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ALSO BY CALVIN TRILLIN About Alice
A Heckuva Job
Obliviously On He Sails
Feeding a Yen
Tepper Isnt Going Out
Family Man
Messages from My Father
Too Soon to Tell
Deadline Poet
Remembering Denny
American Stories
Enoughs Enough
Travels with Alice
If You Cant Say Something Nice
With All Disrespect
Killings
Third Helpings
Uncivil Liberties
Floater Alice, Lets Eat
Runestruck
American Fried
U.S. Journal
Barnett Frummer Is an Unbloomed Flower
An Education in Georgia

To Alex and Briantwo daddy laureates.

Contents

Let the Games Begin

Whatever problems Washington is facing, Campaigning is what gets its blood a-racing. Before the 06 midterm vote was in, The top consultants there began to spin Scenarios about that vote and why It showed 08 was natural for their guy. But as the midterm voting day drew near, The GOP began to have some fear That theyd be beaten right across the nation. Heres how the press surmised the situation: The Bush economy is out to sea, And scandals now have rocked the GOP. Its leadership had known for quite a while They harbored there on their side of the aisle A person who for absolutely ages Was sending come-on notes to teenage pages.

And Bushs war, still raging unsubsided? Its clear by now that voters have decided His wars a crimeand as the leading perp hes About as high up in the polls as herpes.

We Got Those Wall-to-Wall 24/7 Damage-Control Blues

(As sung by the Bush Administrations Down Home Singers)They leaked that NIE that said IraqsProducing terrorists and such in stacks,So even winning sort of means to lose.We got those wall-to-wall 24/7 damage-control blues.Then Woodward writes that Bush is bubble boyAs clueless as those dudes defending TroyAnd Rumsfeld is a Queeg with shortened fuse.We got those wall-to-wall 24/7 damage-control blues.Then Foleys creepy messages appear,And Dennis Hasterts known for a year,So he cant claim the leaders had no clues.Iraq each day brings worse, more violent news.If we cant find some gays to bash, well lose.This stuff could drive the boss man back to booze.We got those wall-to-wall 24/7 damage-control blues.
The GOP felt land about to slide An attitude Karl Rove could not abide. Republicans will triumph, Rove insisted. Had he hatched plots, nefarious and twisted?

One Possible Explanation for Karl Roves Confidence About the Midterm Elections

One simple stroke by Rove could yet eraseThe burdens that the GOP has carried:Theyd simply say theyd foiled a bombing plotBy two gay Muslims who had just been married.
But Rove was wrong. The midterm was a rout. Whatever that election was about, Whichever words Bush used as a disclaimer, This lame duck president was now much lamer.

He said hed work with Democrats once more. Thats sort of what hed said six years before Before, that is, he saw himself as Thor Destroying evil in a holy war. He tried to reestablish some rapport By showing Donald Rumsfeld out the door.

An Opponent of the War Attempts to Say Farewell to Donald Rumsfeld with at Least a Modicum of Courtesy

The killing in Iraqs gone on this longBecause you think the strong cant say theyre wrong.To be so wrong so often is a curse,But being arrogantly wrong is worse.Still, briefings were a hoot. Our favorite feature?That toneexactly like a third-grade teacherExplaining math to those forevermoreToo slow to get promoted to grade four.So may you find, as down lifes road youre wending,More folks to whom youre always condescending.
Though many found Don Rumsfelds exit pleasing, Approval ratings stayed well south of freezing. So Bush was done, observers would contend: His term had ended long before the end.

Within just weeks, the presidential story Was whose committees were exploratory. And bloggers speculated who might join Newt Gingrich, spotted lurking in Des Moines, Where Edwards had so often paid a call Hed almost lost his Carolina drawl. And others were beginning to remember The beauty of a cornfield in December.

After Tuning in to the Sunday Talk Shows

to See What the Sabbath Gasbags Have to SayThey talk of nothing but 08And wholl emerge triumphant whenThe voting booths are finally closed.But what are we to do til then?
The Democrats said what we need is change From Bush. Well, sure, but here is something strange: Republicans themselves could not ignore Katrina and the wretched, endless war.

The Almost-Rans: Republicans

Republican insiders once agreed, When contemplating whod most likely lead Their presidential ticket in 08, George Allen was the perfect candidate.

The Almost-Rans: Republicans

Republican insiders once agreed, When contemplating whod most likely lead Their presidential ticket in 08, George Allen was the perfect candidate.

He fit whats often valued by the Right: Quite cheerful, Reaganesque, and not too bright. His 06 Senate race was called a breeze, But then one comment brought him to his knees. He said macaca in a way that fully Revealed that he was nothing but a bully. The deed was done that fast: Within a beat This man was set to lose his Senate seat. One message should have then been learned by all: That YouTubes always lurking in the hall.

YouTube

(Sung to the tune of Hambone)YouTube, YouTube,What you got?Allen in a nasty spot.With that spot his bid goes south.Allen should have watched his mouth.Allens race is over; itsVictim of a million hits.

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