Kele Moon - Crossing the line

July 2012

Im happy youre finally home.

Sure. Tabitha squeezed her mothers hand, not recognizing the stranger who stared back at her. Thirteen years had turned her mother into an old woman, and it was jarring to see, but she tried not to let it show as she forced a smile. Ive been meaning to come back and visit for a while now.

Your brother misses you.

Tabitha visibly cringed.

She might be able to pretend it was no big deal to come home, when the reality was it required her to face over a decade of raging fear to do it, but she couldnt hide the loathing she felt for her older brother, even for her chronically ill mother.

I wish you two would make up. Her voice was pleading, her gaze needy. Once Im gone

Come on, Mom. Tabitha smoothed the bedsheets with her free hand rather than meet her gaze. Lets change the subject.

I know youre making a lot of money, and youve been sending me checks all this time like it aint nothing, her mother went on as if she hadnt heard her. I want you to keep sending the money after I die. Send it to Brett. You wont miss it, and he needs it.

Tabitha made a choked sound of shock. Her mother expected her to send Brett three thousand dollars a month. Hell would freeze over first. Deathbed or not, there was no way that promise would leave Tabithas lips, let alone come into actual fruition.

Youre not dying, and besides, Bretts a big boy. Tabitha used every ounce of strength she had to hide the anger. If he wants three thousand dollars a month, he probably ought to get off his ass and make it.

Things are harder for him. He aint smart like you.

I think you need to rest. Tabitha smoothed out her mothers sheet once more. Tomorrow well go see that new specialist I lined up for you in Mercy. Hes supposed to be amazing.

Shoot. Her mother snorted. There aint no point in driving all the way out to Mercy. You and me both know Im dying, fancy doctor or not.

You gotta stay hopeful, Tabitha argued. All the books say a positive attitude is the key to recovery. Theres a surgery for this sort of heart condition.

Once the hearts gone, its all over. Might as well save your money.

Tabitha sighed, knowing this conversation was pointless. Her mother was not one to look on the bright side.

Rather than harp on a sick woman, Tabitha looked around the bedroom, taking in the peeling wallpaper and cracked plaster on the walls and ceiling. The house had been old and crumpling before she left; now it was a literal hazard.

Her gaze rested on a pot in the corner, currently being used to catch the water dripping from the leak in the ceiling. The entire house was decorated with cookware to combat the nasty bout of summer storms hitting her small hometown of Garnet. The steady drip, drip, drip echoing through the decaying house was like nails on a chalkboard.

Are you gonna be okay if I leave? Tabitha finally asked in a tiny voice, because being back in the house was making her feel young and vulnerable in a way she hadnt in a long time. It was a long drive from Key West, and I have to make some phone calls. Im gonna see if I can line up a home health aid to come stay here with you and

Go do your thing, her mother said dismissively. I aint an invalid yet, and Bretts here.

Tabitha reached over to the portable phone charging on the nightstand and placed it next to her mothers hand. Call me if you need anything. Im just five minutes away. Terry rented me that big cabin on the lake.

Terry. Her mother huffed indignantly. Theres something wrong with a man who aint never had a wife in thirty-some years of living. I dont think hes dated since yall stopped going together. He owns half of Garnet; boy shouldve been able to find himself a wife.

Tabitha stood up, sadly accustomed to her mothers abrasive attitude. Well, Terrys my friend, and he was nice enough to rent me one of his properties on short notice. So well just have to butt out of his personal life and be grateful for the charity. Brett doesnt have a wife either.

If you pay for it, it aint charity, her mother snapped, obviously deciding to ignore the rest.

Very good point, Tabitha agreed passively as she leaned down to brush her mothers graying hair away from her forehead and press a tender kiss there. Ill be here at noon to pick you up for your appointment. Call me if you need anything before then.

Her mother patted her hand affectionately, which seemed like a small gesture, but from a woman as callous as her mother, it was a huge improvement. Maybe thirteen years changed more than the physical, and for just a moment Tabitha felt guilty for being gone so long. Then she looked around the house once more and felt that shiver of fear that had nausea bubbling up in the back of her throat since she arrived tired and shaky after a long road trip. All things considered, Tabitha thought she was doing pretty darn good.

Call me, she reminded her mother, knowing it was almost a sure bet she wouldnt, because accepting help was never her nature. Maybe if her mothers pride hadnt been such a huge obstacle, Tabithas childhood wouldnt have sucked quite so intensely. She turned to leave on that thought, suddenly needing to get out of the house before she lost what little lunch shed managed to choke down past her nerves. Ill see ya tomorrow.

Tabitha tripped over one of the pots in the hallway, splashing water on the creaking wood floor. She swatted at her hair when she felt moisture on her scalp. She shuddered and scrubbed harder at her head, not knowing what sort of rat-infested attic nightmare that rainwater had traveled through to get to the leaks in the ceiling.

What the hell happened to the money I gave Mama to fix the roof? she snapped as she walked into the living room. I gave her four thousand dollars to get it done. I wanna know what happened to it.

How the fuck am I supposed to know?

Tabitha actually growled out loud as she stared at the back of Bretts head, knowing hed taken that money and probably most of everything Tabitha had sent their mother. Looking unremorseful, Brett sat on the couch that had once been a flowered print, but now was so threadbare it looked like a swirl of the worst colors from the seventies.

Brett was playing one of those violent video games, completely uncaring that Tabitha continued to stand there fuming at him. He didnt even have the decency to look uncomfortable in her presence. She wasnt sure what shed expected when she came back home. Some sort of guilt, some semblance of humanity, some indication that hed grown up and found a conscience, but it shouldnt be shocking that he was the same heartless bastard. She, more than anyone, knew Brett only cared about himself.

Maybe she was surprised by his juvenile attitude, because like their mother, Brett had aged horribly since the last time shed seen him. He might act the same, but he certainly didnt look it. He was thinner than before, more wasted away by life and the abuse he put on his body. His skin was sallow and dry. Dark circles lingered under his eyes that were still the same coldhearted brown she remembered.

The fact that Brett looked so much older than his thirty-six years was a small consolation when Tabitha felt her stomach lurch. Unbidden the memories surfaced, causing a sickening hot rush of fear to wash over her.

She was going to puke, and her consciousness clawed for some way to keep her mind off the inevitable. Her mother needed her to be strong. That thought had carried her all the way from Key West to Garnet when every instinct she had demanded she turn the car around and head back to the safety of her tiny house on the island, her laptop, and the stories that let her hide the demons long enough to feel normal.