Durang - Christopher Durang explains it all for you: six plays

Christopher Durang
Explains It All for You

Also by Christopher Durang

A History of the American Film

The Marriage of Bette and Boo

Laughing Wild

Christopher Durang
Explains It All
for You

SIX PLAYS BY

CHRISTOPHER DURANG

Copyright 1983 by Christopher Durang

Introduction copyright 1983 by Christopher Durang

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CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that these plays are subject to a royalty. They are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and all British Commonwealth countries, and all countries covered by the International Copyright Union, the Pan-American Copyright Convention, and the Universal Copyright Convention. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is laid upon the question of readings, permission for which must be secured by the authors agent in writing.

The amateur performance rights to all the plays in this volume except BEYOND THERAPY are controlled exclusively by the Dramatists Play Service, Inc., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, New York 10016. No amateur performance of any of the plays may be given without obtaining in advance the written permission of the Dramatists Play Service, Inc., and paying the requisite fee.

All inquiries concerning performance rights (other than amateur rights) for the plays in this volume except BEYOND THERAPY should be addressed to Helen Merrill, Ltd., 295 Lafayette Street, Suite 915, New York, New York 10012.

All inquiries concerning the amateur and professional performance rights for BEYOND THERAPY should be addressed to Samuel French, Inc., 45 West 25th Street, New York, New York 10010.

All inquiries concerning performance rights (other than amateur and professional production rights) for BEYOND THERAPY should be addressed to Helen Merrill, Ltd.

THE NATURE AND PURPOSE OF THE UNIVERSE copyright 1971, 1979 by Christopher Durang. DENTITY CRISIS copyright 1979 by Christopher Durang. TITANIC copyright 1981, 1983 by Christopher Durang. THE ACTORS NIGHTMARE copyright 1982 by Christopher Durang. SISTER MARY IGNATIUS EXPLAINS IT ALL FOR YOU copyright 1982 by Christopher Durang. BEYOND THERAPY copyright 1981,1983 by Christopher Durang

Published simultaneously in Canada

Printed in the United Slates of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Durang, Christopher, 1949

Christopher Durang explains It all for you : six plays / by Christopher Durang

p. cm.

ISBN: 978-0-8021-3232-1

eISBN: 978-0-8021-8892-2

I. Title.

PS3554.U666A61990

812.54dc90-36867

Grove Press

an imprint of Grove/ Atlantic, Inc.

841 Broadway

New York, NY 10003

Distributed by Publishers Group West

www.groveatlantic.com

To Stephen, Wendy, and Elizabeth;

and

to my mothers sense of humor

Contents

Introduction

First there is the solar system.

Within the solar system is the earth. Near the earth is the sun. Apparently Copernicus was right, and the earth does revolve around the sun. Thus the Catholic Church was wrong to make Galileo recant and, according to Brecht, Galileos recanting foreshadowed the lack of scientific responsibility that led to the discovery of the atom bomb and the general misuse of atomic power.

Also nearby is the moon.

My earliest memories are as a gleam in my fathers eye. My father fought in World War II and landed on Normandy Beach on D day. After that he returned to New Jersey, where he met my mother.

In 1948 I recall being inside my mothers womb. Freud was right about its soothing, secret qualities. Jung was correct about the various symbols and the collective unconscious.

My birth on January 2, 1949, I have repressed. (Repression is a gift from God, and we must honor it as such.) I was born in Montclair Hospital, Dr. Nathan Ram the doctor in attendance. Harry Truman was president. I was circumcised, presumably by Dr. Ram, and baptized, presumably by a priest. My parents and their families were very Catholic. This was to influence my writing and my digestion.

I liked rocking chairs, and was a well-behaved child. I recall in my crib understanding from my mother that it was wrong to hold an Eeyore doll between my legs. My mother, like the Catholic Church, had no interest in whether the Eeyore was consenting or not; some things are wrong because they are wrong.

My parents fought a great deal, sometimes when driving cars, and this was fairly harrowing. I was encouraged by my mother and by her sister Marion to pray to God that the arguing would stop, and that Russia would be converted to Catholicism, and that my mother would give me brothers and sisters. My parents eventually divorced, Russia has not to my knowledge converted, and my mother suffered through three still-births. As Sister Mary Ignatius points out, all our prayers are answered, its just that sometimes the answer is no.

I wrote my first play in the second grade of Our Lady of Peace School. It was more or less plagiarized from the I Love Lucy episode where Lucy has a baby, and was two pages long. Eisenhower was now president. My parents were too lazy to build a fallout shelter in our basement, so we would have to trust in prayer to protect ourselves from nuclear attack.

I was taught by nuns until seventh grade, when I switched to an all-boys Catholic prep school taught by very intelligent and nice Benedictine priests. I briefly attempted to be a juvenile delinquent and smoked Marlboros for about a month but stopped, as I was very short and looked silly.

The school was on the grounds of a monastery, and my junior and senior years I spent a few weekends joining in the daily routine of the monastery. Prayers, then breakfast, then prayers, then lunch, then prayers, then dinner, then prayers, then sleep. I found the predictability quite attractive. I was going to join the monastery right after high school, but they said I should wait. And then I just stopped believing in all those things, and I never did join the monastery. I became a depressed undergraduate.

I went to non-Catholic Harvard. I had written plays all during high school, but in college dried up. My daily routine eventually degenerated into skipping my classes, sleeping all day, cleaning bathrooms (my term-time job), and going to the movies. This obsessive movie-going eventually inspired A History of the American Film. The bathroom cleaning hasnt inspired anything as of yet.