Laura van Dernoot Lipsky - The Age of Overwhelm: Strategies for the Long Haul

THE AGE OF OVERWHELM

STRATEGIES FOR THE LONG HAUL

Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

The Age of Overwhelm

Copyright 2018 by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

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First Edition

Paperback print edition ISBN 978-1-5230-9473-8

PDF e-book ISBN 978-1-5230-9474-5

IDPF e-book ISBN 978-1-5230-9475-2

2018-1

Editor: Julie McCann

Production management: Michael Bass Associates

Additional proofreading: PeopleSpeak

Book design: Julie Gallagher

Cover design: Yuko Uchikawa

Cover production: Jonita Bernstein

Cover photo: Chris Jordan

For Mikaela and Aliyah

What do you do in times of despair?

Archbishop Desmond Tutu was asked.

You show your humanity.

M y eternal gratitude to Josh and our girls for our life together, for your unwavering patience, and for your steadfast humor throughout the writing of this book. To Jeevan Sivasubramaniam for never giving up on the vision for this coming to be and for your graciousness. I am eternally grateful to Julie McCann without whom this would have not been possible and whose writing and editing skills and life insights remained a saving grace throughout. Connie Burk provided a depth of critique and well of encouragement that informed the entire process and allowed this book to go places I could only go with her. Z, for his comforting presence.

My deep appreciation for all who contributed to the evolution of this effort with such generosity and warmth: Nate, Jay, Sarah, Buddy, Mary, Robin, Lonnie, Michael, Deborah, Kelsey, Tyler, ShaKiana, Dr. Goldman, Emmett, Abby, Nikki, Maria, Steven, Grace, Billie, Sadie, Evie, Sue, Karen, Lelan, Lili, Felix, Lily, Maddy, Wanjeri, Jonah, Maddie, Noor, Lori, Maya, Tony, Rene, Lia, Maya, Ella, Min, Kate, Xavier, Hannah, Zo, Jacob, Dina, Deb, Tripat, Michelle, Jake, Tom, Melissa, Cesar, Rob, Toby, Dr. Amy, the Lilly family, Sister Trai Nghiem, Allison, and Matthew. To Phil, Tim, Maggie, Ingrid, and Meg: Your feedback was critical and a true gift. My many thanks to Yuko, Jonita, and Chris for gracing me with the cover. Thank you to Vance, Deepa, Judge Berns, Dr. Graff, Faisal, and Franoise for your kind words. To Addison and Miriam: Thank you for your attention to detail. To The New Yorker cartoonists: I remain indebted to you. To Helena Brantley and the entire team at Berrett-Koehler: I so appreciate you creating this opportunity for me. Margarita and Samantha, I treasure your steady support for all this time.

To all those who have welcomed Trauma Stewardship into your lives throughout the years: Thank you, truly. And to each of my teachers and every person with whom I get to share this path... there are no words to express my abiding gratitude.

by Connie Burk

I took my first lesson from Laura van Dernoot Lipsky nearly twenty years ago when I suggested that a periodic free muffin might be a sufficient expression of organizational support to her as a domestic violence advocate in my employ. In the moments and years to follow, Laura has taught me volumes about what it takes to metabolize trauma and address the toll that caring for others can take on our lives.

Her work on trauma exposure and emotional labor has transformed the discussion about fostering personal and collective well-being as an essential means to social justice ends. There is no movement, no field, no sector that has not been touched by her research, insights, and exhortations. Every week, I hear from advocates in the movement to end domestic violence who have walked themselves back from the brink of mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional collapse by following the path that Laura laid out in Trauma Stewardship and the work of her Institute.

In my travels connected to my long collaboration with Laura and my own work in the movements to end domestic, sexual, and state violence, I often encounter the strong conviction that idealism and pragmatism are opposite ends of one adversarial continuum. If someone seeks to stand in solidarity with global struggles for justice, innovate a technology or way of understanding the world, or assert and work toward a vision of a repaired world, that person is fixed into the idealist end of the spectrum. On the other end, we lock in the people who are considered realistic, resource-focused, no-nonsense, get-it-done types. Some people dismiss the idealist crowd as head-in-the-clouds dreamers for whom the perfect is perpetually the enemy of the good. Some people dismiss the pragmatist set as stunted and self-serving, unable to see the forest for the trees. Whether valorized or castigated, the idea persists that these approaches are necessarily antagonistic to one anotheras if idealistic goals and pragmatic methods cannot exist in one person or one approach. For those of us who advance practical steps toward achieving idealistic goals, this faulty continuum is a constant pain in the ass.

Nowhere is the problem at the center of this false binary more evident than in how we think about the experience of overwhelm for ourselves and each other, as we endeavor to tackle personal or collective challenges or work to achieve our aspirations.

In this new conscientiously researched, beautifully written, hauntingly timely exhortation, Laura moves beyond trauma exposure to take on the generalized state of overwhelm engulfing so many people in our local and global communities.

The Age of Overwhelm is a signal beacon showing us how a practical accounting of our internal resources and a clear-eyed assessment of our ability to manage a sense of overwhelm are compatible with both aspirational goalsthose we have for ourselves, our families, our communities, and our worldand pragmatic methods. Indeed, her instructions and reminders demonstrate how we can and must commit to resolving this tension and coming back to a sustainable center in our lives.