Recorded Books Inc. - Miss Witherspoon And Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild Christmas Binge: Two Plays

Miss Witherspoon
and
Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild
Christmas Binge

Works published by Grove Press by Christopher Durang:

The Marriage of Bette and Boo

Laughing Wild and Baby with the Bathwater

Christopher Durang Explains It All for You
(volume includes:
The Nature and Purpose of the Universe
dentity Crisis
Titanic
The Actors Nightmare
Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You
Beyond Therapy)

Bettys Summer Vacation

Miss Witherspoon and Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild Christmas Binge

CHRISTOPHER DURANG

The collection copyright 2006 by Christopher Durang
Miss Witherspoon copyright 2005 by Christopher Durang
Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild Christmas Binge 2002 by Christopher Durang

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, or the facilitation thereof, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review. Any members of educational institutions wishing to photocopy part or all of the work for classroom use, or publishers who would like to obtain permission to include the work in an anthology, should send their inquiries to Grove/Atlantic, Inc., 841 Broadway, New York, NY 10003.

Where Or When, Music by Richard Rodgers, Words by Lorenz Hart 1937 (Renewed) by Chappell & Co. Rights for the Extended Renewal Term in the U.S. controlled by WB Music Corp. o/b/o The Estate of Lorenz Hart and The Family Trust u/w Richard Rodgers and The Family Trust u/w Dorothy F. Rodgers (administered by Williamson Music). All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission.

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that Miss Witherspoon and Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild Christmas Binge are subject to royalties. They are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and all British Commonwealth countries, and all countries covered by the International Copyright Union, the Pan-American Copyright Convention, and the Universal Copyright Convention. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

All inquiries concerning English-language stock and amateur applications for permission to perform Miss Witherspoon or Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild Christmas Binge must be made in advance to Dramatists Play Service. No professional or non-professional performance of the plays may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of Dramatists Play Service, 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016 and paying the requisite fee, whether the plays are presented for charity or gain and whether or not admission is charged. Professional applications for permission to perform the plays, and for those other rights stated above, must be made in advance to Helen Merrill Ltd., 295 Lafayette Street, Suite 915, New York, NY 10012.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Durang, Christopher, 1949

Miss Witherspoon; and, Mrs. Bob Cratchits wild Christmas binge: two plays / by Christopher Durang.

p. cm.

eBook ISBN-13: 978-0-8021-9969-0

1. SuicideDrama. 2. ReincarnationDrama. 3. Dickens, Charles, 18121870 Christmas carol. 4. Scrooge, Ebenezer (Fictitious character)Drama. I. Durang, Christopher, 1949 Mrs. Bob Cratchits wild Christmas binge. II. Title. III. Title: Mrs. Bob Cratchits wild Christmas binge.

PS3554.U666M588 2006

812.54dc22 2006050739

Grove Press
an imprint of Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
841 Broadway
New York, NY 10003

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Miss Witherspoon
and
Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild
Christmas Binge

Graham Greene was famous for making a distinction between his novelshe differentiated his psychological novels with conscienceridden characters from what he called his entertainments, which were his mystery books.

Ive been wanting to adopt this same distinction in my own work between my satiric, dark comedy plays and my entertainments, such as my parodies and what I might call my friendly, silly plays.

If you grant me this satiric/dark comedy works vs. entertainments distinction, this volume contains one of each.

Miss Witherspoon is not a satire, but it is a darkish comedy about a woman who commits suicide because she finds the world too scary and upsetting, and who is steadfastly refusing to reincarnate. Its actually not as harsh as some of my satires; its also rather a fable; and in terms of tone, I like to say its a comedy to make you worry.

And Mrs. Bob Cratchits Wild Christmas Binge is very much intended as an entertainment. Its a playful reimagining of the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol, in which the usually long-suffering Mrs. Cratchitwho in the Dickens tale has almost no lines and sits in a chair knitting while poor Tiny Tim limps around the househas in my version become imbued with a feisty rejection of all the endless suffering around her and proclaims her desire to go get drunk and then jump into the Thames River.

Thus, suicide seems to be a theme in both playswhich I didnt even think about until I wrote this introduction, partially because Mrs. Cratchit is so full of lively resistance to her given fate in life that her threats of ending her life are more emphatic railings than true intentions.

You know, shes like those lovable people in your life who say, I swear you kids drive me crazy, Im going out to the garage, shut the door, and turn on the ignition! And then, depending on your age, you say, Oh, Mummy, please dont kill yourself. And then she gives you food, and goes and takes a pill and a nap; and you eat the food while whimpering, and get very fat in later life.

Albert Camus wrote in his famous The Myth of Sisyphus: There is but one truly serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. Do you know that quote? Do you like it? I always like to remind myself of that quote every morning, right before I decide whether to have coffee or to move to the Netherlands where I think they let doctors help you kill yourself. But then you have to use your passport, and the Bush administration might easily stop you at the airport, mistake you for a terrorist, and send you by rendition to a country where you will be tortured. So better stick with the coffee.

George W. Bushor the Pigheaded President Who May Destroy the Planet and Cause the World to Come to an End, as hes nicknamed in my houseis not mentioned in my play Miss Witherspoon.

But in that title characters obsessive fears of terrorism, climate change from global warming, and her total distrust that anyone in charge of anything can be of any use to anybody, she and the play seem steeped in the fears and controversies that have dominated the reign of Bush II.

Theres a lot about the afterlife in Miss Witherspoon.

Miss Witherspoon, though raised a Catholic (like me), finds herself in an Eastern afterlife with an Indian guide named Maryamma, and with lots of instructions about karma, learning life lessons, and preparing for her next incarnation back on earth. Miss Witherspoon explains over and over that she doesnt want to go back to earth, and struggles against it mightily, but in the end she well, read it and see.