Jessica Sorensen - Sins & Secrets

This day is turning out to be the strangest day of all days. It all started when I overheard my mother and father fighting, which is nothing new. My father had said something about giving up on my mother, making me worry that theyre going to get a divorce. Then the mafia families showed up, one of which was my dads sworn enemy and they locked themselves in my house and Layton and I out. Im desperate to see whats going on; desperate to know what on earth they could all be doing together.

What do you think theyre doing in there? Something illegal I bet, I say to my best friend, Layton Everett, as I try to peer through the window. The wooden box Im standing on is wobbly and the window is so high up that, even on my tiptoes, I cant see anything except the tops of peoples heads through the window.

Layton shrugs, glancing nervously around the backyard. I dont know Lola, and honestly, I dont really care.

I peek over my shoulder at him. Your dad and mom are in there, too, you know. You have to be curious what theyre doing. All of them under one roof together. Its weird

Not really. He shakes his head and stuffs his hands into his pockets.

Layton is unlike most of the fourteen-year-old guys I know. He acts older, more mature. Even though I wont admit it to him, its one of the things I like about him the mostthat he acts more grown up and takes care of me and is always there for me when I get myself into trouble, which Ill admit, is a lot.

The longer I stare at him, the more uneasy he becomes. He constantly has trouble telling me no, especially when I give him the look.

Lola, please dont look at me like that, he says with a sigh. I know you want to know what theyre doing in there, but He massages the back of his neck tensely. Didnt you notice they were all carrying guns?

I shrug as I hop off the box and dust the dirt off my hands. Theyre always carrying guns. Thats what they do.

Yeah, but He seems way too tense, even for him, as he looks around the yard again. There are so many places for someone to hide back here. The yard is over-flourished with trees, shrubbery, a small vineyard, and acres and acres of flowers and grass; so I dont get what hes expecting to see.

Sighing, he leans in and lowers his voice, his silver-grey eyes filled with worry. Theyre all in there together. My dad and mom, your mom, your dad, Frankie and his guys, even the Defontelles are in there. There has to be something going onsomething dangerous. You know they just dont meet up like that. He swallows hard. In fact, the last time they were all in the same building together, people got killed.

How do you know that? I wonder. I rarely know anything about my mother and fathers business world, and what I do know is from digging around; drug lords, dealings, bodyguards, gunstheyre always carrying themstuff that Im sure is illegal.

My dad tells me stuff. He looks sad as he says it, too. Without saying another word, he grabs me by the elbow and guides me over to the trees, away from the house. Once were hidden in the shadows, he lets go of me then sits down on the ground and stares at the land. Sometimes I wish he wouldnt.

Confused, I sit down beside him and crisscross my legs. Sometimes you wish he wouldnt what?

He picks at the grass. Tell me stuff I hate hearing about it hearing about what Im going to have to grow up to be.

You dont have to be anything but what you want to be. I grab his hand and hold onto it.

He shakes his head, staring down at our fingers laced together. I have to, Lola. I dont have another choice. Its my destiny, or whatever, to live here, die here, and do exactly what my father does. He seems even older at the moment; an adult trapped in a teenagers body.

I sit there, listening to the wind blow, the grass dancing with the breeze. We could always run away together, I suggest. You and I. If they cant find you, they cant make you take over the family business.

He glances up at me, and for the briefest instant, he looks like hes considering it, but then he frowns. If I ran away from it, then itd all fall on my brothers shoulders. And could you imagine Benton in charge of things? He laughs, but it sounds completely off pitch, completely wrong. Thatd be a mess in the making. God, hed probably get himself killed in a day.

He could change. Hes only twelve right now. Layton gives me a sad look, however before he can protest, I add, Just think about it.

He hesitates then nods. Okay, I will.

I dont believe him. Layton is the most loyal person I know, and I doubt hell ever actually run away and bail out on his family. Me? I dont really have anything to run away from. My fathers business will go to his younger brother when he dies, not me.

We should go do something fun. I give Laytons hand a squeeze.

Like what?

I dont know maybe go downtown and see what kind of trouble we can get into. I smile the smile I know he cant say no to.

He tries to restrain a grin, but it eventually slips through. Then he gets up and pulls me to my feet. We start to walk back toward the house, holding hands, Laytons mood lightening with each step.

We should do this all the time, he remarks, giving my hand a swing.

Hold hands? I question. But then, wouldnt people think we were like dating or something?

He shrugs. So what if they did?

I look at him, wondering if hes kidding. He seems dead serious, though, which confuses the shit out of me. I mean, weve been best friends for almost forever. And yeah, hes cute and everything, with dark hair and gorgeous eyesa lot of the girls at my school have crushes on himyet Ive never thought of him that way. Ive never thought of anyone that way honestly, mainly because my mother has told me time and time again that Im not allowed to date. Sometimes she gets so intense about me just being around guys that I swear she hates men.

Im about to slip my hand out of Laytons when I suddenly hear a scream. My head whips in the direction its coming fromthe front area of the house.

Just wait a minute, Layton says with worry, but Im already jerking my hand out of his and running for the front gate. Lola, wait! You cant just He trails off as he rounds the side of the house, just steps behind me.

Ive stopped dead in my tracks. My mother is laying in the driveway, my father holding her lifeless body in his arms. I race over to them without thinking, tears already pouring out of my eyes.

What happened? I ask my father, the gasps in my voice alarming, unfamiliar. Theres no blood, no wounds on her. Her eyes are open and vacant while her lips are slightly parted and tinted blue.

Hes rocking her as he cradles her head in his arms. Shes dead I think she had a heart attack.

Call the ambulance then! I cry, sinking to my knees. Dad Oh, God, it hurts so much. I cant breathe. The pain Ive never felt anything like it.

Lola, its too late, my father says with watery eyes as he nuzzles his cheek against the top of her head. "She's dead.

I want to shout at him for giving up on her so soon. For not holding on. For letting whatever happened to her happen.

Ill call 911, Layton says from behind me before I can start yelling at my father.

More tears pour from my eyes and I feel like Im drowning in them. Dont give up on her, Dad. Dont let her go. I know thats not what he meant when theyd been arguing this morning, but still, he needs to try harder. Fucking hold onto her! I scream.

His face drains of color as his eyes widen. His lips part to say something, but then he presses them together and starts to cry. Strangely, his eyes remain tearless, though.

I remain kneeling on the driveway in front of the house, confused, hurting, the pain crushing me, and I feel as though my world is shattering around me. I can barely see anything through the tears, but I do notice when Frankie Catherlson comes walking out of my house with his men. He doesnt say a word to my father, just heads for his SUV parked amongst a line of similar ones. As hes getting inside the passenger seat, he glances over his shoulder at me and gives me this look. Its not quite a smile, yet it seems like he wants to, and then he fucking winks at me.