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Caitlin Kunkel - New Erotica for Feminists: Satirical Fantasies of Love, Lust, and Equal Pay

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Caitlin Kunkel New Erotica for Feminists: Satirical Fantasies of Love, Lust, and Equal Pay

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He calls me into his office and closes the door . . . to promote me. He promotes me again and again. I am wild with ecstasy. Imagine a world where all erotica was written by feminists: Their daydreams include equal pay, a gender-balanced Congress, and Tom Hardy arriving at their doorstep to deliver a fresh case of LaCroix every week. Both light-hearted and empowering, New Erotica for Feminists is a sly, satirical take on all the things that turn feminists on. From a retelling of Adam and Eve to tales of respectful Tinder dates, New Erotica for Feminists answers the question of What do women really want? with stories of power, equality, and an immortal Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

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An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC 375 Hu - photo 1
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC 375 Hudson Street New York NY 10014 - photo 2
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC 375 Hudson Street New York NY 10014 - photo 3

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC 375 Hudson Street New York NY 10014 - photo 4

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

375 Hudson Street

New York, NY 10014

Copyright 2018 by Caitlin Kunkel Brooke Preston Fiona Taylor and Carrie - photo 5

Copyright 2018 by Caitlin Kunkel, Brooke Preston, Fiona Taylor, and Carrie Wittmer

Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

Registered TrademarkMarca Registrada Illustrations by Sarah Kempa LIBRARY OF - photo 6 Registered TrademarkMarca Registrada

Illustrations by Sarah Kempa

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Names: Kunkel, Caitlin, author. | Preston, Brooke, author. | Taylor, Fiona, 1969 author. | Wittmer, Carrie, author.

Title: New erotica for feminists : satirical tales of love, lust, and equal pay / Caitlin Kunkel, Brooke Preston, Fiona Taylor, and Carrie Wittmer.

Description: New York, New York : Plume, [2018]

Identifiers: LCCN 2018032489 (print) | LCCN 2018048060 (ebook) | ISBN 9780525540410 (ebook) | ISBN 9780525540403 | ISBN 9780525540403 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9780525954157 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: FeminismHumor. | WomenHumor.

Classification: LCC PN6231.F44 (ebook) | LCC PN6231.F44 K86 2018 (print) | DDC 817.008/09287dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018032489

While the authors have made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the authors assume any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

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For every hot and bothered feminist out there, this book is for you. We hope it makes you burn... for equality.

CONTENTS A brief note from the authors on how this book came to be and the - photo 7

CONTENTS

A brief note from the authors on how this book came to be and the meaning of satirical feminist erotica.

Even basic errands become oh-so-hot when you add equality to your list of things to bring home.

Business trips to pay slipswell get at least 77 percent as scandalous as a man would.

Love me Tinder. From sexy sweatpants to a new plan A for obtaining Plan B, this chapter is all about love and sex in the here and now.

Real-talk Jane Austen, self-aware Nick Carraway, and other imaginings of literary lust.

All your favorites show up for a big ol orgy of fictional, empowering celebrity smut.

Parents have needs too, even if those needs are mostly just naps.

Get the real lowdown on what happened historically from Eve, Helen of Troy, and Eleanor Roosevelt.

Resources to make this book feel obsolete sooner by bringing about a more equitable society.

FOREPLAY

Erotica is a written genre intended to arouse. Satire is a form of comedy designed to ignite. If erotica and satire made some questionable choices in the back of a Volkswagen van, their baby would be New Erotica for Feminists.

We would love for you to believe that when the four of us started riffing on funny feminist fantasies together one afternoon, we were thoughtfully deconstructing the patriarchy with erudite, highbrow wit from the get-go. In reality, we were goofing off in a group chat while editing The Belladonna (the comedy and satire site we cofounded, by women and nonbinary authors, for everyone), devising far-fetched and sensual schemes to convince the fine people of LaCroix Sparkling Water to deliver cases to us under the guise of a corporate sponsorship. And hey, while were speaking these desires into the universe, why not send, say, Tom Hardy to make that delivery?

This collective reverie turned into New Erotica for Feminists, a short satirical piece made up of twelve original vignettes that ran on McSweeneys Internet Tendency. In the days following publication we watched, jaws agape, as our group cackle spread across the internet like wildfire. It quickly became clear that our erotic feminist daydreams had hit a deeper throbbing nerve, one that runs through every date, conversation, and breath of many a womans life. Its the nerve that stands on end every time you see a best of list that includes exclusively men. Its the nerve that frays every time a date loudly talks over you to explain how important the Womens March was. Its the nerve that flares up when youre mommy-tracked at work, told to wear more or less makeup, given a side-eye for the food you order, or told to smile more.

It was endless, bawdy fun to flip well-worn tropes of pornography and erotica. But the more we wrote, the angrier we got. Ah, yes, the angry feministthe most erotic of characters! Why should these thingsequal pay, decent maternity leave, construction workers who catcall about books rather than lookshave to remain so far from our grasp in 2018?

Can one book of smutty jokes bring down our problematic patriarchy? Sadly, no. (Unless you literally hurl it at a lurking creepers nugget pouch in a parking garage; then, partially.) But as the serious and necessary global conversations sparked by the #MeToo and Times Up movements continue, think of this book as your humorous release valve, providing a moment to laugh, think, and ignite the new batch of fire and energy well need to bring about our utopian future ruled by an immortal Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Erotica invites readers to imagine themselves in different scenarios; our book is no different. We hope weve left just enough room in each vignette for you to slink in as the main character. In that vein, weve intentionally removed many identifiers to allow a diverse array of readers to superimpose themselves onto the page. While feminists of many ethnicities and orientations are celebrated and name-checked throughout, we strived to be responsible allies, rather than presuming to speak on behalf of anothers experience or struggle. Weve also included a resource chapter, inviting and emboldening us all to get more involved in relevant issues and step outside our normal spheres.

So get crazy, dear and sexy reader. Lets gather at the crossroads of personal passions and righteous anger. Grab your friend, spouse, or book club hookup, and let your wildest satirical fantasies flow.

Because theres nothing sexier than love, lust, and equal pay.

NEW EVERYDAY EROTICA for FEMINISTS The cop asks if I know why he pulled me - photo 8
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