Lynn N. Austin - Candle in the Darkness

CANDLE

in the

DARKNESS

Candle in the Darkness
Copyright 2002
Lynn Austin

Plantation photo: Sylvain Grandadam, Getty
Cover design by The DesignWorks Group

Scripture quotations identified NIV are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW
INTERNATIONAL VERSION . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible
Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 978-1-55661-436-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Austin, Lynn N.

Candle in the darkness / by Lynn Austin.

p. cm. (Refiners fire ; bk. 1)

ISBN 1-55661-436-5

1. VirginiaHistoryCivil War, 18611865Fiction. 2. Antislavery movements
Fiction. 3. Women abolitionistsFiction. I. Title.

PS3551.U839 C36 2002

813'.54dc21 2002010129

CONTENTS

For Ken, always
and for
Joshua, Benjamin, and Maya

Books by

Lynn Austin

FROM BETHANY HOUSE PUBLISHERS

All She Ever Wanted

Eves Daughters

Hidden Places

A Proper Pursuit

Though Waters Roar

Until We Reach Home

While Were Far Apart

Wings of Refuge

A Womans Place

REFINERS FIRE

Candle in the Darkness

Fire by Night

A Light to My Path

CHRONICLES OF THE KINGS

Gods and Kings

Song of Redemption

The Strength of His Hand

Faith of My Fathers

Among the Gods

www.lynnaustin.org

LYNN AUSTIN is the 2002 Christy Award winner for her historical novel Hidden Places. In addition to writing, Lynn is a popular speaker at conferences, retreats, and various church and school events. She and her husband have three children and make their home in Illinois.

Richmond, Virginia 1864

Silvery moonlight slanted through the closed shutters, faintly illuminating Caroline Fletchers bedroom. A pattern formed on the hardwood floor, a pattern that reminded her of prison bars, and she shivered at the thought of what she might soon face.

It was useless to remain in bed waiting for sleep. It refused to come. Carolines mind and heart were much too full. She tossed aside the tangled bedcovers and crossed the room to light a tallow candle. Downstairs, the chimes of the hall clock announced the hour. She paused, counting each stroketen... eleven... twelve. Midnight.

Caroline had lain in bed for more than two hours, whispering urgent, tearful prayers for all the people she loved. But she felt no relief after bringing her concerns to the Lord. Shed pleaded especially for Charles, for Jonathan and Josiah, and for her father and Robert, begging God to keep them alive and safe throughout this long, dark night. And shed prayed that her foolish mistakes and failures would not bring them harm. She hadnt prayed for her own rescue. The water she was now treading was much too deep, the currents too swift for her own safe return to shore.

If she could begin again and not become so entangled in this long, horrible war, would she watch from the sidelines as a spectator this time? Would she choose differently, take fewer risks? Caroline had asked herself these questions countless times and had reached the same conclusion each time. She would do everything the same, walk the same path. But how could she explain her reasons to the people she loved? How could she hope to make them understand?

Her thoughts spun in useless circles as she quietly paced the room. If only she had some paper, then she could write a chronicle of her actions, explaining exactly why she had placed herself and her loved ones in such danger. But finding paper in besieged Richmond was as impossible as finding meatand nearly as costly. Some newspaper editors had resorted to printing their latest editions on sheets of wallpaper.

Caroline halted mid-step. The walls of her front foyer were decorated with imitation marble wallpaper. Her father had purchased it on one of his trading ventures, and although it reminded Caroline of him and of the gentle life theyd once led, perhaps it could now serve a more important function. It was paper, after allsheets and sheets of paper. And what earthly good was wallpaper in a house that Union troops might burn to the ground any day?

She remembered seeing a loose corner of wallpaper that had come unglued beside the library door. Caroline carried the smoky, homemade candle downstairs and set it on the floor near that spot, then knelt to gently peel the paper away from the wall. To carefully strip the entire entrance hall would require more patience than she possessed in her distressed and sleepless state, but before the clock chimed the next hour, she managed to tear away a ragged piece nearly a foot and a half long. It was enough to begin. She would make her script as small as she possibly could.

Praying for the right words and mindful of the urgency of her task, Caroline sat down in the library behind her fathers mahogany desk and began to write.

As I write this by candlelight, Union troops have my beloved city of Richmond under siege. The hall clock tells me that it is well past midnight, but I am unable to sleep. I no longer know what tomorrow will bring, nor do I know when my arrest will comebut Im nowquite certain that it will come. Lying awake on nights like tonight, I listen in the darkness for the knock on my door. I think about Castle Thunder and wonder if I will soon join the gloomy prisoners who peer out from behind the barred windows.

I dont fear for myself but rather for all the people I love. I need to explain why Ive done what I have done, to tell my story in my own words before its told by those who wont understand. They will surely call me a traitor and a murderer, and I suppose I am both of those things. I have betrayed people who trusted me. Men have died because of me. My involvement with certain events in Libby Prison has led to accusations of moral improprieties, but as God is my witness, I am innocent of those charges. Even so, people will believe what they choose to believe. And when a host of vicious rumors is added to the list of my misdeeds, Im not sure anyone will ever understand why Ive acted the way I have. I can only pray that they will try.

I dont fear prison, nor do I regret a single decision Ive made. As the Bible says, No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. I only regret that Ive hurt innocent people. Ive tried so hard never to lie, but I realize as Im writing this that falsehoods can consist of more than wordsand I have been living a lie. For that, I beg Gods forgiveness.

These long, sleepless nights have afforded me plenty of time to think things through. In my mind Ive traveled all the way back to where my journey first began, to the morning I awoke to the sound of Tessie weeping for her son. I need to see if I could have done things differently, made different choices, and perhaps have ended in a different place than I am today. Ive decided to write down my story, telling it from the very beginning. I pray that you will read all of it before deciding if what Ive done was a sin.