Kort - Gay affirmative therapy for the straight clinician: the essential guide

Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician

A NORTON PROFESSIONAL BOOK

The Essential Guide

Joe Kort

Copyright 2008 by Joe Kort

All rights reserved
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Kort, Joe.
Gay affirmative therapy for the straight clinician : the essential guide / Joe Kort.1st ed.
p. ; cm.
A Norton Professional Book.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-393-70497-6 (hardcover)
1. GaysMental health. 2. LesbiansMental health. 3. HomosexualityPsychological aspects. 4. Psychotherapy. I. Title. [DNLM: 1. Homosexualitypsychology. 2. Psychotherapymethods. 3. Professional-Patient Relations. WM 420 K85g 2008]

RC451.4.G39K67 2008
616.89008664dc22
2007029106

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This book is dedicated to the memory of my dog, Maud (19952007), who taught me to rest, play, and especially, to become more alpha!

F irst and foremost I want to thank my partner of 15 years, Mike Cramer. You are my good luck charm. Ever since we met my life has totally changed for the better and has continued to get better ever since. You encouraged me to write and follow my dreams. I cannot imagine any other partner being as supportive as you have been of a partner like me who is so driven to get the words and message out about the lives of gays and lesbians. I appreciate your encouragement, support, and love for my dreamswithout them I am not sure I could have done as much. I love you.

Next, I dont know where I would be without the mutual love and respect of my sister and best friend Lisa Kort-Jaisinghani, her husband Raj, and their children Jacob, Zack, Noah, and Zoe. I never knew how much better the world looks through the eyes of a child. Thank you for gifting me with them and giving me the opportunity to have them so close to me in my life. Your children help me remember my life as a child and all that I missed. They are showing me that it is never too late to have a happy childhood as I go through theirs with them. I love you all!

To Lynn Grodzki, MSW, my private practice and business coach, who has believed in me and my words and helped me maintain my private practice and write at the same time. You have been very meaningful to me as a coach and human being.

To Barb Shumard, MSW, who has been both a supervisor and therapist to me, guiding me to the highest integrity in working with all my clients.

To Tam Mossman, Roberta Israeloff, and Casey Ruble, who worked with me so hard and diligently to help me edit and organize each chapter every step of the way. All of you helped keep my voice, tone, and manner in my written words. Thank you for helping take care of my words and seeing the importance of this book.

To Deborah Malmud and the W. W. Norton staff for accepting the idea of a book like this for straight clinicians and seeing the need for them to have this as a reference when working with lesbians and gays.

To all the clients I have worked with, who have touched my life professionally and personally. You have made me a better therapist as I have learned from each and every one of you.

To every straight therapist who took my trainings and classes and encouraged me to write a book for them. Your support and encouragement of my work is invaluable.

For more information about my workshops, therapy, trainings, supervision, and coaching services, go to www.joekort.com, which provides regular updates and online newsletters.

Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician

Q: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one. But the light bulb has to want to change!

H istorically, lesbians and gays were told that their only salvation was to seek good psychotherapy and that they really had to want to change. If they werent highly motivated, they were told, psychotherapy would fail, condemning them to a life plagued by depression that would ultimately end in suicide.

Modern attitudes toward homosexuality, including those in psychotherapy, have religious, legal, and medical underpinnings, and prejudice and misinformation have prevailed over accurate information (Ritter & Terndrup, 2002). The past offers a sad litany of ineffective, wrong-headed treatment for homosexuality, right up to the present-day reparative therapy and sexual reorientation camps. Every such cure is based on some faulty etiology, yet the debate of nature versus nurture still rages with regard to the origins of homosexuality.

Given this history of pathologizing homosexuality, lesbian and gay clients are often understandably wary of psychotherapy and fear hiring a therapist who wont be objective about their gayness. Many seek out lesbian or gay therapists, but this isnt necessarily the best step. Its no guarantee that they wont still receive doses of homophobia and heterosexism, as lesbian or gay therapists can harbor negative thoughts about gay culture in general, even when they are comfortable with being gay themselves. It is therefore crucial that straight clinicians know and understand the history of psychotherapy for lesbians and gays. It is also important to remember that, like other clients, most lesbian and gay clients seek therapy for help in dealing with their presenting problemsthey dont want to be bothered with what you might do or feel about their homosexuality.

Even young lesbian and gay clients who have not been directly exposed to the harmful effects of psychotherapeutic treatment for homosexuality are still well aware of the historical record. Furthermore, because of societal homophobia, straight therapists may receive negative transference just for being straight. It was, after all, heterosexist straight therapists who pathologized homosexuality as an alternative negative lifestyle.

Although the psychotherapy field has changed dramatically in its attitudes toward homosexuality over the past 50 years, homophobic therapists are still around, often treating patients while keeping their homophobia closeted. Many of these therapists are involved in reparative therapyalso known as sexual reorientation therapy. This chapter is geared toward helping straight clinicians treat clients who have directly experienced homophobia from psychotherapists who still use outdated modes of psychotherapy. The more you know and can show you know about gay history and gay affirmative therapy (GAT), as well as gay affirmative living, the more you will gain the trust of your lesbian and gay clients and be able to help them effectively.

To date, there is no scientific evidence suggesting that homosexuality is either innate or learned. However, science seems to be on the side of biology, where it is probable that hormones and genes play a large role.