Ralph Milton - Well Aged

Well Aged

The Gift of Story

The Spirituality of Grandparenting

Julians Cell

The Essence of Julian

Angels in Red Suspenders

Is This Your Idea of a Good Time, God?

God for Beginners

Making the Most of Your Platinum Years

Ralph Milton

Copyright 2021 Ralph Milton

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without prior permission of the publisher or, in the case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a licence from Access Copyright, .

Douglas and McIntyre (2013) Ltd.

P.O. Box 219, Madeira Park, BC , V0N 2H0

www.douglas-mcintyre.com

Edited by Derek Fairbridge

Cover design by Anna Comfort OKeeffe

Text design by Shed Simas / Ona Design

Printed and bound in Canada

Printed on 100 % recycled, FSC -certified paper

Douglas and McIntyre acknowledges the support of the Canada Council for the Arts, the Government of Canada, and the Province of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: Well aged : making the most of your platinum years / Ralph Milton.

Names: Milton, Ralph, author.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20210280417 | Canadiana (ebook) 20210280433 | ISBN 9781771623100 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781771623117 ( EPUB )

Subjects: LCSH : Older people. | LCSH : Aging.

Classification: LCC HQ 1061 . M 54 2021 | DDC 305.26dc23

Life is never lived alone. My life is intimately tied to the life of Bev, who agreed to share it with me more than sixty-four years ago. This has been especially true during these last years when, as retired seniors, we are together 24/7. The friendship and the love have grown in these years, even more so in the tiny two-room apartment we share at the Dorchester.

So to:

Beverley Joanne Ingledew Milton

I dedicate this book and my life.

This is not a self-help book. Nor is it a reasoned dissertation on the last years of our lives. It is not a comprehensive or scholarly work. There are no exhaustive or exhausting footnotes. Well Aged simply contains an old journalists thoughts on experiencing the last few decades of lifethe best of it and the worst of it. My objective with this book is to offer a realistic description of life as an older senior.

The platinum leaves on the cover relate to the foundational metaphor for the book. The green leaves of summer are all about growth and energy. But all that chlorophyll drains down to the roots in autumn, and the leaves reveal their true and vibrant colours. The golden age of life. Then in the last years of our lives, the gold changes to the even more precious platinum.

My hope is that the pages that follow will give younger people an insight into what these platinum years are like for those of us who are over eighty. I hope they give us a bit of the feel, the taste, the beauty and the pain of it allthat well come to think of old as a good thing to be. Platinum is even more precious than gold, but softer and more easily marred.

Theres no such a thing as truly objective reporting, but there is such a thing as fairness. Im not a dispassionate observer reporting on this stage of life, carefully articulating every aspect of the experience. I am up to my eyeballs in it, both enjoying and hating it.

But I do try to be fair and kind in my descriptions.

As for the people I describe along the way, youll notice that in most cases I use only first names. The names are fictitious, but the people are real. I tell some beautiful and painful life storiestearful and joyful accounts Ive heard. But Ive disguised them so that nobody can attach them to a specific person. And Ive tried to use my skills as a storyteller to add bits of detail and colour and, sometimes, to combine several stories into one. But the stories are true in the sense that they are about real people and real experiences.

Where Ive used full names, those refer to real people. Im using their story or their information with their blessing.

Many of these stories came to me through a dozen Zoom conferences with a group of twenty-five people who shared their insights week by week on all the many topics covered in this book. Most of them are seniors like me, but a few were invited because of their professional insights. While much of the basic research came from literature on aging, stories shared in the Zoom group added the colour, the texture, the tears and the laughter. To them I am profoundly grateful. I refer to them often as the Zoom gang.

• Beryl Itani, senior, social activist, Kelowna, BC
• Rev. Bob Thompson, senior, retired clergy, Oyama, BC
• Rev. Bob Warrick, senior, retired clergy, Brisbane, Australia
• Eleanor Fox, retired nurse, Kelowna, BC
• Rev. Frances Kitson, clergy, Vancouver
• Rev. Gordon How, senior, retired clergy, Vancouver
• Irene Carter, marriage counsellor, Calgary
• Jake McNair, journalist, Toronto
• Jan Beran, senior, social activist, Ames, Iowa
• Dr. John Birch, senior, retired surgeon, Kelowna, BC
• Rev. Ken Westereng, senior, retired clergy, Kelowna, BC
• Kari McNair, homemaker, Vernon, BC
• Krista Crowder, sales consultant, Kelowna, BC
• Dr. Kristine Theurer, freelance programmer, Vancouver
• Dr. Marion Best, senior, social activist, Naramata, BC
• Rev. Mark Malek, senior, retired clergy, Vernon, BC
• Mary Robertson, senior, retired executive, Naramata, BC
• Miriam Westereng, senior, retired teacher, Kelowna, BC
• Nola Warrick, senior, retired social activist, Brisbane, Australia
• Pat Totton, senior, retired nurse, Kelowna, BC
• Ralph Carter, retired musician, Calgary
• Robert Riddle, senior, retired social worker, Kelowna, BC
• Sharilynn Upsdell, retirement residence chaplain, Kelowna, BC
• Stacey Baker, recreation director, Kelowna, BC
• Terry Welsh, senior, retired actor, Kelowna, BC
• Tom Kemp, retired hospice counsellor, Kelowna, BC

Much of the experience that gave rise to this book happened in the life my wife, Bev, and I are living at the Dorchester, a senior living facility in downtown Kelowna, owned by Revera Inc. The residents and staff have been marvellously cooperative and helpful with the completion of this book. However, at no time have they asked for nor been given any direct influence or control over any part of the book.

Im a journalist. Im not an expert on anything. So dont take any part of this book as advice on things medical or financial. Its not a book of advice at all.

I also feel that its important to note that I am an incurably religious person. I have been involved with the inclusive, liberal movement in the Christian church all my adult life. Bev is an ordained minister in the United Church of Canada. Early in our life together, we lived and worked in the Philippines, and later, for a number of years, in New York, where I worked with the National Council of Churches.