Ryan Beauchesne - Crusoe, the Worldly Wiener Dog: Further Adventures with the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe, the Worldly Wiener Dog

Yeah, life is ruff.

I think I actually pack pretty light....

Crusoe, the Celebrity Dachshund: Adventures of the Wiener Dog Extraordinaire

Further Adventures with the Celebrity Dachshund

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This book is dedicated to, well, me.

Because my awesomeness is inconceivable, and because Im probably the only wiener that actually looks good in a Speedo.

Well, well, hello again.

Its me, Crusoecan we say, official?celebrity dachshund. I began my career as the wiener dog who thinks hes more of a celebrity than he really is, and today most would agree Ive finally reached the luminary levels my imagination once aspired to. Yet, it

seems as soon as I stand upon the summit of my achievements, a new peak appears with even taller ambitions of grandeur and break-the-internet heights of fame.

At the time of my last book 21 dog years ago, I was merely a wanting little pup who had only just dipped his paws in the puddle of fame, who had only a single cabinet of outfits, and who had only a couple of odd stamps in his passport. Compare that to now, and I am soaking in the tub of superstardom, sipping on the most expensive bottled toilet water Mum and Dad can afford, and where I once only had a chair to ponder the mysteries of the universe, I now have a whole room, complete with walk-in wardrobe, framed fan art and magazine covers on my wall, and a corner of the carpet to pee on.

Plus, the laundry room is right next to mine so anytime I want a stinky sock to chew on, I just take one.

Furthermore, Ive become a frequent flyer, traveling across North America on tour, sampling cheese from Paris, exploring my heritage in Germany, hiking up ancient temples in Mexico, and so much more. Ive graced countless TV interviews with my presence; I have over a frickin billion video views to my name; Im supposedly a bestselling author; and I can no longer safely geotag my location on an Instagram picture because PEOPLE WILL SHOW UP!

This is where I would queue a tacky rap song with such lyrical anecdotes as, we made it, look where I am, started from the bottom now were here, who-who-who let the dogs out?! mambo number 5!sorry, got carried away at the end thereI do love a good beat!

Life hasnt been all stinky socks and toilet water, though. About a year after my first book came out, I had emergency surgery on my spine. You can imagine what a hit that was to my unshakeable ego. As if that wasnt enough, during my recovery I also lost someone close to me.

I have titled this book, the worldly wiener dog, obviously because of my travels, but in a deeper sense as well. My travels, adventures, and hardships have enlightened me to a different way of seeing things. Money and fame may be the shiniest stones in the mountain stream, but health and happiness are the most precious.

I ended my last book with the words, keep ballin, which is now how I begin this one.

Crusoe

When do they start the snack service?

New York was the first real big city I had ever been to, and it was unlike anything Id ever experienced. Ill admit, I wasnt a huge fan at firstin fact, I really didnt like it, but New York is one city that seems to keep calling me back, and every new visit I make reveals a little more of its impressively unique character.

New York can easily overwhelm you with all the people, smells, and loud noises. Its a world where, for once, I feel small. No one seems to notice the little hot dog darting between the feet of the crowd trying not to get stepped on.

Yet, as soon as someone yells hot dogs for sale! THEN OHeverybody notices!

Isnt this city supposed to be called the Big Apple? Where are all the heckin fruit stands?

The most challenging part of New York is all the concrete. Being a country dog at heart, I still to this day cannot pee on concrete, and it was only very recently that I said **** it and began taking dumps on sidewalks. That took a lot of willpower, let me tell you, but once youre able to just pop-a-squat mid-stroll on your way to the park, it changes you. All the previous insecurities you had in life just go out the window (down the toilet?).

Mum and Dad took me onto the subway for my first time, where dogs are allowed if kept in a bag. I was a little skeptical as you can tell.

I would have preferred a private limo or something, but as Mum so blatantly told me after I said I didnt want to ride with the common folk, Crusoe,