Sheryl Shade - As a Lady Would Say: Responses to Lifes Important (and Sometimes Awkward) Situations

AS A LADY
WOULD SAY

OTHER GENTLEMANNERS BOOKS

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John Bridges

A Gentleman Entertains
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As a Gentleman Would Say
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A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up
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A Gentleman Raises His Glass
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A Gentleman Pens a Note
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A Gentleman at the Table (Coming Soon)
John Bridges and Bryan Curtis

How to Be a Lady
Candace Simpson-Giles

A Lady at the Table (Coming Soon)
Sheryl Shade

How to Raise a Lady
Kay West

How to Raise a Gentleman
Kay West

To
CARRIE AND SHADE,
two pure hearts that are at the core of my every thought. Thank
you for the love, joy, and goodness that you seek every day.

Copyright 2004 by Sheryl Shade, John Bridges, and Bryan Curtis.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without prior permission of the publisher.

Published by Rutledge Hill Press, a Division of Thomas Nelson, Inc., P.O. Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee 37214.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Shade, Sheryl, 1958
As a lady would say : responses to life's important (and
sometimes awkward) situations / Sheryl Shade,
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-4016-0150-2 (hardcover)
ISBN 1-4016-0196-0 (leather)
1. Etiquette for women. I. Title.
BJ1876.S53 2004
395.1 '44dc22

2004006466

Printed in the United States of America

04 05 06 07 08 5 4 3 2 1

CONTENTS

61 Things Every
Well-Spoken Lady Knows

A lady never intends to say the wrong thing. In a perfect world, she would always have her wits about her, impressing business clients and coworkers with her ability to think on her feet, always saying the compassionate thing in a moment of sorrow, never forgetting a name at a cocktail party. But the world is not perfect, and even the most thoughtful lady stumbles.

At times she may be able to laugh off her mistakes, but at other times she may find herself more than a little embarrassed by her own awkwardness. Even worse, she may fear that, without intending to do so, she has said something hurtful. A lady knows how to apologize, of course, but she hopes to have to use that skill as little as possible.

Thus, she tries to think ahead, and this book exists in order to help her prepare for life's most challenging moments. Some of these moments are predictable: At some point in her life, every lady will be called upon to express her sympathy to a grieving friend. At other times, however, she will be caught off guard by another person's inconsiderate remark or by the rudeness of a server in a restaurant.

Oftentimes a lady is put to the test when she least expects it. A longtime acquaintance strides up, extends his hand, and the lady's mind goes blank. A coworker has just had a miscarriage, and the lady wants to say something, but she does not know precisely the right thing to say. These awkward moments, and others like them, come to a lady far too regularly over the course of her life. In such situations a lady has no desire to laugh at herself, or at the behavior of others. Instead, she attempts to cope with such awkward moments by thinking ahead.

Rushing down the sidewalk, with six different things on her mind, a lady does not expect to run into her former boss. Neither does she expect him to be wearing an unflattering new toupee. But it happens, and her reaction to that person, at that moment, may say a great deal about her ability to deal with any of life's challenges. By saying the wrong thing, she may hurt a respected friend's feelings, changing forever the way he perceives her. By saying the right thing, however, she may shore up the self-confidence of a fellow human who may not be feeling entirely comfortable in his own skin.

A lady knows which fork to use, what to wear to a wedding at 7 P.M., and how to write a thoughtful, timely thank-you note. But being a lady goes deeper than following the rules. It requires preparation so that, whenever possible, a lady can do her part to make the world a much nicer place in which to live. Because she knows that a thoughtless comment can forever diminish another person's opinion of her, a lady thinks before she speaks, anytime, anywhere.

After all, a lady knows that in any awkward situation, the best course of action is to say as little as possible and to choose those few words with the utmost care. A lady knows that when she expresses her sympathy, she is not expected to heal the pain of parents who have lost a child in a tragic automobile accident. At the same time, she knows that even in lighter moments she is not perfect. If she forgets a name, she admits the gaffe and begs forgiveness. A lady knows, too, however, that she must stand up for herself and for her own beliefs and opinions. If a friend asks her to lie, she declines to participate in the deception. If she is treated rudely in a restaurant, she knows how to lodge her complaintand how to determine with whom it should be lodged. If she has strong feelings about politics or religion, she knows when and where those opinions should be voiced. At the same time, she knows that being a lady does not require that she accept condescending or abusive treatment, in any situation.

In matters of love and friendship, a lady does her best to say the right thing. But she also knows that sometimes, when words seem to have lost all usefulness, her silence can be the most eloquent language of all. Knowing what to say, and more important, what not to say, in life's challenging situations is a priceless skill. No matter how awkward the predicament, a lady's goal is always to make others feel better about themselves, and she does so by attempting always to put herself in the other person's place.

A lady hopes that life will run smoothlynot just for herself, but also for the people she encounters in the normal course of her day She intends to be part of the solution to life's problemsespecially the ones over which she has some small amount of control. That, she knows, is what being a lady is all about.

61 THINGS EVERY
WELL-SPOKEN LADY
KNOWS

A lady knows how to begin
a conversation.

Although a lady would never
provoke an unpleasant confrontation,
she knows how to deal with one.

A lady always thinks before she speaks.

Although a lady does not fret
over the past, she also thinks after
she speaks, assessing the correctness
of her behavior.

If a lady realizes, in retrospect,
that she is guilty of an unintentionally
rude or thoughtless remark, she
attempts to set the matter straight,
at her earliest opportunity.

If a lady is subjected to a rude
remark or rude behavior, she does
not offer rudeness in return.

A lady allows others to finish their
sentences. Even in her most brilliant
moments, she does not interrupt others,
no matter how dull their opinions
might beor how many times she
may have heard their stories before.

A lady does not talk with her
mouth fulleven over the phone.

A lady is slow to judge the actions
of others, in either their public or