Babylon Bee - The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness

The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness

How to Take Your Wokeness to the Next Level by Canceling Friends, Breaking Windows, and Burning It All to the Ground

The Babylon Bee is the funniest site on social media next to my stuff, and this book hits wokeness with a truthful comedy sledgehammer right between its pronouns. Wokeness is so outrageously ridiculous that The Bee actually gets fact-checked because the woke are literally a parody of they/themselves. This book is flat-out hilarious and sadly true. But enough about The Beecheck my site for tour dates.

Larry the Cable Guy, comedian, actor, and recording artist

If youre looking for a careful academic analysis of the philosophical underpinnings of the First Amendment, this book is not for you. But if youre looking to laugh your ass off while The Bee slays the Lefts sacred cows, look no further! Satire always beats idiocy, and this book annihilates the woke shibboleths of the modern age.

Ted Cruz, United States senator from Texas

Many books are chosen, but few are called amazing. If youre estrogen-challenged, then read The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness and a man-bun will sprout from your head. Its like The Bell Jar in that its funnier than The Onion.

Doug TenNapel, bitter YouTuber and creator of Earthworm Jim

The Babylon Bee is by far the funniest outlet in America. And their new book is the funniest new book in America. Which isnt saying a lot, since theyre in competition with people like Stephen Colbert.

Ben Shapiro, political commentator, author, and cofounder of The Daily Wire

When you consider our culture today, you either have to laugh uproariously or repeatedly smack yourself in the forehead with a hatchet. This book will make you laugh uproariously and costs about the same as a decent hatchet. So your call.

Andrew Klavan, bestselling novelist and host of The Andrew Klavan Show

At times the woke crowd does and says things that make me think, Surely this is satire. Unfortunately, it isnt. The woke/anti-racist movement has now gone so far that satirizing it has become difficult. Thankfully, The Babylon Bee is so adept at satire that it is able to pull it off even in this treacherous territory. With mockery that rivals that of Elijah before the prophets of Baal, this book takes on the pernicious ideology eating away at the core of all we hold dear and exposes its most ridiculous tenets, all while reminding the reader that sometimes we just need to laugheven if its only to keep from crying.

Voddie Baucham Jr., dean of the School of Divinity at African Christian University in Lusaka, Zambia, and author of the bestseller Fault Lines

This is the satirical skewering of wokeness the world needs. The cultural commentary is razor-precise, unrelentingly funny, and air-clearing. In the spirit of Luther, Lewis, and other eminently cancellable cisgender patriarchalist oppressors whose names we shall soon biomechanically erase from our minds, The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness tells the truth and mocks the devil.

Dr. Owen Strachan, provost of Grace Bible Theological Seminary and author of Christianity and Wokeness

Until I read The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness, I had no sympathy for headless treesexual elves who ride unicycles. But I woke up to their existence and realize both my privilege and how utterly insane wokeness is. Five stars, mostly because of the pictures.

Erick Erickson, blogger and host of Atlantas Evening News with Erick Erickson

I am a gay man, and therefore, as you will learn from reading this book, you have to do what I say. Plus its hilarious and youll love it. Buy it and read it, bigot!

Spencer Klavan, host of the Young Heretics podcast

The Babylon Bee is more savage than I am, and Kyle Mann has effortlessly trolled me on Twitter like no one else. I heartily endorse this bookespecially the part about burning it all to the ground.

Michae l Mali ce, author, columnist, and host of the YOUR WELCOME podcast

Finally, a book that can make us all exactly the same! How great will it be when no one has a different opinion?! Read this book so you too can peacefully burn down entire city blocks, shout the fascists down so they can no longer speak, show your whitey, honky, Jethro-sister-marrying redneck how offensive they can be when they name-call and stereotype racists. The Babylon Bee has finally written a humor book making fun of those who are humorless. Hilarious on so many levels.

Glenn Beck, founder of TheBlaze.com, bestselling author, and nationally syndicated radio host

Laughter is the best medicine in our current toxic world, and The Babylon Bee is always good for fun. I love the lampoons they do of me. Their work reminds us all not to take ourselves so freaking seriously.

Dave Ramsey, bestselling author and radio host

Copyright 2021 by The Babylon Bee

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, website, or broadcast.

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Cataloging-in-Publication data on file with the Library of Congress

ISBN: 978-1-68451-271-3

eISBN: 978-1-68451-272-0

Published in the United States by

Salem Books

An Imprint of Regnery Publishing

A Division of Salem Media Group

Washington, D.C.

www.SalemBooks.com

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Cover design by Ethan Nicolle

This book is dedicated to Joseph Stalin, a woke hero and champion of the oppressed proletariat.

Get woke or get a 7.62 round to the face lol.

Joe

G reetings, comrade! Youve picked up this book because you want to be woke. And we at The Babylon Bee are the enlightened sages of this great new religion of wokeness. Were ready to guide you on the path to enlightenmentif youre ready to join us on this journey.

What is being woke, anyway, you might ask? Woke is a term you hear thrown around all the time, usually by backward Republicans who are trying to make fun of people like us who care about social justice.

Being woke means waking up to the cause . What cause? Every far-left, radical, communist, Marxist cause we can think of. The entire agenda of the Left.