Sarah OLeary Burningham - How to Raise Your Parents: A Teen Girls Survival Guide

How to Raise Your Parents

A Teen Girls Survival Guide

A Teen Girls Survival Guide

By Sarah OLeary Burningham
Illustrations by Bella Pilar

For my parents

Sarah OLeary Burningham

For my daughter, who will one day read and love it!

Bella Pilar

Note: To protect teenagers who shared their stories,

some names have been changed.

Text 2008 by Sarah OLeary Burningham.

Illustrations 2008 by Bella Pilar.

All rights reserved.

The illustrations in this book were rendered in gouache paint.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Burningham, Sarah OLeary.

How to raise your parents : a teen girls survival guide / by Sarah OLeary Burningham ; illustrated by Bella Pilar.

p. cm.

eISBN 978-0-8118-7292-8

1. Parent and teenager. 2. Teenage girlsUnited StatesAttitudes. 3. Teenage girlsConduct of life. 4. Teenage girlsLife skills guides. 5. Communication in the family. I. Title.

HQ799.15.B86 2008

646.780835dc22

2007010034

Chronicle Books LLC

680 Second Street, San Francisco, California 94107

www.chroniclekids.com

Parents Should Come with Instruction Booklets

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Five Reasons It Rocks to Be a Teenager

1. Youre not a kid anymore

2. You dont have to pay taxes

3. Summer vacation

4. Prom night and that super-hot dress youre going to wear

5. When youre in a bad mood, you can blame it on being a teenager

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Five Reasons It Sucks to Be a Teenager

1. Youre not an adult

2. Your earlier-than-everybody-elses curfew

3. There are 365 days in a year and almost half of them are school days

4. Homework

5. These four little words: Because I said so

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When you were born, your parents read stacks of books, watched videos, and got tons of advice on raising children. But you got squat about how to handle them. That was fine when all you really needed was a few good meals and a regular diaper change, but now things are different (even though you could still use a good meal). Just like they relied on What to Expect When Youre Expecting, you need some advice on how to survive the fights, earn their trust, and get them to treat you like an adult.

Lets face it: Parents should come with an instruction booklet. What if the cable guy just dropped your dish off on the doorstep without giving you any directions or help? You wouldnt have a clue how to hook it up, much less actually get it working. Its the same with your parents. Without instructions, how are you supposed to know what makes them tick and which buttons will totally set them off? What tools do you need to fix them when they break down or when things between you get rusty? And once you get things running smoothly, what do you need to do to keep them that way? Consider this book a crash course in raising your parents. Its the all-inclusive guide the cable guy forgot to drop off, with countless tips for decoding your parents, developing a good relationship with them (yes, its possible), and keeping things running smoothly.

When I was a teenager, my need to be an individual kept me at constant odds with my parents. We fought about curfews, boyfriends, whether my shorts were too short, my shirts too low, my grades too average, and everything in between. They were always hounding me about how much gas Id left in the family car or telling me I needed to stop being so moody. (Moody was their favorite word for about three yearshearing it still makes me nauseous.) A parental instruction book wouldve seriously made my life easier or at least saved me from some of those late night We Know Best discussions.

Im not trying to bash my parents; I was far from the perfect teenager. There was the time I fell asleep watching stupid British comedy reruns at a guy-friends house and got home 3 hours late for my curfew. I knew I was in deep when I pulled up to the house and the light in my parents bedroom was still on. I didnt even stop to take off my shoes when I walked through the front door. I went straight to their room, heart pounding, and started to make excuses. Lets just say it wasnt pretty. I was grounded for so long, and I didnt see my guy friendor anyone else for that matterfor weeks. (And I know my parents still think I was up to no good, even though I was sound asleep on the couch. I swear.)

Then there was the time that news of my small birthday party spread around the entire tenth grade and almost 500 people showed up at my house to celebrate. I was worried that there wasnt enough cake, but my parents were freaking about people parking on the grass and making a mess of the basement. I guess I can relate a little, but come on, grass grows back and my friends and I picked everything up. Why couldnt they just relax and enjoy the party?

Why are parents so protective? Sure, they love you, but cant they stop worrying for at least one Friday night? Are they really that scared of you growing up? In a word, yes. For your parents, the thought of you driving, when just a few years ago you could hardly ride a bike, is totally overwhelming. They just barely taught you to look both ways when crossing the street. How can you already be dating and making college plans? Before you start raising your parents, remember that they are as new to this as you are. They mean well, but theyre totally clueless (and not in the Alicia Silverstone way). Even if theyve had teenagers before, theyve never had to deal with you as a teenager, and they desperately need help adjusting to the fact that youre suddenly capable of handling some things on your own. Its a new ball game, so dont be hard on them. Well, not too hard, youll want to give them a little run for their money.

Happy reading!

Parent Profiles

Before you can actually start raising your parents, you have to decide which categories they fall into. Think of it as figuring out which table theyd be sitting at during lunch if they were your age.

The look: Linen pants, Birkenstocks, and a yoga mat

Nags you about: Talking about your feelings, spending time with the family