Wilkins - My Brilliant Life and Other Disasters

For Pat, Christopher, Joy and Colin.

C. W

Jess, are you even listening? asks Natalie.

Yes, of course I am, I lie. But actually I was miles away, thinking about the comic.

So? says Nat. Im grudgingly transported back to our desks in 6C. I try and turn my blank look into a thoughtful face.

Its nearly the end of lunch on Tuesday. Natalie and Amelia are planning what to do at Amelias sleepover on Saturday. But the thing is, Im absorbed in much more important matters: Ive had a brilliant

idea for a cartoon about a bee and a wasp having an argument.

Well? Nat prompts. Which sweets should we get?

Oh, um. Well, I like fizzy wands, I reply.

Yes, but not everybody likes the fizzy ones, says Amelia.

Honestly, was it really worth interrupting my train of thought for this? Sometimes I just dont think Natalie and Amelia appreciate that I am part of a Global CreativeEnterprise now. (I mean, you know, potentially in the future you have to aim high.) Tomorrow is the big unveiling of the comic fanzine that Ive been working on with Joshua and the others. Im very excited about it.

Well, how about a mixture of both fizzy and non-fizzy sweets? I suggest patiently.

Dont get me wrong; I am super glad that Nat and I made up. Natalie has been my best friend since we first heard tell that Old McDonald was the sole proprietor of a bizarrely musical farm. And it was just awful when we werent speaking last term.

Yes, but which ones? asks Amelia.

But at the same time, I cant help but feel this is too much effort to put into planning a sleepover. Surely sleepovers are just meant to be fun? Sometimes it seems like all they do is admin.

In fact, now I cant quite believe I was so jealous when Natalie went off with snooty new girl, Amelia. Especially as, since being allowed into their special secret world, Ive found out the main activity seems to be list-making.

I dont know, which ones are there? I ask.

Ill make a list, says Nat. (See?) She gets out a pen and paper. Amelia starts dictating, and I feel myself starting to zone out again.

We should definitely get some liquorice, as my cousin Scarlett loves it, Amelia is saying. I cant wait for you to meet her, babes. Shes just amazing.

Babes. I frown. And not Scarlett again. Amelia is so ecstatic that her super-amazing, super-cool cousin can make it on Saturday, thats practically all she can talk about.

If Amelia is to be believed, Scarlett has single-handedly invented fashion, music and the Internet. And my general rule of thumb is: if Amelia thinks something is amazing, I probably wont.

Still, the main thing is, were all getting on reallywell now.

You dont have to come, you know, Amelia says to me then, clocking my expression.

Well, were very nearly getting on really well. Its almost going swimmingly. You know, in the bits where its not going terribly.

Why are you saying that? I ask.

Well, why are you pulling that face? asks Amelia.

What face?

Like, youre above this and Im boring you, says Amelia.

Thats just my face! I protest. Though, in truth, I do think Im above this, and you are boring me, I add, just not out loud. But how did Amelia pick all that up from a frown?

Theres nothing like a good ceasefire. And this is nothing like a good ceasefire. Ha ha. Ive still got it. Hmmm.

Amelia and I are like chalk and cheese. Or, like chalk and a really mean, snooty bully, who joins the chalks school at the start of Year Six and takes the chalks best friend away; and goes on about how unfashionable and immature the chalk is; and forms a secret gang and doesnt let the chalk join it, forcing the chalk to respond by forming a rival secret gang. (I am the chalk in this scenario.)

Though to be fair to Amelia, since we all made up she has pretty much knocked most of that on the head, and shes stopped referring to my clothes as Primarni altogether.

In fact, in a bid to end the turmoil and bury the hatchet represented by our opposing secret gangs (that were never very secret), Amelia united us the only way she knew how: with admin.

Instead of just disbanding our rival gangs, Amelia thought it would be better to merge them under a new umbrella gang name. It had to be a new name, she said, as otherwise wed just want to use our own gangs name.

She wasnt wrong about that my gang had a brilliant name. It was called Awesome Cool Enterprises, or ACE for short (thank you, thank you very much). Amelia and Natalies gang was called Cool Awesome Chicks, or CAC (which I always thought made them sound like one of the milder swear words for poo).

I was working on the comic with Joshua when Amelia discussed new gang names, and when I came back at the end of lunch I discovered that Amelia had settled on: Great United Friends. Or, as it unfortunately spells out: GUF.

Yep. Thats right. Guf. Yes, exactly. Amelia has learned nothing from last term about how acronyms work.

By the time I was able to point out that this made it sound like guff, a word often taken to mean both fart and nonsense neither of which, lets face it, have particularly positive associations the motion had been passed. (Ha ha, motion had been passed.)

Of course, Amelia insists you say it G.U.F., but I think we all know the truth. We could have been called ACE, the idiots.

Still, it was fun making the new cartoon badges for everyone. (Though I resisted the temptation to draw fart clouds even though Joshua double-dared me to. And I wrote G.U.F. in very tiny lettering.)

Back in class, Natalie leaps to my defence against Amelias accusation. Yeah, Amelia, Jess just has a slightly weird face. Thanks, Natalie. Still, at least she is defending me though; that is huge progress on last term.

Hey, Jessica? Were interrupted by Hannah, a girl in our class.

Uh, yes, I reply.

Please can you draw a rabbit on my rough book for me?