Ralph Bergengren - How to Be the Perfect Gentleman

Somewhere in the back of every man's mind there dwells a strange wistfuldesire to be thought a Perfect Gentleman. And this is much to hiscredit, for the Perfect Gentleman, as thus wistfully contemplated, is ahigh ideal of human behavior, although, in the narrower but honestadmiration of many, he is also a Perfect Ass. Thus, indeed, he comesdown the centuriesa sort of Siamese Twins, each miraculously visibleonly to its own admirers; a worthy personage proceeding at one end ofthe connecting cartilage, and a popinjay prancing at the other. Emersonwas, and described, one twin when he wrote, 'The gentleman is a man oftruth, lord of his own actions, and expressing that lordship in hisbehavior; not in any manner dependent or servile, either on persons, oropinions, or possessions.' Walter Pater, had Leonardo painted a PerfectGentleman's portrait instead of a Perfect Lady's, might have describedthe other: 'The presence that thus rose so strangely beside thetea-table is expressive of what in the ways of a thousand years womenhad come to desire. His is the head upon which "all the ends of theworld have come," and the eyelids are a little weary. He is older thanthe tea things among which he sits.' Many have admired, but few havetried to imitate, the Perfect Gentleman of Emerson's definition; yet fewthere are who have not felt the wistful desire for resemblance. But theother is more objective: his clothes, his manners, and his habits areeasy to imitate.

Of this Perfect Gentleman in the eighteenth century I recentlydiscovered fossil remains in the Gentleman's Pocket Library (Bostonand Philadelphia, 1794), from which any literary savant may restore theoriginal. All in one volume, the Library is a compilation for PerfectGentlemen in the shell, especially helpful with its chapter on the'Principles of Politeness'; and many an honest but foolish youth wentabout, I dare say, with this treasure distending his pocket, bravelyhoping to become a Perfect Gentleman by sheer diligence of spare-timestudy. If by chance this earnest student met an acquaintance who hadrecently become engaged, he would remember the 'distinguishing dictionthat marks the man of fashion,' and would 'advance with warmth andcheerfulness, and perhaps squeezing him by the hand' (oh, horror!)'would say, "Believe me, my dear sir, I have scarce words to express thejoy I feel, upon your happy alliance with such and such a family,etc."' Of which distinguishing diction, 'believe me' is now all thatis left.

If, however, he knew that the approaching victim had been latelybereaved, he would 'advance slower, and with a peculiar composure ofvoice and countenance, begin his compliments of condolence with, "Ihope, sir, you will do me the justice to be persuaded, that I am notinsensible to your unhappiness, that I take part in your distress, andshall ever be affected when you are so."'

In lighter mood this still imperfect Perfect Gentleman would never allowhimself to laugh, knowing, on the word of his constant pocket-companion,that laughter is the 'sure sign of a weak mind, and the manner in whichlow-bred men express their silly joy, at silly things, and they call itbeing merry.' Better always, if necessary, the peculiar composure ofpolite sensibility to the suffering of properly introducedacquaintances. When he went out, he would be careful to 'walk well, wearhis hat well, move his head properly, and his arms gracefully'; and Ifor one sympathize with the low-breds if they found him a merryspectacle; when he went in, he would remember pertinently that 'awell-bred man is known by his manner of sitting.' 'Easy in everyposition,' say the Principles of Politeness, 'instead of lolling orlounging as he sits, he leans with elegance, and by varying hisattitudes, shows that he has been used to good company.' Good company,one judges, must have inclined to be rather acrobatic.

Now, in the seventeen-nineties there were doubtless purchasers for theGentleman's Pocket Library: the desire to become a Perfect Gentleman(like this one) by home study evidently existed. But, although I amprobably the only person who has read that instructive book for a verylong time, it remains to-day the latest complete work which any youngman wishing to become a Perfect Gentleman can find to study. Is itpossible, I ask myself, that none but burglars any longer entertainthis ambition? I can hardly believe it. Yet the fact stands out that,in an age truly remarkable for its opportunities for self-improvement,there is nothing later than 1794 to which I can commend a crude butdetermined inquirer. To my profound astonishment I find that theCorrespondence-School system offers no course; to my despair I searchthe magazines for graphic illustration of an Obvious Society Leaderconfiding to an Obvious Scrubwoman: 'Six months ago my husband was nomore a Perfect Gentleman than yours, but one day I persuaded him tomark that coupon, and all our social prominence and clat we owe tothat school.'

One may say, indeed, that here is something which cannot conceivably bedescribed as a job; but all the more does it seem, logically, that thecorrespondence schools must be daily creating candidates for whatnaturally would be a post-graduate course. One would imagine that a mereannouncement would be sufficient, and that from all the financial andindustrial centres of the country students would come flocking back tocollege in the next mail.

BE A PERFECT GENTLEMAN

In the Bankat the Board of Directorsputting through that New Railroad in Alaskawherever you are and whatever you are doing to drag down the Big Moneywouldn't you feel more at ease if you knew you were behaving like a Perfect Gentleman?

We will teach YOU how.

Some fifty odd years ago Mr. George H. Calvert (whom I am pained to findrecorded in the Dictionary of American Authors as one who 'published agreat number of volumes of verse that was never mistaken for poetry byany reader') wrote a small book about gentlemen, fortunately in proseand not meant for beginners, in which he cited Bayard, Sir PhilipSidney, Charles Lamb, Brutus, St. Paul, and Socrates as notableexamples. Perfect Gentlemen all, as Emerson would agree, I question ifany of them ever gave a moment's thought to his manner of sitting; yetany two, sitting together, would have recognized each other as PerfectGentlemen at once and thought no more about it.

These are the standard, true to Emerson's definition; and yet suchshining examples need not discourage the rest of us. The qualities thatmade them gentlemen are not necessarily the qualities that made themfamous. One need not be as polished as Sidney, but one must not scratch.One need not have a mind like Socrates: a gentleman may be reasonablyperfect,and surely this is not asking too much,with mind enough tofollow this essay. Brutus gained nothing as a gentleman by assisting atthe assassination of Csar (who was no more a gentleman, by the way, inMr. Calvert's opinion, than was Mr. Calvert a poet in that of the