Steven Adler - My Appetite for Destruction: Sex, and Drugs, and Guns N Roses

To my grandmother Big Lilly,
my grandfather Stormin Norman,
and to my beloved wife, Carolina, whose
love and support made this book possible.

To the millions of faithful Guns N Roses
fans all over the world,
I thank you for your eternal devotion.

Special thanks to:
the Adler family,
the Ferreira family,
the Hudson family,
the Canter family,
Steve Sprite,
Dr. Drew Pinsky,
Dr. Charles Sophy,
Bob Forrest,
Ronald Ronnie My Boy Schneider,
Chris Green,
Robert Espinoza,
James Vanderweilen, and
Brad Server.

And lastly to my dogs
Shadow, Midnight, and Chichi.
Their unconditional love saw me through.

O h my God, this is the highest Ive ever been in my life. I can barely hold on. Sweat is pouring out of me, my eyes sting like hell, and my gut is jumping. Im completely soaked, my arms and legs flail, my head shakes, and my heart is thumping out of my chest. I am flying, and I love it. I desperately want this feeling to go on forever. Im Steven Adler, the drummer for Guns N Roses, and tonight we opened for the Rolling Stones. Its October 18, 1989, and after a brutal but amazing journey, this should be the happiest moment in my life. But as we explode into our last song, Paradise City, Im already terrified of leaving the stage and losing this incredible buzz. Just like the pre-high addicts get right after they score but before they use, Im experiencing a devastating pre-crash and I fucking hate it. If only I could find some way to maintain this intense natural high, I would never need drugs, never want drugs again.

Guns N Roses gets a standing ovation, but as the Stones take the stage with Start Me Up, Im already alone, tucked away in my trailer on the backstage lot with the door locked tight. Why? Because Im the undisputed all-time booze-chugging, pill-gobbling, drug-shooting, Katrina-caliber fuckup. Throughout my wretched life there isnt a friend, family member, or fantastic opportunity that I havent shoved into a blender and mutilated.

But people love train wrecks. They just cant look away from the ODs, lawsuits, prison terms, rehabs, reality shows, meltdowns, and more ODs. So before one or all of the above happens again, I want to set the record straight. And Im finally sober enough and angry enough to do it right.

COMING CLEAN

W hile part of this comes from a deep desire to come clean with my family, friends, and fans, another part is fueled by an inner rage to represent. From Chuck Berry to Janis Joplin, from Hendrix to Cobain, many beloved, gifted musicians have had a lot of totally false, negative crap written about them. It turned them into bitter, reclusive artists and may have pushed some into an early grave. But I dont need the media to bury me; Ill do that on my own.

The bastards who write the lies about us do it because they think rock fans are gossip-starved, tabloid-trained morons who will swallow anything. They figure the more bullshit they pile up, the more fans will be eager to roll around in it. And theyre always sure they can get away with the most outrageous lies because they know if we hire a bunch of lawyers to go after them, theyll just get more free publicity and rake in more cash. Youve got to admire Carol Burnett, Kate Hudson, and others who brought suit, hung in there, and won judgments against these bloodsuckers.

The truth is Im healthier and happier than Ive been in twenty years and I refuse to be destroyed by all the negative news about Steven Adler. Ive made it way too easy for these jerks to write me off as just another has-been junkie asshole.

And hey, I admit it. I am a has-been junkie asshole. But theres a lot more to this drummer boy. With the help of Dr. Drew, and a lot of other dedicated professionals, Ive begun to live again and love my family, friends, and music again. I know Ive let them down, but thats not going to stop me from trying to get back up and make things right.

MY GNR BROTHERS

A xl, Duff, Izzy, and Slash, I pray youll respect my desire to go on the record and tell everyone what actually happened. My goal here is to dig deep and, to the best of my knowledge, tell the whole truth and nothing but.

Now, thats not to say those guys dont recall different things, or things differently. But when it comes to writing about my life as a rock musician, Axl, Duff, Izzy, and Slash will be the first to tell you that Ive been my own worst enemy. And Ill be the first to agree. This isnt about laying blame, its about accepting it. And in spite of all the fuckups Ive had, the love is still there. A lot of it . I still love every one of those guys, and I hope they know it.

One of the things Slash writes in the closing pages of his memoir Slash is that hes truly happy that Steven Adler is doing better. I got very emotional when I read that. Slash and I have been through so much. Since we were thirteen! The fact is Slash has had a lot to do with my seeking help and letting the light back in my life. Thanks, Slash!

There is still so much affection there, so much shared pain and joy. You cant ever take that away. Not from me and Slash. And not from me and Duff, Izzy, or Axl. The only way to make these pages matter to me and you and everyone who has loved or hated me over the past forty years is to make the whole truth the price of admissionand Adlers admitting everything.

Now its a mighty long way down rock n roll

As your name gets hot, your heart grows cold...

ALL THE WAY FROM MEMPHIS, MOTT THE HOOPLE

T hose lyrics are from Ian Hunter, lead vocalist for one of my favorite bands, Mott the Hoople. And it kind of sums up what we went through with GNR. The bigger we got the more stuck-up and out of touch we became. Hunter also wrote one of the greatest books ever about life on the road, called Diary of a Rock n Roll Star. It takes all the shine off the glamorous rock star image and puts it in its proper unfiltered light. It is a frank, many times joyless account of what rock n roll is like from the inside looking out.

Hunter was determined to get it all down in his personal account of Motts five-week American tour in November and December of 1972. It should be required reading for all kids before they start smoking cigs, skipping school, and jamming in garages. Hunter talks about Motts equipment getting stolen, concerts being canceled, and fans being abusive. Believe me, fifteen years later, when GNR toured the world for eighteen months straight, not much had changed.

Ian leaves nothing out because he knows thats the only way to offer the story. If youre going to tell it, tell it all. I want to thank Ian, Mick, Overend, Phally, and Buffin for inspiring me to give my readers the truest, most unflinching account of rock n roll since Ian penned his masterpiece. If I can get close to the honesty and guts on those pages, then this will be a great book. And I will owe it all to you guys. You are and forever will be the Dudes, the original lineup, the first and the best.

SORTING OUT THE MESS

G reat rock music, whether its Mott or Mtley, has helped me crawl out of a hole where Ive been living a permanent nightmare. For two decades Ive been haunted by a shady, drug-addled past that sucks any desire to face life right out of me. But in the past year, leading right up to November 2009, when I performed with Slash, Duff, and David Navarro in a sold-out show at the Palace in L.A., the musics inspired me more than ever. Its lifted my spirits and made me want to live again so I can create music with my band, Adlers Appetite. I want to get back together with the faithful companion that never betrayed me, my drums.

Now, understand that many of the interviews I granted during and after Guns N Roses are a lot of garbage. I tended to treat them like a game, varying what I said to dick around with whoever was interviewing me and drinking heavily before and during them, because a lot of interviews were tedious and repetitive.