Nancy Reagan - My Turn: The Memoirs of Nancy Reagan

Copyright 1989 by Nancy Reagan
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions.
Published in the United States by Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reprint previously published material:

American Express: Excerpt from a Ron Reagan, Jr., American Express commercial, Do You Know Me? series. American Express Company is owner of the trademark Do You Know Me? and the copyright owner of the Do You Know Me? series of commercials. These materials are being used with the express permission of American Express Company.

Principal, Dixon High School: Excerpt from a poem by Ronald Reagan from his yearbook, The Dixonian. Reprinted by permission.

The Gridiron Club of Washington, D.C.: A parody of the song Second-Hand Rose, with lyrics by the Officers of The Gridiron Club of Washington, D.C. Reprinted by permission of The Gridiron Club of Washington, D.C.

William Morris Agency: Excerpt from an article written by Ron Reagan, Jr., which appeared in The Washington Post on January 17, 1980. Reprinted by permission of William Morris Agency on behalf of Ron Reagan, Jr.

The New York Times: A Margaret Truman Daniel quote which appeared in Notes on People by Albin Krebs and Robert McG. Thomas, Jr., October 16, 1981; excerpts from The First Lady Stages a Coup by William Safire, March 2, 1987; and an excerpt from Whispering in the Presidents Ear (editorial), March 4, 1987. Copyright 1981/87 by The New York Times Company. Reprinted by permission.

Landon Parvin: A reprise of the parody of the song Second-Hand Rose, lyrics by Landon Parvin. Reprinted by permission.

The Saturday Evening Post Society: Excerpt from Pretty Nancy by Joan Didion. Reprinted from The Saturday Evening Post. Copyright 1968 by The Curtis Publishing Company. Reprinted by permission.

The Washington Post: Excerpt from Below the Belt by Judy Mann from the March 6, 1987, issue of The Washington Post. Copyright 1987 by The Washington Post. Reprinted by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Reagan, Nancy.
My turn : the memoirs of Nancy Reagan / by Nancy Reagan with
William Novak.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-307-76602-1
1. Reagan, Nancy. 2. Reagan, Ronald. 3. Presidents
United StatesWivesBiography. I. Novak, William. II. Title.
E878.R43A3 1989
973.927092dc20

[B] 89-42786

v3.1

Foreword

I N 1981, when Ronnie and I moved to Washington, I never dreamed that our eight years there would be a time of so much emotion. But life in the White House is magnified: The highs were higher than I expected, and the lows were much lower.

While I loved being first lady, my eight years with that title were the most difficult years of my life. Both of my parents died while Ronnie was president, and my husband and I were both operated on for cancer. Before we had even settled in, Ronnie was shot and almost killed. Then there was the pressure of living under the intense scrutiny of the media, and the frustration of frequently being misunderstood. Everything I did or said seemed to generate controversy, and it often seemed that you couldnt open a newspaper without seeing a story about memy husband and me, my children and me, Donald Regan and me, and so on.

I dont think I was as bad, or as extreme in my power or my weakness, as I was depictedespecially during the first year, when people thought I was overly concerned with trivialities, and the final year, when some of the same people were convinced I was running the show.

In many ways, I think I served as a lightning rod; and in any case, I came to realize that while Ronald Reagan was an extremely popular president, some people didnt like his wife very much. Something about me, or the image people had of me, just seemed to rub them the wrong way.

During our White House years, I said almost nothing about how I really felt regarding the controversies that swirled around me. While the first lady has a marvelous opportunity to speak out on important issuesI chose the drug problemon a personal level she loses her freedom of speech. There were so many things that I longed to say but couldnt; it just wouldnt have been appropriate.

But now those years are over, and its my turn to describe what happened. Although there is a certain dignity in silence, which I find appealing, I have decided that for me, for our children, and for the historical record, I want to tell my side of the story. So much was said about meabout astrology, and my relationship with Raisa Gorbachev, and whether I got Donald Regan fired, and what went on between me and my children, especially Patti. Ironically, I felt I could start rebuilding our private life only by going public on these and other topicsto have my say and then to move on.

I often cried during those eight years. There were times when I just didnt know what to do, or how I would survive. But even so, I wouldnt trade those experiences for anything. I did things I never dreamed I could do, went places I never imagined Id go, grew in ways I never thought possible. In 1988, during the space of a single week, I stood in the Kremlin with the Gorbachevs, had tea in Buckingham Palace with Queen Elizabeth, visited with Mrs. Thatcher at 10 Downing Street, and stopped off at Disney World in Florida with some of my favorite people on earth, the Foster Grandparents. And always, there was the love and support of my husband.

Yes, almost from the day I met him, Ronald Reagan has been the center of my life. I have been criticized for saying that, but its true.

Its impossible to cover everything, and so I have tried in My Turn to focus as much as possible on the topics that people ask me about most often. Although much of the book concerns the 1980s, I dont really intend this as a history of the Reagan years in Washington. This is a book about people rather than politics, except where political matters touched me directly, as they did during the long months of the Iran-contra affair, and during Ronnies five election campaigns.

I kept a diary during our White House years, and I have drawn upon it often in this book. I experience the world through my intuitions and feelings, and youll find out a lot about those in these pages.

My mother used to say, Play the hand thats dealt you, and that is what I have always tried to do. And this, for better or worse, is how it seemed to me.

Contents

I T was early afternoon on March 30, 1981, only seventy days after my husband was sworn in as president of the United States. I had just returned to the White House from a luncheon and was talking in the third-floor solarium with Ted Graber, our decorator, and Rex Scouten, the chief usher.