Dusti Bowling - Momentous Events in the Life of a Cactus

Moving on without you
Is not something I want to do.

Kids From Alcatraz
(Punk band, est. 2018, Scottsdale, AZ)

ONCE, WHEN I WAS THIRTEEN YEARS old, my parents moved me from the land of flat, grassy prairies and towering, angry tornadoes and life-giving cool country air to the mysterious land of suffocating dust and prickly cactus and life-sucking desert heat to lord over a park of western-themed amusements that bring delight to many young children and a handful of immature grown-ups.

In other words, we moved from Kansas to Arizona to run a theme park, but it sounds much more exciting when I say it the other way, and I want you to think this is going to be an exciting story. What I mean is, its absolutely going to be an exciting story. Prepare yourselves accordingly.

There were lots of changes. It was tough. The kids at my new school acted awkward around me. Things were looking dire. I didnt think I would be able to go on. I nearly gave up all hope until the day I met Connor, because he wouldnt stop barking at me. Connor became the best friend I ever had. Serious bonding occurred. Serious bonding. The kind of bonding that only happens when you pull the most epic steak prank of all time together. Trust me, it was epic and definitely not a complete and total fail, no matter what you may have heard or read.

Then we met Zion, and things got even better. Our trio was invincible. We were like Harry, Ron, and, Hermionebut with far less wizarding. And cloaks. Though cloaks would be amazing.

Connor was one third of us, a puzzle piece we needed to be completethe bacon in our BLT (I was clearly the tomato since tomatoes are red and dont have arms and Zion was the lettuce since lettuce is all wilty). Connor was the third wheel in our tricycle, the third foot in our yard, the third bone in our ear. A BLT without bacon is vegetarian and not worth eating. A tricycle with only two wheels is a bicycle, and bicycles are a serious challenge for me. A yard cant be a yard with only two feet. A person cant hear with only two ear bones. Its science, people.

I tried not to think about Connor as I studied myself in the mirror over my dresser. I was wearing the new green tank top Mom bought me. It had a cute cactus pattern on it I liked, but I turned my head and gazed longingly at the sleeved shirts hanging in my closet.

Nope. It was still well over a hundred degrees outside, and I was not about to backslide after all that had happened last year. I would wear a green cactus tank top. I would wear it proudly, my head held high. And I would wear it on the first day of school.

I turned back to myself, my face full of determination. Which kind of made me look like I needed to use the bathroom. I relaxed my face a bit and did my best to seem blas, which was like the coolest word ever and also how I was going to act about everything this year.

Oh, that kid passing me in the hall just put his hand up to high five me then burst out laughing with his friends? Im so blas I forgot about it the moment it happened.

Someone put a candy bracelet and Ring Pop on my desk? Im so blas I ate them both in one sitting during class and then fell into a deep sugar coma.

Oh, that kid just yelled, Catch! and threw a wadded up paper at me? Im so blas I reacted with lightning-quick reflexes and karate kicked that paper right back in his stupid face. Okay, maybe that reaction isnt exactly blas. But its awesome.