Malone A. - Football Wit: Quips and Quotes for the Football Fanatic

CAN YOU MANAGE IT?

Theres only one
certainty in football:
managers get sacked.

Brian Kerr

Steve McClaren has achieved the
unique feat of making even Sven
Goran-Eriksson look good.

Ian Ridley

There are two types of manager:
those whove just been sacked and
those who are just about to be.

Howard Wilkinson

Barry Frys management is
based on the chaos theory.

Mark McGhee

For me to win the Manager of
the Month award I would have
to win nine games out of eight.

Sheffield Uniteds Neil Warnock in 2003

Youre not a real manager
until youve been sacked.

Malcolm Allison

Even Ferguson and Wenger
had their recurrent weaknesses;
neither, to take a common instance,
appeared capable of distinguishing
a top-class goalkeeper from a
cheese-and-tomato sandwich.

Patrick Barclay

Alex Ferguson is the best manager
Ive had at this level. Well, hes the
only manager Ive had at this level.

David Beckham

Arsene Wenger and Alex
Ferguson dont conduct post-match
pleasantries as a general rule. The
Arsenal manager would, however,
be happy to crack open a bottle of
red with his Manchester United
counterpart provided he could use
the Scots head as a corkscrew.

Andrew Fifield

If a manager isnt fired with
enthusiasm hell be fired
with enthusiasm.

Joe Lovejoy

The easiest team for a manager
to pick is the Hindsight Eleven.

Craig Brown

A manager must buy cheap and
sell dear. If another manager rings
to ask me about a player Ill say
Hes great, super lad, goes to
church twice a day. Good in the
air, two lovely feet, make a great
son-in-law. You never tell them he
couldnt trap a bag of cement.

Tommy Docherty

Chelsea have just launched
a new aftershave called The
Special One by U Go Boss.

Pat Flanagan after Jose Mourinhos shock
departure from Chelsea in September 2007

Anyone whos thinking of applying
for the job of Scotland manager in
the next eight or nine years should
go and get themselves checked
out by about 15 psychiatrists.

Martin ONeill

The secret of being a good
manager is to keep the six
players who hate you away from
the five who are undecided.

Jock Stein

If Mickey Mouse had taken charge,
it would have given the place a lift.

Mike Walker on Everton in 1994

I have come to the conclusion
that nice men do not make
the best managers.

Graeme Souness

Matt Busby was the eternal
optimist. In 1968 he still believed
that Glenn Miller was just missing.

Patrick Crerand

Great leaders inspire their men
to glory. Steve McClaren will be
remembered as a wally with a brolly.

Daily Mail

The three greatest football
managers of all time were Jock
Stein, Jock Stein and Jock Stein.

Doug McLeod

IGNORANCE IS BLISS

When God gave
Paul Gascoigne his
enormous footballing
talent, he took his
brain out at the same
time to even things up.

Tony Banks

An oxymoron is when two
contradictory concepts are
juxtaposed, as in footballing brain.

Patrick Murray

When I signed Jim Holton from
Shrewsbury for 100,000, Harry
Gregg told me I had a player
who didnt know the meaning
of the word defeat. I told him
defeat wasnt the only word he
didnt understand. There was
also pass, control, dribble

Tommy Docherty

Ponderous as a carthorse and
slow-witted as a football donkey,
its hardly Vinnie Joness fault