Roy Rosell - Scared Speechless: My Crazy Journey to Mastering Fear

Hi, my name is ______ and I saw your video on YouTube. I felt _____ (a- inspired; b- confused; c- pissed-off) by your speech and decided to message you for help. I have been struggling with the fear of public speaking for ___ years, and it makes my body ____ [adjective or verb], my face ____ [adjective or verb] and my confidence go to ____ [expletive noun]. I know that if this stays the same, Im going to: a- Drop out of_____ [school name]; b- Continue doing _____ [low-paying occupation] making $___ [single digit number] an hour for the rest of my ____ [expletive] life; c- [Insert other miserable outcome in descriptive sentence]. Please tell me how you learned to manage your fear, you lucky _____ [noun]!

T his is the basic template of the hundreds of emails and messages Ive received from people trying to control their fear. But about a week before starting Scared Speechless , I received an email that left me thunderstruck:

Hello Roy, Ive been struggling with the fear of public speaking since I was fifteen. Im afraid to introduce myself to the class, or to answer a question that requires more than two wordseven if I know the answer. Presentations are my ultimate fearI prefer to receive an F than do a five-minute presentation. Its a monster that never goes away. Do you know what makes me most sad about it? I wasnt like this at all before the age of fifteen. My dream was to become a news reporter. Im thirty-four today. Im happy for you, my friend, but this monster is holding me tight. This has destroyed me.

Holy crap I thought. Minus wanting to be a news reporter, this is a letter I would have written had I not learned to control my fear. Just as it was for the reader who sent that email, my fear of public speaking was a monster that dragged my self-esteem on a leash everywhere it went. I couldnt shake it off for the life of me.

What I wish Id known when I started my battle is that fear is not an incurable disease. Fear is just a glass barrier waiting to be shattered and, once shattered, theres nothing that can hold you back. But before I get into too much detail about all of that, allow me to introduce myself.

Im Roy Rosell, son of Hebe Rosell and Roy Rosell Sr. (youll soon meet them and their Spanglish wisdom). Im half-Argentinian, half-Peruvian, so that means I have a Ron-Swanson-esque obsession with food, I have broken at least twenty bones playing futbol , I enjoy (but am terrible at) Latin dancing, and Im more touchy-feely than most people. The touchiness has led to some painfully awkward social interactions:

Guy: Hi, Im Mark. Its a pleasure to meet you.

Me: The pleasure is mine, Mark!
*I move in for the customary Latino kiss on the cheek*

Mark: I didnt mean to lead you on.

Aside from being a food-obsessed, soccer-loving, two-left-footed, touchy Argentinian/Peruvian, who I am today is thanks to the struggles of my past. Between the ages of ten and twenty-three, I suffered from a terrorizing fear of public speaking. I dont mean the ...giving speeches makes my voice quiver, or the I get so nervous, public speaking is hard! type of public speaking fear. I mean the I havent slept for two nights; I just spent thirty minutes crying; crouched over a toilet bowl with nerve-induced nausea; and I ended up skipping my presentationbut Id probably have passed out on stage anyway type of public speaking fear. Ive ditched important classes, job interviews, and some potentially life-changing opportunities to avoid standing up in front of an audience.

The process of figuring out how to overcome my fear wascrazy. Frantic. Absurd. Yet, sometimes, it was entirely logical. It took me twelve years to figure outfinallyhow to defeat the curse that was eating away my potential (and my sanity).

Becoming the lover of public speaking I am today hasnt been easy. Whereas before Id be more inclined to claw my eyes out than speak in front of a group, now, I look for every opportunity to rock the socks off an audience. Heres a list of the highlights of my journey so far. I:

• have been a lover of public speaking (ages four to ten, and age twenty
  -three to present).
• have been terrified of public speaking (age ten to twenty-three).
• have suffered from social anxiety, due to my crippling fear of public speaking (age ten to nineteen).
• have had an enormous afro hair-style, that ranged in size from four to twelve inches off my head, in all directions (ages thirteen to twenty-six).
• have sometimes been a loner, especially during my entire first year of high school (age fourteen). That year, I frequently walked across campus pretending to text friends on my phone, and spent lunch breaks sad and alone in desolate hallways.
• played in a punk rock band (age fifteen to sixteen), made new friends my parents didnt approve of, and started wearing all blackpartly to fit in and partly to conceal my public speaking nerve-induced sweat.