Lisa Jones - Infinite Possibilities

That is what Liam Stone claimed he wanted from me, but that is not what he gave me. He lied to me. He hurt me. And still, some crazy, stupid part of me clings to the idea that there could be a logical explanation for what I overheard between Derek and him last night. That same part of me that saw him as my hero, willing to fight my proverbial Godzilla. But he was never truly my hero, and after a sleepless night in the Cherry Creek Inn, I have faced reality. I cannot risk trusting him, or anyone else for that matter, at least not until I confront the past someone wants me to forget. That means leaving Colorado and the persona of Amy Bensen, and heading to Texas, which is exactly what Im working on now.

Entering the downtown Denver pawn shop on a typical gust of Colorado wind, I swipe my long blonde hair from my face, and glance around the open space where unattended glass display shelves are arranged in a T-shape. Silence seems to be my only companion, but the all too familiar sense of being watched has me fighting the urge to turn and leave, with good reason. This is where the guy at the flea market, the one whod made a joke of a fake ID for me, told me I can obtain the kind of high quality product that will allow me to disappear. And while Ive lived in a bubble, allowing myself to know far too little about why and who Ive been running from these past six years, I am crystal clear on Liam Stones money and power. He will hunt me down and he will find me if I dont cover my tracks.

Glancing at the huge, black-rimmed clock on the wall to my left that reads high noon, I comfort myself with the idea that the staff must be in a back room eating lunch. Perhaps they are watching me on camera, but if so, why not come out and greet me?

Hello? I call out, hugging myself and feeling awkwardly underdressed in the too skimpy white shorts and red tank Id bought at Walmart right after my dinner-turned-disaster with Liam the night before. I hate that I cant go back to my apartment for my things without him, and who knows who else, finding me. Of course, most of my things are items Liam bought anyway. Once Im ready to disappear, Ill pull my money from my old New York account and purchase some more basics that really feel like mine. Correction. Once Im capable of disappearing. Im ready now.

Determined to do what Im here for and leave, I move further inside the store, silently praying the twenty bucks I gave the cab driver is enough to ensure he waits for me. Hello? I call again, but my answer is more silence.

Seconds continue to tick by and I am feeling increasingly uneasy. I consider walking into the back room, but considering the kind of operation this is supposed to be, I think better of that idea. Deciding to step outside, check on my cab and regroup, I turn toward the exit.

Seorita.

At the sound of the heavily accented voice, I rotate to find it belongs to a rapidly approaching, fifty-something burly man with a thick beard as gray and wiry as his longish hair. I was looking for Roberto, I say quickly, hoping this scruffy-looking stranger isnt him yet hoping he is my answer to freedom in the same moment.

By the time the question is out, the man is in front of me, a mere few steps separating us, the scent of cigarettes wafting off of him, his jeans and t-shirt wrinkled and worn. I am Roberto, he declares and I am too discomfited by his nearness to be relieved I have found the man who is supposed to help me. He reaches out and lifts a strand of my long, blonde hair and it is all I can do not to shrink away from him as he adds, My man said you were brunette.

It takes all I have in me not to knock his hand away. Wig, I say, tugging my cheap, oversized purse Id bought this morning in front of me and between us. I brought it with me.

For a quick change of identity, he comments. Smart Mammi.

I do not know what Mammi means, but after the horrid ID his man at the flea market had made me, I agree it was smart. My last minute decision to toss the bottle of hair color means that, given a worst case scenario, I can still pass with my Amy Bensen photos.

He tugs roughly on the strand of my hair in his fingers before dropping his hand. $2500.

I gape. What? No. I was quoted $500.

You need to disappear badly enough to want two hair colors. That means you need the best identification I can make you. That runs $2500.

I dont have $2500. What do I get for $500?

Nothing. You were quoted wrong.

My gut knots. My wig and hair color have somehow revealed the desperation I had coolly concealed from the other man. I dont have that much.

Well, then, he says, his lips thinning, use your flea market ID. He turns away, dismissing me.

No, I say quickly, all too aware that the fake ID made this morning wont get me through a grocery line, let alone airport security. Wait. He faces me again, arching a dark brow in a silent question. I have $700.

$2500.

My mind races, calculating how much I will have left to survive with if I go higher. I settle on a firm, $1500. That is all I have.

His gaze rakes up and down my body, then returns to my face and I feel as if Ive been raped. Perhaps we can barter, he suggests. You give me something I want. I give you something you want.

My heart lodges in my throat. I want to survive. I want answers. I want to make Amy Bensen disappear but not like this. Not like this. No, I

Yes, he counters and his hands come down on my shoulders.

Panic rushes over me and a wild, intense rush of adrenaline spikes through my blood. I shove his hands away. No!

He grabs my wrists. It will be good for you, I promise.

Let go, I hiss. Let go. A familiar prickling in my scalp begins, signaling one of the dreaded flashbacks that can easily debilitate me. No. No. No. Pain spikes along my scalp, like a blade carving me from one side to the other. Oh, God. Not now.

Oh God, is right, he promises. Over and over you gonna say that.

My eyes meet his and I see the intent in his. He isnt going to make me an ID. Hes going to make me a victim if I let him. I am sick and tired of being everyones victim. I raise my knee and put every bit of myself behind the blow I land on his groin. He grunts and doubles over, panting in evident pain. The prickling in my head is more pronounced and I shove against the door, desperate to escape before I collapse, but it doesnt move. Panicked, I turn and push on the steel latch and then burst from the store and into the wind. A quick glance to my right in search of my cab tells me the driver has deserted me. I cut the other way, running blindly as fast as my feet will allow.

Spots splatter in front of my eyes and I dart into a place labeled as a diner, and head for the sign that reads Restroom. Once Im inside the one-stall room, I lock myself in and press my back against the wooden surface. Pain pierces my scalp and I ball my fists and slide down the door, just in time. Suddenly, Im flashing back to the past.

I park my Toyota Camry in front of the house and shove open the door, wondering what it will be like to be in college a few months from now, without a curfew. Stepping outside, the hot Texas night suffocates me and so does the realization that the porch is dark. How veryodd. I frown and shove my door closed, strapping my small purse cross-body, noting my parents Ford SUV is in the drive and opting to keep my keys in hand. If my mom isnt on the porch waiting to tell me Im ten minutes late, maybe the migraine she was fighting earlier caught up with her and I need to let myself inside.