Carley Roney - The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions: Readings, Rituals, Music, Dances, and Toasts

Copyright 2000, 2013 by The Knot, Inc. All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Clarkson Potter/Publishers, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.crownpublishing.com
www.clarksonpotter.com CLARKSON POTTER is a trademark and POTTER with colophon is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc. Due to limitations of space, text permissions appear . A previous edition of this work was published in the United States by
Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, in 2000. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Roney, Carley.
The knot guide to wedding vows and traditions: readings, rituals, music, dances, and toasts / Carley Roney. cm.
1. cm.
1.

Marriage customs and rites. 2. Wedding etiquette. I. Title.
GT2690.R66 2013
392.5dc23 2012028894 eISBN: 978-0-7704-3382-6 ISBN: 978-0-7704-3379-6 Front cover photographs (clockwise from top left): She-n-He Photography and Design, Green Apple Photo, Barbara Alessandra Photography, Melissa Brandman Photography, Cappy Hotchkiss, Millie Holloman Photography, Katelyn James Photography, Mike Larson v3.1

The idea for this book came directly from the millions of brides and grooms who visit TheKnot.comvows and music are two of the most searched terms on the site! Their ideas and suggestions were invaluable in our researching and writing this book. (Thanks as well to their photographers for letting us use their photos. (Thanks as well to their photographers for letting us use their photos.

See their credits in the back of the book.) Many experts in the field gave this book depth. Id particularly like to thank the celebrants who let us print the unique ceremony words that they have written, especially Barbara Ann Michaels, the Reverend Gary Rozman, Chris Robinson, Bill Swetmon, Joyce Gioia, Joan Hawxhurst, the Reverends Irwin and Florence Schnurman, ordained lay clergyman Noah R. W. Saunders, and Dr. Tino Ballesteros. Thanks as well to the DJs and bandleadersSteve McEwen, Reid Spears, and Ted Knightwho helped us put together the worlds longest song list of first-dance songs.

Id like to thank all the friends and colleagues and family who have shown brilliant insights and support along the way. I am very lucky to have an incredible team at The Knot to help me pull this together. Thanks to all who contributed, from research to reading to finding the images. Thanks to the Clarkson Potter team, including Aliza Fogelson, Rae Ann Spitzenberger, Zach Greenwald, and Alexis Mentor. Of course, thanks to my family: my husband, David; my children, Havana, Cairo, and Dublin; my father, who introduced me to the brilliance of Rilke; and my mother, the poet in the family.

With all the details of planning a wedding reception, the ceremony is often the last thing you think about.

But it is, of course, where the ultimate meaning liesand despite the traditions and age-old rituals, you still have plenty of opportunities to express yourselves. The decisions you make for your wedding (even the choice to have one at all) give you the chance to make a statementabout what you love about your relationship and about what is important to you both as you begin your life together. This book will help you to make your wedding as unique as you are. Heres what to remember as you plan:

Your wedding should be rich with personality and culture. Think about all of the things that have meaning for you, and feel free to include them even if they are not wedding-specific (and even if that means having the words to an obscure song on your invitation). Whats most important is that the lyrics, readings, and sayings are significant to you.

The worst thing that can happen is that people will ask questions and you might have the chance to let them in on the secret. And dont be afraid to make people laugh!

Even if you wont have readings at your wedding, spend a few evenings together indulging in the words about love and marriage that weve included in this book. Theyll make you think, theyll make you cry, and theyll put into perspective any tensions the wedding planning may be causing you. No, you dont have to literally compose your entire ceremony. Just make sure you choose words that have meaning for you, and that you actually think about that meaning. Also, put away any preconceived notions you may have about religious wordsthey can be some of the most moving.

If you find additional readings you love or a perfect first-dance song that we have left out, let us know! Come to The Knot and submit your ideas, or find even more at: TheKnot.com/Ceremony TheKnot.com/Traditions TheKnot.com/Vows TheKnot.com/Rituals TheKnot.com/Programs TheKnot.com/Music TheKnot.com/Toasts Enjoy!

While its inevitable that most of the planning goes into the party, a wedding is ultimately about making a public promise. To be legally wed, all you really need to do is consent to marry each other before an authorized officiant: Max, do you take Maria as your lawfully wedded wife? I do (and vice versa) basically does it. But were not going to let you off the hook that easily. Invest some time thinking through your commitment to each other. Whether you work with your own words or traditional vows, we want you to really mean what you are saying. Each religious faith has wedding traditions and practices, including marriage vows that have been passed down through generations.

The exact phrases used vary slightly from place to place and among different clergyyour officiant will most likely give you an outline that describes the entire ceremony as he or she generally performs it, as well as printed vows, which you may decide to use verbatim or as a jumping-off point. Here you will find the common wordings and a few notes on the ceremony for each religion as well as various denominations. Dont be afraid to respectfully ask your priest, minister, or rabbi for a departure from the words they usually use. the best of both