing, rewarding, and it can fulfill our deepest needs for intimacy and connection. Our desire to have sex with someone is how we know that a person is more than a friend. Great sex can make you fall in love.
When we feel confident, healthy, and sexy, our lives are happier places. Feeling sexy is like feeling invincible. But that feeling doesnt come easily in a society with a very narrow definition of sexy. Every outlet through which information can be disseminated will tell you what is and isnt sexy, but its all misguided. Sex is personal; sexy is subjective. We can get turned on by anything and everything. Having mind-blowing sex is about rejecting the messages you receive about your sexuality that dont ring true to you. Feeling sexy and finding great sex is more about shutting out that erroneous information than listening to it. Once youve learned to navigate the perils of societal expectations and messages that keep you from fully being yourself, sex will become the most amazing, fulfilling, empowering experience you can have.
You may come across a new thing or two in these pages, especially once we get out of our heads and into our bodies. If you come across something unfamiliar, read about it. If it doesnt appeal to you, you dont have to do it. Dont be afraid of new ideas. Consider new paths to pleasure and dont judge paths chosen by others. At the very least youll have some new topics with which to wow guests at your next dinner party.
I LOVE SEX. I especially love writing, talking, and reading about sex. I love kinky sex and vanilla sex, married sex, and casual sex. Rough sex, embarrassing sex, probably-shouldnt-have sex, funny sex, awkward sex, intimate sex, anonymous sex. The only bad sex is sex that makes you feel bad. Sex is liberating as long as were liberated.
Ive divided this book into three parts. Part 1 is the foundation you need to get the sex life you want. Its about changing your attitudes, unlearning obsessive and self-harming behaviors, and letting go of the hang-ups that do nothing but hold you back.
Part 2 will teach you how to do all sorts of things better: introduce you to new techniques and give you a greater understanding of just how smoothly the physical side of sex can work once youve mastered the skills.
Part 3 is for sexual adventurers. Its for the single folks who want to remain forever memorable to their lovers and the married couples that want to take their sex lives to a whole new realm of sexual experimentation. Part 3 is full of advice about the little extras and the kinky fun. It offers advice for a lifetime of fulfilling sex.
For the two hundred-plus pages, forget sexual orientation and sexual identity; we dont need them right now. If you are female, by biology or identity, this book is for you. Straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, queer, mainstream, alternative, urban, suburban, polyamorous, marriedwe have similar sexual needs. Our specific tastes and preferred techniques might vary, but our sexual response and basic physical and psychological requirements are pretty much the same.
With that in mind, Ive done my best to be inclusive. Sometimes I address women with male partners, sometimes its about women with female partners, and within the categories of male and female I address a whole array of genders. Femaleness comes in many forms, not all of them feminine. My own sexuality has manifested in so many different ways that while I call myself a lesbian, I have been, at different times in my life, straight and married, straight, married, and bicurious, polyamorous, nonmonogamous, in an open marriage, bisexual and single, the straight partner of a transgendered man, and for the past ten years, a lesbian in relationships with women. Regardless of the sex or gender of my partner, my body always worked exactly the same way. My sexuality was never about who I was having sex with, it was about who I was when I was having sex.
Gender gets a lot of attention in this book as well. Talking and thinking about gender is important to every type of couple. Its easy to get hung up on masculinity and femininity in bed. Weve burdened all sorts of fun sexual acts with gender hang-ups. And thats got to go. Gender and gender roles can make sex exciting; theres a sexual tension that stems from our differences. But theres a way to enjoy gender differences without being imprisoned by them.
Understanding gender and our expectations around it is an essential part of accepting ourselves and our partners. Women are expected to fall naturally into a more passive role in bed. Its something were taught as children: women should wait around for someone to want them, for the man to ask them out and initiate sex. You might have desires that fall outside of traditional femininity but repress them thinking your partner wont find you attractive. Sometimes those of us who fall along the feminine side of the gender spectrum worry that our partners wont find us attractive if we arent dressed up all the time. Or maybe we worry that the things that get us hot in bed will make us seem slutty or make us feel guilty. We sometimes hold ourselves back from real pleasure worrying that embracing what we want will make us seem less attractive.
These same insecurities affect our partners. Men, for instance, are often stuck in what they think is masculine behavior. And their fear of not being masculine enough prevents them from having all sorts of pleasure in bed that they could have if they let down their gender guard a bit. But its not just men that are roped into this limited interpretation of masculinity, either. Anyone who identifies with masculinity can struggle with this. Its not uncommon for butch lesbians, transmen, or even women with masculine partners to quantify and qualify masculinity, policing it for transgressiveness and preventing themselves or their partners from experimenting sexually and socially.
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