John Bridges - How to Be a Gentleman: A Timely Guide to Timeless Manners

How

TO BE A

GENTLEMAN

Other GentleManners Books

A Gentleman Entertains

John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

As a Gentleman [Would Say

John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up

John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

A Gentleman at the Table

John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

Toasts and Tributes

John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

A Gentleman Abroad

John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

How to Be a Lady

Candace Simpson-Giles

As a Lady Would Say

Sheryl Shade

A Lady at the Table

Sheryl Shade with John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

so Things a Young Gentleman Should Know

John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

How to Raise a Gentleman

Kay West

How to Raise a Lady

Kay West

How

TO BE A

GENTLEMAN

REVISED AND EXPANDED

A
TIMELY GUIDE
TO
TIMELESS
MANNERS

JOHN BRIDGE S

For CLAY ISAACS, who was born knowing all these things (1998 edition)

For BILL WALKER, who has listened for 25 years' worth of Sundays (2008 edition)

CONTENTS

ix

The Fundamental Things Apply

xv

Chapter One

1

Chapter Two

53

Chapter Three

75

Chapter Four

94

Chapter Five

117

Chapter Six

135

Chapter Seven

153

Chapter Eight

179

Chapter Nine

200

Chapter Ten

212

INTRODUCTION

When the first edition of How to Be a Gentleman was published ten years ago, correct, considerate behavior was being challenged on every side. The premise of that book was that men, as a rule, leave it up to the women in their lives (their mothers, their wives, their girlfriends, and women who are simply their friends, with no blood relation and no romantic attachment) to tell them how to behave.Since it seemed to answer all the burning good-behavior questions of the moment, How to Be a Gentleman proved to be hugely successful; in fact, it has gone on to be translated into more than a dozen foreign languages, doing its part to bring civility to the world at large. Nevertheless, life has changed a great deal over the past ten years, and gentlemen are now left on their own, almost at every turn. Cell phones are everywhere, barking out at us in airports, in grocery stores, and in movie theatres. Unless a gentleman is an absolute Luddite, e-mail is a central part of his life. He must remind himself, at all times, to check up on his text messages. Written correspondence seems even more antiquated than before. Dress codes seem to fluctuate every time a new star wears his shirttail out or tucks his shirttail in while walking down a red carpet.And yet certain truths remain unchanged, and the desire for gentlemanliness persists, as well. No matter how much the world may change, a gentleman still needs to know how to behave, from day to day and from occasion to occasion. If he drops a fork, he still wants to know whether he should pick it up or leave it lying on the floor.Married or not, a gentleman will be expected to go to parties and to entertain. He has business associates to deal with and coworkers with whom he must get along. He needs to know how to set a table. He needs to know how to introduce two of his best friends.And he needs to know how to tie a bow tie, all by himself, at a moment's notice.Ultimately, however, being a gentleman has little to do with tying a tie or fumbling with the flatware. Instead, it requires only a little logic, a bit of forethought, and a great deal of consideration for others. It is not about complicated rules and convoluted instructions. It is about trying to make life easier for other people. It is about honestly and sincerely being a nice guy.For a nice guy, the noblest virtues are camaraderie, dependability, and unswerving loyalty. He realizes that it is an oversimplification to suggest that a gentleman's future might be ruined if he were to eat his entree with a salad fork. That is why this book spells out what a man really needs to know if he plans to make his way in this world. Simply acting like a gentleman is not enough. It is being a gentleman that is important, and that means thinking of others, being there when you are needed, and knowing when you are not needed.It truly is possible for a man to learn to be a gentleman if he has the direction he needs. For that reason, the women of the world have welcomed this book for over a decade.They will welcome this new edition now. And gentlemen, everywhere, will be glad to see it, too, safe in the knowledge that an ever newer world can be an ever nicer world as well.

A gentleman does his best to be there when he is needed and to stay out of the way the rest of the time.

THE FUNDAMENTAL
THINGS APPLY

10 ETERNAL TRUTHS OF THE
GENTLEMANLY LIFE

1. A gentleman says "please" and "thank you," readily and often.2. A gentleman does not disparage the beliefs of others-whether they relate to matters of faith, politics, or sports teams.3. A gentleman always carries a handkerchief, and is ready to lend it, especially to a weeping lady, should the need arise.4. A gentleman never allows a door to slam in the face of another personmale or female, young or old, absolute stranger or longtime best friend.5. A gentleman does not make jokes about race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation; neither does he find such jokes amusing.6. A gentleman knows how to stand in line and how to wait his turn.7. A gentleman is always ready to offer a hearty handshake.8. A gentleman keeps his leather shoes polished and his fingernails clean.9. A gentleman admits when he is wrong.10. A gentleman does not pick a fight.

Chapter One

A GENTLEMAN
EXPERIENCES REAL LIFE

A gentleman knows how to make others feel comfortable.

If a gentleman has a cold, and especially if he is running a fever, he declines all social invitations. If it is possible, he even stays away from the office.

Even if he lives alone, a gentleman never drinks milk directly from the container.

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