Jonathan S. Kaplan - Urban Mindfulness: Cultivating Peace, Presence and Purpose in the Middle of it All

In life, we spend a lot of time just waiting. In the morning, we might wait for our toast to cook or tea to brew. In the afternoon, we might wait for some photocopies to print. In the evening, we might wait for a bus or taxi. Sometimes the wait can be longer than the duration of the event were waiting to participate in. For example, it might take fifteen minutes of standing in line at the store in order to complete a speedy checkout. Often, we get impatient. We try to distract ourselves while waiting, or anxiously ruminate about why it takes so long, but in doing so, we essentially reject whatevers happening in the present moment. We become less aware of our surroundings, make more judgments about the unacceptability of whats happening, and strive to have something else, other than what is. We react negatively to the fact that things arent as we want them to be. And, indeed, were correct: the toast isnt fully cooked, the copier isnt finished printing, and the bus is nowhere to be seen.

Waiting, of course, can happen anytime, anywhere, and for any duration. To a certain degree, its relative. You might be waiting for your daughter to hurry up and go to college even though she just started high school. Or you might feel anxious while waiting for your food to arrive, because you feel starved. The essential issue is how we approach these waiting periods, in terms of both our actions and our attitudes.

Typically, when were waiting, we find ways to distract ourselves by reading a book, checking e-mail, or listening to music, instead of simply allowing ourselves to be. Indeed, waiting rooms usually provide some entertainment for distraction, like magazines or a TV, presumably to take our minds off the fact that the office is behind schedule. Sometimes we might use these moments as opportunities for meditation or mindfulness practice. But usually we just tune out. Distraction isnt necessarily bad. In fact, it can be a very effective strategy for enduring pain or distress (Kleiber and Harper 1999). The distinction lies mainly in your underlying attitude toward whats happening in the present. Do you resent the wait and feel desperate to move on, making yourself miserable as you try to focus on your book? Or do you wholeheartedly accept your present experience of waiting, while turning your attention to an interesting novel?

Given that waiting is a reality of our existence, we have little choice but to find a way to be in these moments. When things are poised to be the way we want them, but theyre not quite there, what kind of attitude is healthiest or most effective? In the present, is it best to keep focusing on something we expect or want to have in the future, or, similarly, to ruminate on what happened in the past?

For much of life, things happen when they happen. The bus arrives when it arrives, not necessarily when it should arrive. Our soup is warm when its warm, as a function of how much heat it receives over time. We can generally do things to influence this process, like take a different bus route (or write a complaint letter to the transit authority) or buy a more powerful microwave, but even in those moments, were still waitingwaiting while wishing for some other experience.

• Notice how your body responds to waiting. Do you keep looking down the street for the bus? Do you keep hitting the elevators close door button? Whenever the urge to reject your waiting time surfaces, see if you can bring your attention to the moment before taking action. Resist the urge, and instead bring your attention to the experience of not acting on it. How does this feel?
• When waiting, bring your attention to your breathing. Notice each breath going in and out of your body. Consider this time as a precious opportunity to practice mindfulness and integrate awareness into your daily life.
• Notice your facial expression. What kind of face are you making? Are you carrying any stress or tension in your brow or jaw? See if you can change your relationship to this present moment of waiting by greeting it openly and with a slight smile.