Haynes - When a Gentleman Speaks .

WHEN A GENTLEMAN SPEAKS

SHAUGHNESSY HAYNES

PREFACE

A Gentleman is defined as a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man. Now lets be honesthow many men do you actually know today that is chivalrous, courteous, or honorable? How many men do you actually know that knows how to be chivalrous, courteous, or honorable? How many men do you know that actually knows what the word chivalrous mean? As the generations have evolved, so has the standards and practices that were taught years ago on how men should carry themselves and also how they should be towards a woman. Even dating back as far as the biblical days, 1 Peter 3:7 states, Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers not be hindered (NKJV). That bible verse translated more loosely is saying when a man does his job in protecting his lady, providing for her, caring for her, and loving herGod will then hear that mans prayers more easily if there is no contention in the relationship.

We, as men, have to understand what our role is to a loving woman, and being a proper Gentleman, and play those parts daily and to a level of near perfection. Women, in turn, will build a statue of confidence in her man that will allow her heart to be more open and her soul to be purer. The first step into elevating your lady is being the type of man that she really needs. In order to be that, you first have to understand her and what she requires and desires out of you (her man) and the relationship. On top of all the things she may require, we as men, also need to understand that taking initiative to do things to keep her happy will also be a requirement in your ever evolving relationship.

One of the lost arts of todays man is his ability to be a Gentleman. So many hip-hop artist, reality television stars, and other popular social entertainers make it seem like it is cool to disrespect women and belittle them to a level that is, in my opinion, at an all-time high. In this book, we are going back to the basics in learning how a man should treat a woman and understanding the fundamentals of being a proper Gentleman. Fellasits easy for you to be a great man when you know what it takes to be that kind of man. However, on top of being that great man for her, lets take it one step further and learn how to be that great and respectable GENTLEMAN she is burning inside her soul to have. Do you have what it takes to be chivalrous? Do you have what it takes to be courteous? Do your peers or your lady consider you to be an honorable man? Here are a few steps to help guide you in the right direction to being a proper, professional, rational, and courteous Gentleman.

WAGS

GENTLEMAN TIP 01:

CROSSING INTO GENTLEMANHOOD

As you mature and enter adulthood, its time to put away childish things that you have done as a teenager or things you may have done as a young adult. Once you decide to enter into a serious relationship, all of your selfish and mannish ways has to be eliminated permanently. You are now responsible for the heart of another mans daughter and one of Gods greatest creations. Being in a serious relationship with a beautiful lady requires a lot of time, sacrifice, effort, and stability and you are not ready to take on that task if you are lacking in any of those areas. You have to make the decision if you are ready to be the man she needs and if you arent, there is no need to interrupt the greatness she is already exemplifying before you entered her life.

Crossing over into Gentlemanhood is a sole decision you will have to make as a man but it will be the best decision you will make inside of your relationship. She requires attention, respect, and appreciation and there is no way you can provide that to her if you do not understand how to be that type of man for her. Change doesnt just happen overnight; it occurs when you put the necessary effort forth to make it happen. Once you are ready to crossover and become a Gentleman, you have already taken the biggest step into securing her heart forever. Now all you have left to do is execute properly.

WAGS

GENTLEMAN TIP 02:

ONE WITH TWO MOVING PARTS

Im sure we all have heard it before that in order for a great relationship to work it must be 50/50. Some people have even come up with the idea all relationships should be 100/100, meaning each person should be giving 100% effort. It doesnt matter the percentage that you calculate that should be executed towards effort, I think we all can agree that each person plays a huge role in the relationship in making sure that it works.

One of the biggest factors I feel people in relationships do not understand is that you two are teammates and playing in the same game. In a relationship, there is no such thing as you win and I lose. If you winI win; if you lose then I also lose as well. Many relationships can thrive and elevate to the next level when the two people in the relationship play as a team. As one person goes, so does the other person. Communication plays a huge factor in how things will operate inside your relationship and whether you two will be winning or losing together. Whenever there is a time in the relationship when one person feels alone or distanced, that means somebody has quit the team or not being a team player and a team meeting needs to be called immediately. No relationship, and I mean no relationship, can evolve when each person is not playing together in the same game. You are one with two moving parts, and although your parts may move individually, as a unit you will operate collectively.

As the Gentleman in the relationship, it is your responsibility to make sure the team always stays intact. Anytime your lady feels alienated or alone in the relationship, you need to call a timeout and make the right play call for the relationship. That play call should be listening to what the problem is and communicating to her what a solution will be. You are the head coach of the team but your lady is your star player. You cant win without her and she cant win without you, so you both play a huge role in the success of your relationship and how many wins you guys are recording versus how many loses you may be recording.

WAGS

GENTLEMAN TIP 03:

YOURE THE MANBE ONE

When it comes to being a man the rule is pretty simple; protect, provide, love and respect your lady. However, when it comes to being a Gentleman all of those things are required plus a few more standards. You are the man and she expects you to be just that for her. She shouldnt have to tell you when it is time to take the trash out, to wash her vehicle, or to repair the leaky bathroom faucet that has been leaking for three months. Whenever she becomes ill, she shouldnt have to tell you what she needs and how to care for her. When a baby is involved, she shouldnt have to tell you when its your turn to change the diaper, warm up the bottles, or feed the baby. As a man, these are the things you are expected to do without her having to ask you to do so.

On the previous page we talked about teamwork in the relationship and it would carry right on over to this topic as well. In addition to doing the basic things a man should already be doing in his relationship, as a Gentleman you need to take it a step further and show initiative in your relationship as well. Make dinner reservations without her knowing. Learn her style so you can go and buy her an entire outfit for your date night for the coming weekend. Instead of going out, stay in and you cook dinner for her some nights. Make sure her bath water is ready on nights she arrives home late from work and shes already exhausted. Rub her feet, massage her back, listen to her vent about her day, and at the end of the nightpray with her before bed. Gentleman dont just meet the expectations of their ladythey exceed them.