John Bridges - As a Gentleman Would Say Revised and Expanded: Responses to Lifes Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations

AS A
GENTLEMAN
WOULD SAY

OTHER GENTLEMANNERS BOOKS

How to Be a Gentleman
John Bridges

A Gentleman Entertains
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

As a Lady Would Say
Sheryl Shade

A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

How to Be a Lady
Candace Simpson-Giles

How to Raise a Lady
Kay West

How to Raise a Gentleman
Kay West

A Gentleman Entertains
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

50 Things Every Young Gentleman Should Know
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

50 Things Every Young Lady Should Know
Kay West

Toasts & Tributes
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

A Gentleman Walks Down the Aisle
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

A Lady at the Table
Sheryl Shade with John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

A Gentleman at the Table
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

A Gentleman Abroad
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

AS A
GENTLEMAN
WOULD SAY

REVISED AND EXPANDED

RESPONSES TO LIFES
IMPORTANT (AND SOMETIMES
AWKWARD) SITUATIONS

JOHN BRIDGES AND
BRYAN CURTIS

2001, 2012 by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for brief quotations in critical reviews and articles.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc. titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

ISBN-13: 978-1-40160-469-1 (repack)

The Library of Congress has cataloged the earlier edition as follows:

Bridges, John, 1950
As a gentleman would say : responses to lifes important (and sometimes awkward) situations / by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis.
p. cm.

ISBN: 978-1-55853-846-7 (hardcover)
ISBN: 978-1-4016-0040-2 (leather edition)

1. Ettiquette for men. 2. Conversation. I. Curtis, Bryan. II. Title.
BJ1601 .B75 2001
395.142dc21 2001020488

Printed in the United States of America

12 13 14 15 16 WOR 5 4 3 2 1

To Ginger Parra, who can talk her way out of, and into, anything she pleases. With love,
J. B.

To Vince Fayette, for his consistency, his friendship, and his support.
B. C.

Contents

T he military can train a man to react without thinking when he is under enemy fire. A good accounting course can teach any businessman how to read a spreadsheet with absolute ease. A seasoned quarterback can know what play to call, almost instinctively, in the heat of even the closest game. But the sight of a would-be love interest, the prospect of a dinner party, or the presence of a bereaved coworker can reduce even the bravest hero to mumbling gibberish. Even though he has the best of intentions, a gentleman oftentimes finds himself fumbling for words. He means well, but for the life of him he cant think of what he means to say at the moment. When he should be taking a deep breath and composing his thoughts, he finds himself blurting out something he would never intentionally say.

Of course a gentleman knows what fork to use, he opens the door for others, and he always puts the toilet lid back down. But gentlemanliness goes deeper than mere nice manners, it requires preparation, so that, whenever possible, a gentleman can do his part to make the world a much nicer place in which to live. Because he knows that a thoughtless comment can forever diminish the way others view a person, a gentleman does not open his mouth without thinking ahead. Oftentimes a gentleman is put to the test when he is least expecting it. He is introduced to a new friend at a cocktail party, and he can think of nothing except the ungainliness of the new friends hairpiece. A longtime acquaintance strides up, extends his hand, and the gentlemans mind goes blank. A coworker has just had a miscarriage, and the gentleman wants to say something, but he does not know, precisely, the right thing to say. Given the opportunity to dash off an e-mail or to comment via a social network site, he finds himself having pushed the Send or Share button, only to regret the action five seconds afterward. These awkward moments, and others like them, come to a gentleman far too regularly over the course of his life.

If a gentleman is prepared, he can handle almost any awkward social situation. The basic rule is to say as little as possible, but to choose those few words with the utmost care. A gentleman knows that when he expresses his sympathy, he is not expected to heal the pain of parents who have lost a child in a horrible automobile accident. At the same time, he knows that even in lighter moments he is not perfect. If he forgets a name, he can admit the gaffe and be forgiven. He knows, too, that he must stand up for himself and whenever possible say what he thinks. But because he knows that a thoughtless comment, or an ill-considered posting on Facebook, can forever diminish another persons reputation, a gentleman does not open his mouth, or share images, opinions, or information via any social network site without thinking ahead. If a friend asks him to lie, he declines to participate in the deception. If he is treated rudely in a restaurant, he knows how to lodge his complaint as well as how to determine the person with whom it should be lodged. If he has strong feelings about politics or religion, he knows when and where those opinions should be voiced. And despite whatever others may think, he knows that being a gentleman has nothing to do with being a doormat. It is not an inevitability, he knows, that good guys must always finish last. In matters of love and friendship, saying the right thing is of vital importance. But a real gentleman knows that sometimes, when words seem to have lost all usefulness, being silent can be the right thing too.

Knowing what to say, and more important what not to say, in lifes important situations, is a priceless skill. The drill sergeant trains his soldiers to react without thinking under enemy fire; the professor teaches the potential businessman to read a spreadsheet; the coach prepares his quarterback to know what play to call. This book exists to prepare a gentleman for those moments when he, too, will have to spring to action. It provides the ammunition and the strategies he will need to survive even the most embarrassing encounters.

A gentleman knows that saying the right thing is not about being quick and clever. Instead he has higher priorities. A gentleman makes others feel better about themselves. He wants to put himself in the other persons place. He wants life to run more smoothly not just for himself, but for the people he encounters in the normal course of life. He wants to be part of the solution to lifes problemsespecially the ones over which he has some small amount of control. At the very least, he does not add to the unavoidable awkwardness that is an all-too-common part of human existence. That, he knows, is what gentlemanliness is all about.

When a gentleman speaks, he hopes to sound wise, orat the very leasthe hopes to bring a smile to someones face. He never uses words to harm or demean another person. Even when he is silent, he can be eloquent, offering a listening ear, or a shoulder for a friend to lean on.