Terri Cheney - Modern Madness
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- Book:Modern Madness
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- Publisher:Hachette Books
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- Year:2020
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Terri Cheney paints a compelling picture of the mind of someone with mental illness, helping us to understand what it must feel like and causing us to sympathize with, not fear, those who suffer. Her book is a real stigma-busterand a must-read.
Elyn Saks, author of New York Times bestseller The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness, 2009 MacArthur Genius recipient
Ive read dozens of books and articles while researching my documentary about bipolar disorder, Of Two Minds. Nothing illustrates the humanity of someone living with a mental illness like Terris storiesall told with warmth, humor, exquisite language, and unwavering honesty.
Lisa Klein, director, Of Two Minds and The S Word
Cheneys chilling account of her struggle with bipolar disorder brilliantly evokes the brutal nature of her disease. Manic has heart and soul to spare.
People
Cheneys book is a gut-wrenching ride.
Los Angeles Times
Superb Cheneys remarkable chronicle of her painful odyssey is as eloquent as it is brave. It is also profoundly necessary, both for her and for us.
Providence Journal
[A] gritty, vibrant memoir brings this chaotic frenzy to life through disaster and despair to end in hope.
Peter C. Whybrow, MD, author A Mood Apart
As the father of an adult son with a severe mental illness, I found myself choking with emotion as I read Terri Cheneys riveting and illuminating account of her childhood growing up with bipolar disorder. Cheney provides us with important insights from the eyes of the most innocent among usour very own children.
Pete Earley, New York Times bestselling author of Crazy: A Fathers Search Through Americas Mental Health Madness
Rewind the life of any adult with bipolar and you will find a childhood we would all desperately like to forget. Terri Cheney unflinchingly remembers at long last, someone with the courage to break the silence.
John McManamy, author of Living Well with Depression and Bipolar Disorder
Manic: A Memoir
The Dark Side of Innocence: Growing Up Bipolar
Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended only as an informative guide for those wishing to know more about health issues. In no way is this book intended to replace, countermand, or conflict with the advice given to you by your own physician. The ultimate decision concerning care should be made between you and your doctor. We strongly recommend you follow his or her advice. Information in this book is general and is offered with no guarantees on the part of the authors or Hachette Go. The authors and publisher disclaim all liability in connection with the use of this book.
Authors note: To the best of my ability, I have re-created events, locales, people, and organizations from my memories of them. In order to maintain the anonymity of others, in some instances I have changed the names of individuals and places, and the details of events. I have also changed some identifying characteristics, such as physical descriptions, occupations, and places of residence.
Copyright 2020 by Terri Cheney
Cover design by Amanda Kain
Cover photograph Serghei Turcanu/GettyImages
Cover copyright 2020 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.
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First Edition: September 2020
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Cheney, Terri, 1959 author.
Title: Modern madness : an owners manual / Terri Cheney.
Description: New York : Hachette Books, [2020] | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020014355 | ISBN 9780306846304 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780306846281 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Mental illnessPopular works. | Cheney, Terri, 1959
Classification: LCC RC460 .C46 2020 | DDC 616.89dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020014355ISBNs: 978-0-306-84630-4 (hardcover); 978-0-306-84628-1 (ebook)
E3-20200729-JV-NF-ORI
To Nancy Bacal and Dr. Geoffry White, who have kept me just sane enough all these years
I WAS SITTING NEXT TO Michael Jackson, admiring his feet. Michael Jackson had surprisingly big feetfarm boy feet, with some heft to them. They didnt match the rest of him: the delicately chiseled nose, the whispery voice and waif-like persona. I was mesmerized. I kept picturing him defying the laws of gravity and motion, sliding up and back and off the floor like he was wearing invisible ice skates, ice skates with wings.
Looking back, there was indeed something extraordinary in that room, only it had nothing to do with Michael Jacksons feet. It was the mere fact that I was sitting there as one of his attorneys, representing him in a big, messy lawsuit involving one of the most successful albums of all time. That was me, all rightcounselor to the stars. The voice of reason and restraint, in a gray Armani suit and a gorgeous white silk shirt Id bought especially for the deposition, because it had these long, elegant French cuffs that would just about hide the virulent red slashes across my wrists Id acquired from a recent suicide attempt.
Hiding had become an art form with me. I covered up the damning signs of depression with a thoroughness and frenzy that is painful to remember: pleadings prepared by flashlight in the dead of night, so no one could see how ravaged I looked; prolonged disappearances due to increasingly fictional ailments; lies piled upon tottering piles of lies. But the mania was a different story. The mania was always on full display.
I thought faster, I wrote better, I could argue the devil out of his soul when I was manic. I was glorious, bionic, at the top of my game, and I knew it and used it against anyone who came too close. Sex was mine for the asking, money and influence, too, and I owed it all to maniaincluding my proximity to Michael Jackson and his like. But no matter how lofty and impervious I appeared, depression could swoop in and lay me low without a word, without warning: the devil demanding a rematch.
Then it was back to hiding all over again.
Bipolar disorder wasnt a familiar term back then. It was still called manic depression, and it was something someones batty old uncle once had. Certainly no one admitted to it by choice, and I wasnt about to start. Nobody knew what was going on with mefor a long time, I didnt even know myself. I just knew that something was terribly wrong; that something had always been terribly wrong; and that the world wasnt ready to find that out.
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