Kim Karr - Torn

Music means a great deal to me so I spent many hours searching for songs that reflect the content of this book. I hope that listening to these songs before you read each chapter will enhance your experience. Please visit my website, www.authorkimkarr.com, for song links to Spotify.

Torn Playlist

Prologue

Counting CrowsColorblind

Counting CrowsMr. Jones

Chapter 1

Christina PerriA Thousand Years

R.E.M.Losing My Religion

Rod StewartMaggie May

Rod StewartHot Legs

LifehouseYou and Me

Chapter 2

DaughtryHome

Chapter 3

SeetherHere and Now

Gavin DeGrawIm in Love with a Girl

Chapter 4

A Rocket to the MoonLike We Used To

Chapter 5

Natalie ImbrugliaTorn

Bruce SpringsteenBorn to Run

Chapter 6

Chris WallaceRemember When (Push Rewind)

Chapter 7

Secondhand SerenadeYour Call

Chapter 8

Breaking BenjaminInto the Nothing

Chapter 9

Puddle of MuddBlurry

Chapter 10

The Goo Goo DollsRebel Beat

MC HammerU Cant Touch This

The Beach BoysCalifornia Girls

Kings of LeonBeach Side

Atlas GeniusElectric

Atlas GeniusThrough the Glass

Dashboard ConfessionalStolen

Chapter 11

The WeekndHigh For This

Chapter 12

Kelly ClarksonCatch My Breath

Chapter 13

My Darkest DaysCome Undone

Chapter 14

MuseMadness

Breaking BenjaminInto the Nothing

Imagine DragonsRadioactive

Pitbull ft. Christina AguileraFeel This Moment

Chapter 15

Gavin RossdaleLove Remains the Same

Chapter 16

The FrayNever Say Never

Adam LambertFor Your Entertainment

David GuettaLittle Bad Girl

fun.Some Nights

Ke$haTiK ToK

Chapter 17

Michelle BranchEverywhere

Chapter 18

Linkin ParkWhat Ive Done

Chapter 19

Sum 41Pieces

The WantedI Found You

Chapter 20

Foo FightersEverlong

Billy JoelLullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)

Chapter 21

LifehouseAll In

Chapter 22

The ScriptSix Degrees of Separation

Chapter 23

EvanescenceThe Change

Chapter 24

LabrinthBeneath Your Beautiful

ZeddClarity

Seether ft. Amy LeeBroken

Justin TimberlakeSexy Back

Chapter 25

Theory of a DeadmanAll or Nothing

Chapter 26

KeaneEverybodys Changing

Elton JohnBelieve, Crocodile Rock, Bennie and the Jets

Chapter 27

KodalineAll I Want

Chapter 28

Eric ClaptonTears in Heaven

Chapter 29

Matt Nathanson ft. SugarlandRun

Rihanna ft. Jay-ZUmbrella

Maroon 5Moves Like Jagger

Bon JoviWanted Dead or Alive

The BeatlesCome Together

The FrayNever Say Never

Chapter 30

Lenny KravitzI Belong to You

Close your eyes and you can imagine what it was like. Hot, sticky, crowded. Smoke, flashing screens, and lighters flickering. Fans screaming, laughing, clapping, and crying. Bodies pushing, shoving, trying to catch a glimpse. Everyone wanting to see the stagethe lights, the equipment, the musician himself.

He was running back and forth singing, headbanging, and playing his guitar. The lyrics were jumbled. His movements out of sync. The sound of the bass thumped through the crowd so loud my body vibrated with every wrong note played. I just wanted it to end.

Nick Wilde had opened for the Counting Crows at the Hollywood Bowl. It was his second chanceand he blew it. The crowd was exhilarated at the start of his first song and he owned the stage but it didnt last long. By the third song he was improvising, pulling notes, and forgetting words. He was lost in his own trance, soaked in alcohol, and no one could help him . . . not Xander, not my mother, and definitely not me. Mr. Jones started playing before he even finished his fourth song . . . and he never played onstage again.

Music was his soul. Music was in all of our souls. When we were younger he taught us everything he could . . . how to play, to sing, the right way to command a stage. We knew every song by every artist. We traveled to concert after concert. Music was his life and it became ours.

But he wasnt happy just playing. He had a dreamhe wanted to be famous. And somewhere along the way his dream became an obsession. Ill give it to him, he got further than most do. By the age of nineteen he had been signed by a label and cut his first album. But after a disappointing run they released him. He spent the next fifteen years working the circuitclubs, churches, weddings, birthday parties, as he waited for another big break. And then, just like that, he blew his golden opportunity.

Everything in our life changed after that. The drinking got worse, Grandpa came around more to check on us, and Mom went back to work. Every day left another kink in his chain as he lived in his own world. I was sixteen when his plan A became my plan B and, just like him, at a young age, I cut my first album. But unlike him I had Xander. He wasnt going to let me fail. The bands album had a slow start but after a year of touring, it started to gain popularity.

I remember the first time the Wilde Ones graced a real stage. We were restless. We had been sitting around for hours waiting. When we were finally up we strutted confidently across the stage like we had in rehearsal, but, really, we were nervous as hell. The lights were much brighter and the audience so much bigger than we were used to. When the guys started to play, soft, barely audible words flew out of my mouth so fast I forgot to breathe. The band was drowning me out and I knew it. Looking around, I adjusted the microphone height and took in the crowd. They were cheering me on with such enthusiasm that my voice finally soared over them. It was the same voice Id grown up with, the one my dad had fostered. It was raw and present and soulful, and, in that moment, my music came alive. The crowd went crazy and just like that my life changed again.

Xander struck while the iron was hot. He arranged to go on tour. That was the beginning of the end for me. We started out small. Smaller venues, shitty hotels, crappy food, and a lot of drinking. We opened for band after band and the relationships I made . . . they kept me going, that and being up on that stage doing what I loved . . . it kept me going, wanting to make my dad proud . . . yeah, that, too.

But touring was a constant infringement on my personal space. I hated the cramped quarters, lack of privacy, constant strict schedule, never being in the same city for more than two nights, people following you everywhere, people always wanting something from you. Even the girls throwing themselves at you got old. It was the longest year of my life, but I did it for him because somewhere along the way his dream morphed into mine. What I came to realize was that his dream wasnt minemy dad thought being on tour meant you had made it. His dream was about being famous. Mine is about the music.

As the venues got bigger so did the crowds, the fanfare, and I could see how you could get lost in it, caught up in itbut I was determined not to end up like my father. He was addicted to the fame. Im addicted to the creative process. I hope that difference between us is enough.