Kelly Jamieson - Lost and Found

There must be a mistake. Krissas husbands voice broke the ponderous silence in the doctors office. Youve made a mistake.

Im sorry, Dr. Edgar repeated. Did he really think saying that would make them feel any better? The tests were repeated and the results were the same.

Bullshit, Derek said. You

Derek. Krissa murmured his name and he stopped.

Krissa reached for Dereks hand and his fingers tightened around hers. She drew in a long, quivery breath. She glanced at him, his face hard, lips pressed together, eyes staring across the doctors office, apparently at the framed certificates on the bland beige wall. Hot tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them back.

So what do we do now? Dereks voice was thick, unfamiliar.

Well, at this point there are a few options, Dr. Edgar said.

Krissas throat tightened. Theyd talked about the options already. Over the last two years, theyd talked about every conceivable option.

Now they knew for sure where their problem lay, their options were reduced. But they still had options.

She squeezed Dereks hand reassuringly.

Yeah, we know the options. Derek gave a jerky nod, rose from his chair and walked abruptly out of the office

Thank you, Dr. Edgar. Krissa stood too, and followed Derek with an apologetic glance over her shoulder at the doctor.

Derek strode down the hall, and she focused on his broad back as she tried to keep up with him, followed him out of the clinic and into the parking lot.

The sun burned her already-stinging eyes as she stepped outside. She swallowed past the obstruction in her throat and dug for her sunglasses in her purse.

Dereks long legs and obvious agitation carried him faster than Krissa could walk in her narrow skirt and heels, and she scurried across the parking lot toward him.

Derek, wait.

Theyd come in two cars, Derek from his office and her from home, so she could go to her client meeting after their appointment with Dr. Edgar. She panted, paused with her hand on his arm while he unlocked the vehicle.

What? He yanked open his door and slid his long body into the drivers seat.

Krissas chest squeezed painfully and she tried to take a deep breath. She hurt everywherehurt for Derek. And for herself, too.

She stood there beside the open door of the car. Derek looked straight ahead, held the keys in his hand. The summer sun had heated the interior of the car to sauna temperature, and sweat glistened on his forehead. He ran a finger inside his collar, his tie snug against his throat.

Wait, she said again, softly, putting her hand on his shoulder. The fabric of his suit was warm, soft, lightly padded over the muscle and bone of his broad shoulder. Are you okay?

He stared straight ahead. Of course Im okay. Im fine.

Her throat ached. He must be feeling so crappy, now that he knew what was wrong.

Its okay, she whispered. Its okay, sweetheart. She tightened her fingers on his shoulder.

She watched his Adams apple bob.

Its not okay, he growled. His head dipped. Itll never be okay. Dont even say its okay.

Breath seeped out of her, leaving her hollow and aching. What could she say? What could she possibly say to make him feel better?

I love you, Derek.

He nodded, still didnt look at her. Love you too, baby.

Well talk later. At home.

Yeah. He started the car, turned up the air. She felt the hot gust even outside the car.

Okay. She stepped back and let him close the door. He reversed out of the parking spot and sped away.

Krissa pressed her hand to her mouth and watched his car pull out of the parking lot onto Ocean Drive. Should he be driving right now?

A mother carried a baby in a car seat past Krissa and into the clinic. Did that mother even know how lucky she was?

A man walked out of the building, studying a prescription. Probably something that would make him better, whatever his problem was.

Nothing would fix this problem.

And now she was supposed to go meet with a client? My God. Her world had just been shaken as if a six-point-O tremor had rocked the San Andreas Fault just behind those mountains over there, and she had to go talk about employee rewards and incentives.

She turned, searching for her car, momentarily unable to remember where shed parked it. She pushed her hair back off her face, her silk blouse sticking to her back beneath her suit jacket. She started walking, blindly, heels clicking on the pavement.

She paused, blinked, looked around her. Lord, shed walked right past her car.

She sat in the car for long moments, her head feeling like a bubble.

It was good to have an answer. To finally know. Theyd talk. Theyd figure out what they were going to do next.

She blew out a breath, pointed the air conditioning vent directly at her hot face, and drove to her meeting at Phoenix Insurance to discuss her plan to help improve their staff morale.

He wasnt answering his cell phone.

Krissa clicked off the phone and dropped it onto the counter.

After her meeting at Phoenix, shed gone home, changed into shorts and a tank top, then made dinner. She had no interest in eating, but still shed prepared one of Dereks favoritesbeef bourguignon, with little potatoes and a salad. The beef slow cooking in the oven filled the house with the rich aroma of herbs and red winebut he still wasnt home to eat it.

Where the hell was he? He hadnt mentioned any client meetings tonight. She glanced at her watch again and sighed.

She wandered across the kitchen, terra cotta tiles cool beneath her bare feet, and stood at the sliding glass doors onto the deck. She stared at the Pacific Ocean. Evening sun glinted off the waves, whitecaps dotting the intense stretch of azure from foamy shore to hazy horizon.

The time when she needed him, when they should be together, bolstering each other, reassuring each other, Derek had done another vanishing act. Poof. Krissa swallowed painfully and leaned her forehead against cool, smooth glass. She needed him. Needed to know he was okay. Needed to know they were okay.

The phone rang.

She turned and ran for it, almost tripping over the table. Derek?

Uhno. Its Nate.

Krissa blinked. Nate.

Yeah. I gather Dereks not there?

Um, no. Her mind was spinning. Nateomigod. Shed completely forgotten Nate was arriving tonight.

He was supposed to pick me up at the airport, Nate continued, amusement coloring his voice. Where the hell is he?

I wish I knew. Her heart thudded slowly in her chest. Im sorry, Nate. I was expecting him home for dinner and he hasnt shown up yet. I completely forgot about you.

Well. Thanks so much.

NoIm sorry. I just What to tell him? Her mind was a big empty space, full of nothing but pain, longing and fear, with no room for remembering details of daily life like Dereks old friend arriving to stay with them.

Ive been calling his cell phone and hes not answering, she told Nate. He must have forgotten, too.

Nice. Now a touch of annoyance edged his voice.

Im really sorry. Look, Ill come get you. Itll take me twenty minutes to get there.

Okay. Now he sounded really annoyed. Shit.

She turned off the oven. The potatoes would be mush by the time they ate them. Oh well. She grabbed her keys and purse and hurried out to her car.

How could they have forgotten about Nate arriving tonight? She hadnt been happy he was coming to stay with them. Not the way things were. Their life was in turmoil, and now, after getting the news from Dr. Edgar, they didnt need another person hanging around their house.