John Bridges - Toasts and Tributes Revised and Expanded: A Gentlemans Guide to Personal Correspondence and the Noble Tradition of the Toast

A gentleman cherishes the memorable moments of his life, both while they are happening and after they are over. When he is called upon to say a few words on a happy occasion, he does his best to choose the words that honor the occasion itself and the people with whom the gentleman shares it. In that way, as he raises his glass to lead a toast, he also raises the spirits of the moment, making them even brighter.

Many times, however, a gentleman wishes to mark the moment by putting his feelings on the page. Sometimes his intention is to say thank you for a lovely evening, a thoughtful gift, or some special kindness shown to him.

At other times his purpose may be to express his concern for the sadness of a beloved friend or a valued coworker. Or he may be seizing the moment to share in the joy of a wedding celebration, the birth of a new baby, or a well-deserved promotion at the office.

Whether he stands at the head of the table with celebratory glass in hand, sits down at his desk with pen and ink and paper, or (on some rarefied occasions) sends along a carefully worded e-mail, a gentleman does his best to give lifes important moments the attention they are due.

This book provides a gentleman with the right wordsthe words he will need to make those moments last. Such moments, after all, are few and far between.

A gentlemans life is full of happy occasions, some of them formal, some of them as easy going as a cookout on a Labor Day afternoon. A gentleman knows that on any of these occasions he and his friends may choose to mark the moment by raising a glass, or a bottle, in honor of a special guest or a treasured colleague. The occasion itself may call for a toast for no other reason than to acknowledge the spirit of the moment and the simple pleasure of being among friends. At such times a gentleman should feel most at ease, since he is only being asked to say what is truly in his heart.

It is at such moments, however, that a gentleman often clinchesparticularly if the occasion involves the marriage of his own child, the retirement of a beloved colleague, or his own departure from an organization to which he has given much of himself over a long period. He may also find it difficult to put into words his feelings about the marriage of a long-time friend or the union of two friends whose relationship he has helped nurture.

A gentlemans discomfort may be made greater by the sense that a spotlight is shining in his face. In his heart of hearts, however, a gentleman knows that, if he is the one offering the toast, he is not the center of attention. He also knows that he is not expected to wax eloquent or to be quoted in the morning paper. He just says what is in his heart and lets the party proceed.

What follows are some simple guidelines for making toasts, accompanied by some easily adaptable examples. These should not be taken as strict rules that must be followed or as rigid models to be imitated. Rather, they are intended to point the gentleman in the right direction at those times when he chooses to raise his glass and express his respect, admiration, or love for a friend.

A gentleman knows that toasts are intended as tributes and, as such, are a means of celebration.

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A gentleman knows that a toast need not be epic in length. Usually a few well-thought-out words are more effective than an extended tribute would be.

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A gentleman knows that the freshest toast of the evening is the first one offered.

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To make a toast more personal, a gentleman may include reminiscences and anecdotes. However, he makes sure that the entire assembly will appreciate and understand them.

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A gentleman knows that a toast is not a full-fledged testimonial, outlining the honorees lifetime achievements and accomplishments.

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When a gentleman makes a toast to someone present in the room, he makes it directly to that person, not to the table at large.

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A gentleman knows that he need not end his toast by saying, Heres to Tom, Heres to Gloria, or Heres to the bride and groomalthough such expressions are never inappropriate. Simply extending his glass toward the honoree is a sufficient conclusion.

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A gentleman knows that, since toasts are intended for celebratory occasions, they require at least moderately formal glassware.

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A gentleman knows that, beer steins excepted, he may not toast with anything resembling a coffee cup.