Kayla Bauer - Life in L Plates Mental Wellness, One Day at a Time

Copyright Kayla Bauer, 2019

Published in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au

Published in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com

Published in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk

Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Design by Rhett Nacson

Typeset by Bookhouse, Sydney

Edited by Margie Tubbs

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice nor prescribe the use of any technique

as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for physical fitness and good health. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Paperback ISBN: 9781401958015
eBook ISBN: 9781401959470

For you.

In memory of the beloved Jess Ainscough.
x

I believe in something crazythat life is simply about learning. That we are all learning our way through, everyone is. Imagine walking around with L Plates physically on your forehead. Now imagine walking down a busy street and seeing everyone else walking around with them too. Thats exactly what life is like. Everyone, at some point on their journey, has their L Plates on.

You could be a farmer struggling with drought, a mum with a newborn, a student studying for an exam, a CEO whos never fired anyone before, a social worker protecting a vulnerable family, or a concreter pouring their first slab. No matter our race, religion, background, job, car, family or appearanceat some point we will all be putting on our L Plates and trying.

We all go through difficult periods in life or funks as I like to call them. Each and every person is tested and challenged. We face struggles, choices and events in our lives which can, without our consent, quickly turn into a seemingly endless period of funk. When that happens, remember that we all go through these funky periods. Everyone does. Youre not alone. We all have bad days and bad months, which can sometimes turn into bad years. But a bad year doesnt mean a bad life.

It will change. It will get better. In the meantime, put on those L Plates and try. And when you do, know that behind closed doors everyone is doing the same thing, including me.

I havent lived long, Im only 23. Ive never been to Europe, the car I drive is full of dents and my bank balance sits frighteningly close to empty. My short life seems painfully typical and even though I am no expert (on anything really), there is one thing Im certain of: my entire life changed when I fell into a funk. It came without warning and crippled me for a few years, but slowly it became my greatest motivator for change. It was, in short, the best thing that could have happened.

As I lie here in the middle of my bed on a warm summers day, my mind is mulling over this storymy story. I know I want to share it, yet Im not sure where to begin. It started so long ago and only now feels as if Im turning the corner. I feel the happiest Ive been in years; Im in a mental place I only ever dreamt of achieving and living the life I dreamt of living.

Years ago I was living a very different life. Its taken me 794 days to write this794 days since I found myself crying hysterically on the bedroom floor, wrapped in my boyfriends clothes. Paralysed and recovering from what seemed like the hundredth time of overdosing and blacking out, in the desperate hope he would find me and realise he cared. Sometimes I would overdose while fantasising about ending up in hospital, where I could feel safe and welcome. Where nurses would greet me with a smile, where my family would come and tell me they loved me, where people would ask if I was okay and treat me the way I felt... sick.

My sickness was invisible. People couldnt see it, yet I couldnt escape it. How do you tell someone youre sick, when your body still works? How can you tell your boss that you cant go to work, when you seem fine physically? How do you explain that its your mind thats not working; that you cant make decisions, control emotions or process anything? How do you say it is inside your head thats broken?

Its more than two years since that time, since Ive been able to relive my past, go back to those memories and face what happened. Since then, Ive used this book as a type of shovel, to dig through the crap that was my life. To sort the good from the bad, to scrape away what didnt need to be there and try to make sense of what remained. To clear out my mind and sort through my memory. To rewind and replay. To digest what happened. To believe in something better, something crazy: to believe that life is simply about learning.

At times, this book became my motivation for living. It gave me a goal, a future. A way to get through each day and work towards something. At other times, I used it as a safe placesomewhere I could come back to when life became overwhelming. A place that was honest, real, unfiltered. But mostly, this book gave me a chance. A chance to understand then share my story, in the hope that it might help others to feel hope instead of hopelessness, and move on instead of feeling stuck.

Its not easy to openly discuss your failures and vulnerabilities. To present yourself as damaged goods. But as I write these pages, Im thinking of the millions of others who have endured or are enduring the worst of lifes battles. According to the World Health Organisation, around 450 million people currently suffer from a mental disorder. Many of these are funks such as bipolar, depression and anxietyfunks which I will be talking about in this book. Im thinking about all those millions who are struggling through funks and experiencing a similar hopelessness to what engulfed me for so long. All those who are desperate for change. I think of you, reading this, and hope youre okay. I hope you know its okay to just be a learner, to just be trying.

You know, Ive never done this before. Ive never written a book. In fact, Im not even sure I know how to write a book. There wasnt any defining moment, no glorious realisation or light-bulb spark, no divine intervention or path-altering conversation when someone said to me, Youre going to be a writer, youre going to write a book... you can do this!

Most of the time, I have no damn idea what Im doing. But Im trying. Im giving it a shot. Today, I chose to try.

Im like you. Today, you woke up. You might have got out of bed, maybe you brushed your hair or had a shower (but I wouldnt judge you if you didnt); maybe you ate breakfast and went to school or work. Maybe youre at the airport about to embark on the biggest adventure of your life, or youve just spent the last six hours trying to find a job. Maybe youre the greatest CEO in the country, nursing a new baby, or going through a divorce. Maybe youre all of the above.

I dont know. But what I do know is that today, at some point, you chose to try. You picked up this book. You saw the title, opened the first page and started reading. Today, you decided to give it a shot.