Corinne Michaels - Beloved

To belong to someone.

All Ive ever wanted is to be loved. I crave itneed it, desire itmore than food and water. I long for undying love and affection. The kind of love that bonds souls. The kind of love thats so deep two become one.

To be someones beloved.

As a child I had my father, who adored and worshipped meI was his perfect little daughter. He held me when I was sad, kissed my knee when I fell and got hurt, and read me bedtime stories. I was his princess, his daughter, his entire world.

What happens to a little girl when all of that stops? When shes no longer her fathers perfect angel, but instead a painful reminder of his past. What happens to her when he pushes her aside and shows her he doesnt want her anymore?

I just cant stay, Catherine. It hurts too much. His eyes are filled with pain and regret.

Daddy, I love you! Please dont go. I wont cry anymore. Ill be good, I plead as I look into the dark brown eyes that mirror mine. My heart is begging for understanding from all this confusion and change. Its my ninth birthday, we finished cake and presents, and hes leaving. If only I could go back in time and change my wish. Id forget about the silly bike and wish for him to stay.

Its not you, baby girl. You have to understandits too much. Your mom and I dont love each other anymore. He looks into my eyes, unwavering, as I continue to plead.

Dont you love me, Daddy? I ask the man who is supposed to love me forever, the man whos supposed to never leave me.

I do, but I have to go now. You be good. Good-bye, Catherine. He kisses the top of my head and I grab onto his leg for dear life. I know, even at this age, this will be the last time I see my father.

He pries me off his leg and turns without another word. And I watch the man who promised to always be there leave me behind without another glance.

He broke me.

He ruined me.

And he wont be the last man to do so.

Ashton, Im running over to Neils house. Ill be back in a bit!

Our wedding invitations arrived. Theyre beautiful, everything I couldve hoped for. I cant wait to show him. Not that hes really into the details, but we spent a lot of time choosing these. Itll be such a relief when we finally move in together and stop all this back and forth. Ashton and I signed our lease a month before Neil proposed, so I couldnt leave and screw her out of half the rent. Though I adore my best friend, I wouldve loved to have lived with Neil as we planned the wedding. Thankfully, the big day is in four months and well finally be under one roof. Im excited and anxious to make everything official.

Okay. Ill be here, she says, walking toward me.

Dont get into any trouble while Im gone. I wink as I grab my purse and rush out the door. Once I get in the car I send him a quick text.

Me: On my way. I have a surprise!

Ten minutes later, Im pulling into a parking space in front of his cozy two-bedroom townhome in the trendy section of Hoboken. This area is all older homes on cobblestone streets. Its a place I look forward to building a life and starting a family in. I gather my purse and the invitations and hop out, excited to share this piece of our future with him. His car is in the driveway, but the door is locked. Digging for my keys, my bag topples over, spilling all my belongings on the stairs. After collecting everything, I use my key to get into his house.

As the door opens I hear a low moan. Slowly I lift my eyes. Nothing couldve prepared me for the sight before me. I freeze, watching my worst nightmare unfold.

The shock ripples through me, coming in waves of horror and pain.

And no matter how much I want to I cant look away.

The man I love, the man Im going to marry, is having sex with one of my friends.

Neil has Piper bent over on the couchthe couch I picked outand is taking her from behind. His head is turned toward the door, his eyes are closed, and his face is pure ecstasy as he drives into her, enjoying every second of it while my world crumbles. With each thrust I feel the floor falling out from under me. I can hear them, see them, smell the sex in the air. Each slap of skin on skin, each grunt and moan tears through me like a knife slicing my veins open. Im bleeding out, and theres no stopping it.

I close my eyes, begging for this not to be real, hoping this is a sick joke or a bad dream, praying that when I open them again, this cruel vision will fade away. When I gather the strength to look at them, I realize this isnt a joke or a dreamits reality.

Pipers head is thrown back as she moans. More. Harder!

His hands grip her hips as he rears back and rams into her.

Neil, yes! Her loud, high-pitched voice screams out, Oh! Im coming. Oh. My. God. Neil! Fuck!

Unable to control the shaking of my hands, the invitations fall to the floor. My sob breaks through the sounds of their pleasure, alerting them to my presence. The air punches through me as both their heads snap up and Neils eyes lock on mine.

Catherine. He stops moving, staring at me with wide eyes. I can explain.

He grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and covers himself, hastily throwing another one at Piper.

Explain? You cant fucking explain! I choke out as the tears begin to flood my vision. Oh my God! You you

My limbs are tingling and my breathing is shallow as I try to remain standing. Everything around me is fading, but cruelly, my mind keeps the two people in front of me crystal clear. I close my eyes, hoping to give myself a reprieve.

Neil speaks as I grip the doorway for support. Give me a minute and we can talk.

I dont want to talk. I want to pour bleach in my eyes and rip out my heart so it will stop hurting so much. Nothing he can say will erase this. Ever. My heart will never be the same. Cheating is bad enough, but for me to witness itwith one of my friends, no lessis torture.

And she was my friend, or at least I thought she was. Sure, she was never in my inner circle and we drifted apart after college but I never saw this coming. I didnt know she was even capable of such a vile betrayal. Piper was the one who introduced me to Neil. She dated one of his frat brothers and the four of us used to spend a lot of time together. I knew they broke up a few months ago, but never in a million years did I expect her to go after Neil.

When I look back up, the smug smile on Pipers face says it all. She wanted this to happen. Shes enjoying my humiliation. Standing here shocked and horrified, watching her with my fianc while she grins, obviously convinced shes won whatever game this is I snap.

I turn, slamming the door, and run as fast as I can. Shakily, I turn the car on and speed out of the driveway. All the good times we had, beautiful memories tarnished by his act of betrayal. As I drive the memories besiege me one by onegood and bad, love and hate, happy and sad.

Our first date ice-skating in Rockefeller Center, Neil skating backward holding my hands so I wouldnt fall. Two months later, going to the bed and breakfast on the Jersey shore and making love for the first time. He was tender and caring. The love and adoration he had in his eyes as we looked at each other during intimacy. I swipe the tears streaming down my face. It was all a lie. You cant respect someone then turn around and deceive them.

The memories keep coming.

The ride to the city, playing stupid car games and laughing until my sides hurt and Neil trying to convince me that the Jets would win the Superbowl. When he took me to Little Italy in July and got down on one knee and proposed in the middle of the street. The tears become too much. I cant see the road, so I pull over. In the confines of my car I lose it. I cry and sob for everything I saw and will never forget. I call Ashton hoping she can calm me.