Saint Augustine. - The Confessions of St. Augustine

1921 Chatto & Windus edition.

AD 401

THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT AUGUSTINE

Translated by Edward Bouverie Pusey

Great art Thou, O Lord, and greatly to be praised; great is Thypower, and Thy wisdom infinite. And Thee would man praise; man, buta particle of Thy creation; man, that bears about him his mortality,the witness of his sin, the witness that Thou resistest the proud: yetwould man praise Thee; he, but a particle of Thy creation. Thouawakest us to delight in Thy praise; for Thou madest us for Thyself,and our heart is restless, until it repose in Thee. Grant me, Lord, toknow and understand which is first, to call on Thee or to praise Thee?and, again, to know Thee or to call on Thee? for who can call on Thee,not knowing Thee? for he that knoweth Thee not, may call on Thee asother than Thou art. Or, is it rather, that we call on Thee that wemay know Thee? but how shall they call on Him in whom they have notbelieved? or how shall they believe without a preacher? and theythat seek the Lord shall praise Him: for they that seek shall findHim, and they that find shall praise Him. I will seek Thee, Lord, bycalling on Thee; and will call on Thee, believing in Thee; for to ushast Thou been preached. My faith, Lord, shall call on Thee, whichThou hast given me, wherewith Thou hast inspired me, through theIncarnation of Thy Son, through the ministry of the Preacher.

And how shall I call upon my God, my God and Lord, since, when Icall for Him, I shall be calling Him to myself? and what room is therewithin me, whither my God can come into me? whither can God comeinto me, God who made heaven and earth? is there, indeed, O Lord myGod, aught in me that can contain Thee? do then heaven and earth,which Thou hast made, and wherein Thou hast made me, contain Thee? or,because nothing which exists could exist without Thee, doththerefore whatever exists contain Thee? Since, then, I too exist,why do I seek that Thou shouldest enter into me, who were not, wertThou not in me? Why? because I am not gone down in hell, and yetThou art there also. For if I go down into hell, Thou art there. Icould not be then, O my God, could not be at all, wert Thou not in me;or, rather, unless I were in Thee, of whom are all things, by whom areall things, in whom are all things? Even so, Lord, even so. Whither doI call Thee, since I am in Thee? or whence canst Thou enter into me?for whither can I go beyond heaven and earth, that thence my Godshould come into me, who hath said, I fill the heaven and the earth.

Do the heaven and earth then contain Thee, since Thou fillestthem? or dost Thou fill them and yet overflow, since they do notcontain Thee? And whither, when the heaven and the earth are filled,pourest Thou forth the remainder of Thyself? or hast Thou no need thataught contain Thee, who containest all things, since what Thou fillestThou fillest by containing it? for the vessels which Thou fillestuphold Thee not, since, though they were broken, Thou wert notpoured out. And when Thou art poured out on us, Thou art not castdown, but Thou upliftest us; Thou art not dissipated, but Thougatherest us. But Thou who fillest all things, fillest Thou themwith Thy whole self? or, since all things cannot contain Theewholly, do they contain part of Thee? and all at once the same part?or each its own part, the greater more, the smaller less? And is, thenone part of Thee greater, another less? or, art Thou wholly everywhere, while nothing contains Thee wholly?

What art Thou then, my God? what, but the Lord God? For who isLord but the Lord? or who is God save our God? Most highest, mostgood, most potent, most omnipotent; most merciful, yet most just; mosthidden, yet most present; most beautiful, yet most strong, stable, yetincomprehensible; unchangeable, yet all-changing; never new, neverold; all-renewing, and bringing age upon the proud, and they know itnot; ever working, ever at rest; still gathering, yet nothing lacking;supporting, filling, and overspreading; creating, nourishing, andmaturing; seeking, yet having all things. Thou lovest, withoutpassion; art jealous, without anxiety; repentest, yet grievest not;art angry, yet serene; changest Thy works, Thy purpose unchanged;receivest again what Thou findest, yet didst never lose; never inneed, yet rejoicing in gains; never covetous, yet exacting usury. Thoureceivest over and above, that Thou mayest owe; and who hath aughtthat is not Thine? Thou payest debts, owing nothing; remittestdebts, losing nothing. And what had I now said, my God, my life, myholy joy? or what saith any man when he speaks of Thee? Yet woe to himthat speaketh not, since mute are even the most eloquent.

Oh! that I might repose on Thee! Oh! that Thou wouldest enter intomy heart, and inebriate it, that I may forget my ills, and embraceThee, my sole good! What art Thou to me? In Thy pity, teach me toutter it. Or what am I to Thee that Thou demandest my love, and, ifI give it not, art wroth with me, and threatenest me with grievouswoes? Is it then a slight woe to love Thee not? Oh! for Thy mercies'sake, tell me, O Lord my God, what Thou art unto me. Say unto my soul,I am thy salvation. So speak, that I may hear. Behold, Lord, myheart is before Thee; open Thou the ears thereof, and say unto mysoul, I am thy salvation. After this voice let me haste, and take holdon Thee. Hide not Thy face from me. Let me die- lest I die- only letme see Thy face.

Narrow is the mansion of my soul; enlarge Thou it, that Thoumayest enter in. It is ruinous; repair Thou it. It has that withinwhich must offend Thine eyes; I confess and know it. But who shallcleanse it? or to whom should I cry, save Thee? Lord, cleanse mefrom my secret faults, and spare Thy servant from the power of theenemy. I believe, and therefore do I speak. Lord, Thou knowest. Have Inot confessed against myself my transgressions unto Thee, and Thou, myGod, hast forgiven the iniquity of my heart? I contend not in judgmentwith Thee, who art the truth; I fear to deceive myself; lest mineiniquity lie unto itself. Therefore I contend not in judgment withThee; for if Thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, whoshall abide it?

Yet suffer me to speak unto Thy mercy, me, dust and ashes. Yetsuffer me to speak, since I speak to Thy mercy, and not to scornfulman. Thou too, perhaps, despisest me, yet wilt Thou return and havecompassion upon me. For what would I say, O Lord my God, but that Iknow not whence I came into this dying life (shall I call it?) orliving death. Then immediately did the comforts of Thy compassion takeme up, as I heard (for I remember it not) from the parents of myflesh, out of whose substance Thou didst sometime fashion me. Thusthere received me the comforts of woman's milk. For neither mymother nor my nurses stored their own breasts for me; but Thou didstbestow the food of my infancy through them, according to Thineordinance, whereby Thou distributest Thy riches through the hiddensprings of all things. Thou also gavest me to desire no more than Thougavest; and to my nurses willingly to give me what Thou gavest them.For they, with a heaven-taught affection, willingly gave me whatthey abounded with from Thee. For this my good from them, was good forthem. Nor, indeed, from them was it, but through them; for fromThee, O God, are all good things, and from my God is all my health.This I since learned, Thou, through these Thy gifts, within me andwithout, proclaiming Thyself unto me. For then I knew but to suck;to repose in what pleased, and cry at what offended my flesh;nothing more.