Kate Conner - 10 Things For Teen Girls

Copyright 2014 by Kate Conner

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America.

978-1-4336-8291-9

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 305.23

Subject Heading: GIRLS \ TEENAGERS \ CHRISTIAN LIFE

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from the New International Version ( niv ), copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.

Also used: the Holman Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible, Holman CSB, and HCSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

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To all of the dear, beautiful, interesting, incredible teenage girls Ive had the privilege to know. I love you. You are enough.

And for Madeline, my sparkle. I love you every single second.

Acknowledgments

David, Sarah, Dan, and Jana: A million thank yous for reading a million e-mails, editing a million drafts, and answering a million questions. So I guess three million thank yous. You are so, so good at what you do. You made everything better. I am blessed to be on your team.

My friends and family, whose names could fill another book. I am humbled by your friendship. You support, encourage, babysit, laugh, weep, and carry. You are my people. Without you there would be no book.

Jesus, You make me enough. Apart from You I have no good thing. All of this and all of me is from You, and through You, and to You.

Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak. - Rachel Zoe

Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It is not. It is the opposite of vulgarity. - Coco Chanel

Listen, I know: when adults start to talk about modesty you get boredimmediately. Its not your fault. There is an involuntary biochemical reaction bred directly into your brain. It doesnt matter how much you love said adults, or how hard you try to be respectful; it doesnt even matter if youre a super-modest girlbefore you even know whats happening, your eyes glaze over and your brain is all, Here we go again, because youve heard it all before.

I know because it still happens to me. Modesty is a buzzword; I react when I hear it. Usually:

My eyes glaze over. (And, since it is generally frowned upon for adults to roll their eyes, I open mine really wide to force-quit my eye-roll mechanism. So just know that if Im ever looking at you with my eyes bugged out like a fruit fly, its because Im trying not to roll my eyes at you.)

I tune out. Daydream. See how long I can hold my breath without anybody noticing, etc.

I picture white Fruit of the Loom T-shirts under tank tops, the fingertip shorts rule, dresses with sleevesand shoulder pads, bathing suits with skirts attached, and mom jeans.

Another buzzword is midriff. What is a midriff anyway? Is it different from a stomach? I dont completely understand why it needs its own wordunless its to give us clues as to who is speaking. Greater than sixty years old = midriff. Less than sixty years old = stomach.

Talking about modesty feels like a minefield sometimes. There are so many buzzwords that have been twisted and bent and shoved into things they dont really mean. Modesty conversations are like that party game, Taboothe one in which you have to describe an apple without using the words computer, iPod, fruit, red, Mac, pie, or Snow White. If you say modesty, midriff, suggestive, cleavage, unladylike, or the fingertip-rule, everyone stops listening: youre out.

But modesty is not a dirty Christian word. Its not oppressive or archaic, and I bet you arent nearly as opposed to the concept of modesty as you are to the word itself.

Sometimes, in the name of real communication, you have to begin by wading through all of the assumptions and preconceived notions, debunking and disarming as you go, before you can start talking about the stuff that matters.

The way we dress is one such opinion-laden, assumption-laden issue.

There are three realities that you need to understand before I will grab you by the proverbial (or literal) shoulders and shake some sense into you about the shorts crawling up your hindquarters and the fact that you HAVE TO WEAR BRAS.

1. Womens bodies are beautiful. (Thank God, glory, hallelujah, amen.)

2. Men like to look at women.

3. Thats not bad.

Three Realities

Womens bodies are beautiful.

Boys like breasts. As it turns out, they also like other various girl body parts including, but not limited to: stomachs, lips, hair, necks, thighs, calves, feet, hips, backs, shoulders, elbows, ear lobes, and pinky toes.

Boys arent weird or obsessive, theyre just smart. Girls bodies are beautiful. One of the great perks of womanhood is that we get to be curvy and soft and inviting. Guys are angular, muscular. And while thats nice enough, theyre also hairy.

Femininity is a superpower.

Biologically speaking, adolescence is the time when your superpower emerges. Inconveniently enough, adolescence also places you, a newly-christened superhero of a girl, smack in the middle of the wondrous teenage phase of self-discovery. Thats not kitschit really is wondrous.

My teenage experience was completely, totally, over-the-moon magical. When I was fifteen I learned that I was good at writing. When I was sixteen I learned that I liked it. When I was thirteen I traveled to France. I studied the language for eight more years and returned after my college graduation, because the language and culture never left me. I rocked high school, with only a handful of hiccups here and there. (Like the time a boy asked me to the homecoming dance and I didnt want to say no, so I pretended I didnt hear him and just kept walking onto the bus. That was lame. And mean.) I discovered my sense of humor (funny: hyperbole, puns, wit. Not funny: any joke involving a bodily function). I learned what kind of music I liked; I discovered my spiritual gifts; I overcame chronic, compulsive shyness; I spoke out about my faith; I fell in actual love (not with the homecoming/bus boy, obviously).

This kind of self-discovery and self-expression is intoxicatingaddicting! It made me crave more experiences: more concerts, more travel, more movie nights, more cookouts, more surprise parties. More days on the lake, more time with my friends, more hobbies, more road trips. I wanted more and more freedom, not to rebel, but to experience. Self-discovery is deliriously freeing.

Too often, we think modesty is about hiding, which makes sense when all you seem to hear is,

Cover that up.

No one wants to see that.

People will get the wrong idea about you.

That looks trashy.

You will not leave this house wearing that.

The first thing that you need to understand about modesty is that its not about hiding or conformity or oppressing women. Hips and breasts are not shameful body parts to be covered up or embarrassed about. Hips and breasts (no matter how big or small) are secret weapons of awesomeness, and its okay to love them.

Men like to look at women.

Men like to look at women. Even married men. Even happily married men. Even good, kind, respectful, stand-up men. Even Christian men. Men are hardwired to enjoy women.

Says who?

Says God. Says the history of mankind, the animal kingdom, natural selection, the Bible, your pastor, and every teenage boy youll ever meet. The fact that men are hardwired to enjoy women is a fact that pretty much everyone can agree on.