Karen Nimmo - Busy as F@uck

Contents

CONTENTS

HarperCollinsPublishers

First published in 2019

by HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited

Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand

harpercollins.co.nz

Copyright Karen Nimmo 2019

Karen Nimmo asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. This work is copyright. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

HarperCollinsPublishers

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ISBN 978 1 7755 4144 8 (pbk)

ISBN 978 1 7754 9175 0 (ebook)

A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of New Zealand.

Cover design by Mark Campbell, HarperCollins Design Studio

Cover images by shutterstock.com

He aha te mea nui o te ao

What is the most important thing in the world?

He tangata, he tangata, he tangata

It is the people, it is the people, it is the people.

Mori proverb

The mind I love must have wild places, a tangled orchard where dark damsons drop in the heavy grass, an overgrown little wood, the chance of a snake or two, a pool that nobodys fathomed the depth of, and paths threaded with flowers planted by the mind.

Katherine Mansfield

A cautionary note

Busy as F*ck people walk among us. Actually, they are us. While the stories, anecdotes and examples in this book are true, all names and identifying details have been changed to protect confidentiality. Where I suspected someones story might be recognisable Ive blended details from several sources. If you think you recognise yourself or someone else in these pages please dismiss it as purely wishful thinking.

Over lunch I met a Busy woman who gave me a detailed account of her busyness far beyond my level of interest.

As I listened my lifeblood ebbed away. So much to do, so little time: her work, her kids, her charities, her house, her parents, her everything. Her phone rang in her bag as she was talking. When she finally left me for someone more receptive I felt like screaming. Or drinking. Make that both.

But she was not an unpleasant woman, nor a mean one. She was just so trapped in her busyness she could not see outside it. Or understand that someone she had just met might not be so invested.

Busy, Busy, BUSY

Busy is our new normal. It sits slightly outside the Anxiety Club, even though it can affect our physical and emotional health in the same ways, because Busy people are not unwell; theyve just got a to-do list that never ends.

They also look frighteningly like most of us.

Think about the last time someone asked you how you were? Did you hear yourself saying busy?

Ive certainly said it. Its partly habit, partly that were almost scared not to say it. Because the opposite of busy is... well... no-one wants to be that. It implies no meaningful work, no friends, no activities, no life. What a loser.

I tried this with a group of friends. Im not busy, I said. It was true Id taken some time off work so my time was all, deliciously, my own.

There was a sort of uneasy silence then one friend rushed in to cover for me. But youre doing all sorts of other things. Code for youre not lazy or a loser. Youre busy too. Just In Your Own Way.

I took the leave pass graciously. I need my friends.

But really? When did busy become a badge of honour? Ive never heard busy offered up at a funeral as a source of pride. Well miss this Busy Woman. She led a life So Busy. The saying is Rest in Peace for a reason. My dream is that we are able to do it while we are alive.

But how? Theres no dodging the reality of frenetic modern lifestyles and the related hit on our health and wellbeing. It worries me that we rush frantically between work and yoga classes; that we load our phones with meditation apps we dont have time to use; that we struggle to get our heart rates down to resting even when we are resting.

Whats going on? When did it all get this crazy? How did we lose our way?

The developed world is awash with mental health difficulties; depression, anxiety and suicide are rising at alarming rates and those are just the official numbers. As a clinical psychologist in private practice, Ive witnessed the increase in referrals over the past decade as people knock up against the demands of their hectic lives: home, work, study, relationships and money. Traditionally, people sought help for classified mental disorders; now, in addition to those difficulties, therapy has become a melting pot of emotional struggle fused with the stuff of ordinary life. Why amI constantly stressed? How do I stop feeling overwhelmed and exhausted? Why do I overthink everything? How can I be more motivated? More resilient? How can I COPE? How do I help my kids to do the same?

Everywhere you look people are rushed, exhausted, jittery, distracted, frustrated and unsatisfied. People in mid-life are weighed down by obligation and responsibility; young people, who should be excited by life, are paralysed by choice and loaded decisions. It used to be that we only had to keep up with the Joneses; now, with a 24/7 online window to the lives of others, were in a competition we never signed on for, striving to do more, have more, be more. Come on! Be productive. Dont waste a moment. Find your passion. Follow your star. Live the dream. Take better holidays. Make more money. Go to more parties. Date someone hotter. Post a cooler photo. Its exhausting and unhealthy not to mention a little weird.

We all know stress can be a good thing motivating, even inspiring and so a life without stress might mean were selling ourselves short.

But we know, too, a stress overload can take us directly the other way.

When stress turns toxic, it swings a wrecking ball at our mental and physical health. Multiple studies have shown links between stress and sleep difficulties, heart disease, blood pressure problems, weakened immune systems, weight fluctuations and a raft of other physical health issues. Psychologically, depression and anxiety are the pack leaders, but stress can be implicated in the whole gambit of mental struggle.

But it can be hard to gauge the tipping point when we are all as Busy as F*ck, up to our necks with the demands of living. When were running ragged from day-to-night-to-day-again without the space to reflect on what matters to us, to build lives that we feel proud of and invested in.

This book is a roadmap through all that stressing and striving. Its about trading in your Busy as F*ck lifestyle for something more meaningful. Its about facing life with a slower heart rate, a thicker skin and a sparkle in your eye and being able to teach your kids the same things.

These are the steps you can take towards a calmer, more resilient life, based on clinical research and what has worked for my clients.

Think of it as do-it-yourself therapy in 10 sessions complete with tools and tactics to help you on your way. So are you ready? I can see your foot tapping and your fingers creeping towards your phone. Its time. Grab a seat on the couch and lets go.