Legs McNeil - Dear Nobody

Dear Nobody,

Tonight I got arrested. I hate saying that, but it happens.

I had a 40 ounce beer in my hand and one in my book bag and I smelled like it. I was walking with my two friends, when this cop pulls up and goes, Is something wrong?

We all said nothing was wrong, but then the cop pointed to me and said, Why does she look so sad?

I made up some bullshit about how my boyfriend and I just broke up, but by then he had already seen the 40 ounce I was hiding in my coat.

They arrested me, but not my two friends, because they had no alcohol on them. My mom picked me up at the police stationand on the way back home we got into a fight over the time when I was twelve and she had pot in her car. A lot, too.

So I just got out of the car and tried to walk my drunken ass home, but it turns out I was walking in the wrong direction. I couldve walked from Reading to Pottstown; thats over twenty miles. Shit, I bet I wouldve kept walking, if I hadnt seen this mall I knew, and was like, Oh shit, what now? I turned around and went to a store I saw closing up. It was after ten. Actually, I had been making pretty good time. Im glad that Im in fairly good shape right now, because I would never have made it if I was sick.

So I had time to think things through.

When I got back to Reading, I let this cop car see me, because it was past curfew and I wanted a ride home. Also, I had a feeling I wouldnt get fined; I figured there was no way, after all this shitthat anything else that fucked up could happen to me.

The cop came into my house and talked with my mom and me. He said he wanted me to grow up to be happy and healthy, and that he wanted me to introduce him to my kids some day, and that he wanted to see me live to grow old.

First off, Ill never have kids.

And secondly, Ill never get old.

Its hard to grow old when youre dead.

Dear Nobody,

Today my mothers boyfriend, Joe, started threatening my lifesaying hed slit my throat and break my neckand that it would be worth the jail time. When my mother tried to protect me, he swore shed be dead in the river with me. She stopped protesting after thatshes a TERRIBLE swimmer.

Then Joe started in with even more violent threats; trying to break us down, the worst way he knew how, like calling me a half-dead motherfucker! When he started to get REALLY violent, my mother ran upstairs to get her pot out of the house so we could call the police. I told him that I wasnt scared of him and to get out of our house now! That made him even angrier, because his threats and bullying were futile against me. I guess he felt powerless. When he went to grab me, my mother jumped in between us and told him to get away from me. He grabbed her armthe same arm I heard snap when my stepfather, Darrell, broke it in front of me when I was eight. Then Joe jerked her towards him. His breath was heaving and his eyes were wide with anger. My defenseless and pathetically weak mother had that familiar fear on her face and was meekly trying to fend him off. Nothing in me snappednothing flashed before my eyes; I remained calm and neutral. SOMEONE had to.

I refuse to live amid anger or fear. I looked directly into his crazed eyes; stared point-blank into his rage, as Im sure no other woman ever has, especially a teenager. I spoke calmly and said, Get off of my mother! Nobody touches her like that! Nobody will hurt my mother, especially not you! You are woman-beating trashgo back to jail!!! (Joe did time for assault and kidnapping, among other things).

He was stunned for a minute, just like Darrell had been when I told him (practically) the same thing. But Joes shock didnt last long. His flood of anger returned quickly enough for him to hurl my mother into a door that had a full-length mirror on it. She fell forward, holding her arm in pain. He was yelling even louder now but I still wasnt scaredmy pulse didnt even raise enough for me to break into a sweat.