Babylon Bee - The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy

The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy

How to Flawlessly Rig Elections, Bribe Any Politican, and Crush Your Political Enemies for Good

Suddenly theres a national debate over what democracy means. For me, its easy. I just go with The Babylon Bees definition.

Tucker Carlson, host of Tucker Carlson Tonight

The Babylon Bees biting satire hits too close to home for the powers that be. In fact, that The Bees satirical reports frequently happen in real life is testament that our times are strange. The Bee is on target.

Ron DeSantis, Florida governor

Not purchasing this book would be a dangerous threat to our constitutional norms, a literal insurrection, a coup attempt so violent that we would need to suspend all the usual legal procedures to prosecute it to the full extent of the law. Plus, its hilarious.

Spencer Klavan, host of the Young Heretics podcast, associate editor at the Claremont Institute

The Babylon Bee is one of the most impressive satirical enterprises of the digital age. It is hilarious, insightful, and annoys all the right people. Long may it thrive.

Andrew Doyle, columnist and author of Free Speech and Why It Matters, Titania McGraths alternate ego

There is a reason for The Babylon Bee being targeted for destruction by Big Tech: They are the undisputed masters of political satire today. They have a unique skill for proving how absurd politics have become, and that is exactly why you must read this book.

Sebastian Gorka, author, former deputy assistant to President Trump, host of America First

Everything happening in our world today seems genuinely beyond parody. Unless you happen to be one of the geniuses at The Babylon Bee, who actually make it seem effortless, and for whose brilliant work I sincerely thank God.

Eric Metaxas, author of Fish Out of Water: A Search for the Meaning of Life and Letter to the American Church

The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy is the most accurate representation of American government ever written, is probably Heavens favorite book on government, and should be forcibly taught in schools. All of my pillows are MyPillows, so Im not sure how much I can be trusted.

Dana Loesch, nationally syndicated radio host and bestselling author

The central problem with democracy is that those who need leaders are qualified to choose them. One answer to that problem is The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy.

Michael Malice, author, columnist, extremely failed host of the Your Welcome podcast

The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy is an hilarious and depressingly accurate treatise on American governmentand a good reminder that if voting could really change anything it would be illegal.

Mollie Hemingway, editor-in-chief of The Federalist, author of Rigged

The fact that a group of born-again Christian comedy writers, who dont curse and refrain from jokes that are sexual in nature, would be banned from Twitter tells you how far the Loony Left has gone. But it also shows how this very astute, brilliant, and respectful Team Jesus has effectively poked the eye of the Liberal Giant and exposed its hypocrisies, lies, and most importantly its blithering idiocy. The other fact is they are so goshdarn funny, they appeal to everyone, believer or non-believer alike.

Rob Schneider, actor, comedian, screenwriter

Never before have I dared venture beyond the well-trod path to look upon the deep old things of political science and its histories. I would laugh, if laughter were such a thing I could yet still do, having been changed by the truths within.

Kevin Sorbo, actor, director, producer

Some things are so bad, you have to laugh or youll cry. Its like American democracyonce a shining city on a hill, its now a punchline. The Babylon Bee indispensably laughs at the absurd, while also providing some good explanations for the state of American democracy. Bring on the Galactic Republic!

Erick Erickson, blogger and host of the Erick Erickson Show

This is the best guide to running a fortified democracy Ive ever read. Id be shocked if it gets fewer than eighty-TWO million votes in the newest most secure election in human history. This is why the famously satirical Babylon Bee is easily the most trusted source of next months actual news in America today.

James Lindsay, author, your-mom-joke expert, NewDiscourses.com

The Babylon Bee is consistently hilarious. Due to the current state of the world, I cannot 100 percent confirm whether or not their Guide to Democracy can accurately be considered satirebut it will teach you everything you need to know to survive in these trying times.

Zuby, rapper, author, once a female weightlifting champion

Copyright 2022 by The Babylon Bee

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, website, or broadcast.

Salem Books is a trademark of Salem Communications Holding Corporation.

Regnery is a registered trademark and its colophon is a trademark of Salem Communications Holding Corporation.

Cataloging-in-Publication data on file with the Library of Congress

ISBN: 978-1-68451-372-7

eISBN: 978-1-68451-373-4

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022941116

Published in the United States by

Salem Books

An Imprint of Regnery Publishing

A Division of Salem Media Group

Washington, D.C.

www.SalemBooks.com

Books are available in quantity for promotional or premium use. For information on discounts and terms, please visit our website: www.SalemBooks.com.

Cover design by The Babylon Bee

This book is dedicated to the one true president, Donald J. Trump, long may he reign.

Democracy is lit, yo.

President Donald J. Trump

T he most dangerous threat to a society is an uninformed populace. Thats why its great that youve picked up this book. Youre about to leave the cave of ignorance and emerge into the great, glorious light of being an informed member of Western civilization. We googled literally dozens and dozens of things about the government and scoured Wikipedia for information so we could bring you only the most accurate facts about democracy, elections, America, and more.

Youll learn about why elections are free and fair and completely immune from rigging or manipulation by outside governments or even more un-American entities like Big Tech companies. Youll learn why your vote matters and how every election is the most important election in the history of the universe.