Gandee Vasan - Cat Capers: Catitude for Cat Lovers

For my son, Misha

One should not send a cat to deliver cream.

YIDDISH PROVERB

Cats sleep
Anywhere, Any table,
Any chair, Top of piano,
Window-ledge, In the middle,
On the edge, Open drawer,
Empty shoe,
Anybodys lap will do,
Fitting in a cardboard box,
In the cupboard,
With the frocksanywhere!
They dont care!
Cats sleep anywhere.

ELEANOR FARJEON

Free to good home

6-month-old kitten: tabby, good with kids, very affectionate, playful and friendly

OR

handsome 30-year-old husband: personable with good job, but doesnt like cats. Says either the cat goes or he goes.

Inquiries to:
555-1212

Set the cat among the pigeons.

BRITISH SAYING

POLITICALLY CORRECT CAT DEFINITION
No.

The cat is not fat; he is mass enhanced.

POLITICALLY CORRECT CAT DEFINITION
No.

The cat is not lazy; he is motivationally challenged.

POLITICALLY CORRECT CAT DEFINITION
No.

The cat is not evil; she is badness enhanced.

POLITICALLY CORRECT CAT DEFINITION
No.

The cat is not underfoot; she is shepherding me to the next destination,the food dish.

Its not a cat. Its
A small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
A wildlife-control-expert impersonator.
A four-footed allergen.
A treat-seeking missile.

ANON

The Cats and the Birds

Hearing that the birds in an aviary were ill, a cat went to them and said that he was a physician, and would cure them if they would let him in.

To what school of medicine do you belong? asked the birds.

I am a Miaulopathist, said the cat.

Did you ever practice Gohomoeopathy? the birds inquired, winking faintly. The cat took the hint and his leave.

BASED ON A FABLE BY AESOP

My cat and I have an agreement: I leave her alone and dont make sudden moves when I wake up to find her perched on my chest, staring with an unblinking hostile gaze at my face, and in return she rarely mutilates me.

JAMES NICOLL

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

ANON

The kitten has a luxurious, Bohemian, unpuritanical nature. It eats six meals a day, plays furiously with a toy mouse and a piece of rope, and suddenly falls into a deep sleep whenever the fit takes it. It never feels the necessity to do anything to justify its existence; it does not want to be a good citizen; it has never heard of service. It knows that it is beautiful and delightful, and it considers that a sufficient contribution to the general good. And in return for its beauty and charm it expects fish, meat, and vegetables, a comfortable bed, a chair by the grate fire, and endless petting.

ROBERTSON DAVIES

The black cat yawns,
Opens her jaws,
Stretches her legs,
And shows her claws.

Then she gets up,
And stands on four
Long stiff legs
And yawns some more.

She shows her sharp teeth,
She stretches her lip,
Her slice of a tongue
Turns up at the tip.

Lifting herself
On her delicate toes,
She arches her back
As high as it goes.

She lets herself down
With particular care,
And pads away
With her tail in the air.

MARY BRITTON MILLER