Jim Riswold - Hitler Saved My Life: WARNING—This book makes jokes about the Third Reich, the Reign of Terror, World War I, cancer, Millard Fillmore, Chernobyl, and features … nude photograph of an unattractive

Hitlers Front Porch (1945)

H itler wasnt all bad. After all, he did kill Hitler. And about sixty years after killing himself, he saved my life. In fact, the least nice man in history was nice enough to save my life on more than one occasion over the course of fifteen or so years. What a hell of a guy who resides in hell, that Hitler!

Its also worth mentioning Hitler saved my life in a dress; in a bathtub; on a swing set; in a toy car; on a dollhouse sofa with Himmler, with a tea party fit for a little princess; and in numerous other unusual situations not regularly associated with the Fhrer.

Yes, I know that an odd-mustached man best known for the death of six million members of the Jewish faithnot to mention a whole bunch of Russians, Poles, British, French, Dutch, Belgians, Greeks, Latvians, Norwegians, Americans, Canadians, Australians, Austrians, Czechs, Romanians, Hungarians, fellow Germans, and assorted othersis an unlikely savior and, as such, raises some pesky ethical questions.

Well, thats cancer for you.

HITLER JUST ISNT FOR EVERYBODY

While Im unfamiliar with all the cancer treatments approved by the FDA, I am fairly certain Hitler is not one of them. There are approximately 345 cancer organizations in the world, including the American Association of Hematology, the Association of European Cancer Leagues, the Association of Population-Based Cancer Registries in Germany, the Australian Familial Pancreatic Cancer Cohort, the Flemish Association for Nurses in Radiotherapy and Oncology, the Bulgarian National Cancer Registry, the Canadian Retinoblastoma Society, the Colon Cancer Alliance, the Connective Tissue Oncology Society, the Global Initiative Against HPV and Cervical Cancer, the International Society for Gastrointestinal and Hereditary Tumours, the International Waldenstroms Macroglobulinemia Foundation, the Italian League for the Fight Against Cancer, the Middle East Cancer Consortium, the Multicenter Italian Trials in Ovarian Cancer and Gynecologic Malignancies, the National Cancer Statistics Clearing House, the World Sarcoma Network, and the Zambian Cancer Society, and its a good guess each and every one would take issue with Hitler as a cancer therapy. Hitler just isnt for everybody.

Hitlers Couch

Well, thats Hitler for you.

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Heinrich Himmler was the most ruthless Nazi. He was head of the SS, a particularly ruthless bunch of Nazis, and he said such ruthless things as, The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands respect. Men may hate us. But we dont ask for their love; only for their fear. Another ruthless Nazi, SS-Obergruppenfhrer Erich von dem Bach-Zelewski, said, In my eyes, Himmler was worse than Hitler. It takes some kind of worse to be worse than Hitler. Himmler also had the worst haircut in the Third Reich.

Hermann Gring was the fattest Nazi. He said, Guns will make us powerful; butter will only make us fat. Butter and a whole bunch of German food including, but far from limited to, Saurbraten, Hasenpfeffer, Spanferkel, Weinerschnitzel, Bratkartoffeln, Marzipan, Fischbrtchen, Schweinshaxe, Speckpfannkuchen, Leberkse Mit Spiegelei, Bratwurst, Spatzle, Hendl, Kartoffelsalat, Spargel, Pfefferpotthast, Currywurst, Stollen, Kohlroulade, Pellkartoffein, Speckpfannkuchen, Knigsberger Klopse, Schwarzwlder Kirschtorte, Mettbrtchen, Weihnachtsgans, and Rhabarbergrtze made Gring fat. Fatsos last meal was by far his smallest: it was a cyanide capsule.