Max Dubrow - Ill Give It to You Straightish: What Your Teen Wants You to Know

To my fellow teens who have felt alone and lost in this complicated world: I truly hope you find solace, and that my shared experiences help your parents support you with compassion and understanding. And to my amazing family, who have been there for me every step of the way.

Copyright 2021 by Max Dubrow and Dr. Judy Ho

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

Published by Flashpoint Books, Seattle
www.flashpointbooks.com

Produced by Girl Friday Productions
www.girlfridayproductions.com

Design: Rachel Marek
Development & editorial: Katherine Richards
Production editorial: Jaye Whitney Debber

Cover photography by Greg Loza

All images courtesy of the author except:
(glitter), aDrew/SS (SS: Shutterstock)

ISBN (paperback): 978-1-954854-30-7
ISBN (e-book): 978-1-954854-23-9

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021916288

First edition

A s a parent, I always seek out resources to help my kids, but sometimes they are the best resource of all. Max has insights well beyond her years, and I learned so much by reading this book. I wish Id had a guide like this when she was younger. I could have avoided a lot of rookie parenting mistakes.

In this book, Max takes us on a journey of what it actually feels like to be a teenager today. She talks about how teens are trying to navigate life and what they need us to know. Dr. Judy Ho does an amazing job of adding her expertise to help us fully understand the workings of the modern teenage mind.

The way we grew up is vastly different than what our kids are going through, and thats essential to understand. In addition to all of the normal growing pains we experienced as teens, todays kids have social media, the internet, instant access to almost anything, and an impossible bar to reach to access a four-year college. As Ive seen firsthand with my children, even with good, solid parents, counselors, and friends, the task of getting through this period of time can be isolating and daunting. Finding ways to communicate with your kids is key. Parents typically want to talk at their kidsteach them and impart their wisdomwhen what they should be doing is listening.

As a mother with four kids, I want to say thank-you to Max for writing such an open, honest, raw (and sometimes uncomfortable) account of your experiences with life, anxiety, sexuality, and beyond. You will help so many people by sharing these thoughts and stories.

Heather Dubrow

(Oh, and, Max, if you are reading this... as your mother, I want to say I am immensely proud of you for taking a dark time in your life and using it to help others. I love you.)

H i! Im Max Dubrow. I am so excited you are here to read this book. Well, Im excited... and Im also a little nervous. Nervous because in the pages ahead, I share a lot about my personal experiences and what theyve taught me (and what I hope they might be able to teach others). Dont get me wrongthis is definitely not a teen tell-all full of melodrama and gossip; its more like a teen tell-some, with the some being shared to help illuminate the lessons Ive learned as a young person navigating the modern world.

I would have never thought of myself as a person who would be sharing much of anything with an audience in this way. Ive struggled with anxiety, including social anxiety, since I was eleven. So putting myself out there is one of the things that makes me want to just curl up in my bed all day.

The truth is that Ive had to be somewhat out there for a while, though. My parents have starred in the reality TV shows The Real Housewives of Orange County and Botched since I was nine and eleven, respectively. While I dont remember most of it, and I never really had to be involved in much of the TV and filming stuff, I do remember growing up with our lives not being entirely private. And I remember being part of the social media communityand having a presence therefrom a young age.

Still, I was most comfortable kind of leading my somewhat low-key life. But something happened in the last few years that changed that and made me want to put my own voice out into the world: I came out as bisexual. I had so many teens reach out, thanking me for being open about my sexuality, that it made me realize how little teen queer representation there was. I decided that I could use my platform to help broaden this representation, and in August of 2020, I started my podcast called Ill Give It to You Straightish.

When I first started Ill Give It to You Straightish, I knew I was going to talk about my experiences as a teen in Gen Z. I hoped in doing so, I would help make teens who were having experiences similar to mine feel less alone and maybe even discover a different approach to working through or solving their problems. On the podcast so far, Ive covered topics such as sexuality, plastic surgery, and mental health. Its been so rewarding, but its also been challenging to share my experiences. Not only because these are so personal to me but also because sometimes Ive felt like I dont know enough to be giving advice on how to manage the teenage years. Im still a teen, living and learning my way through it. But what Ive realized is that I can share whats worked for me and the insights Ive gained from my parents or other adults, and people can take and leave what they want.

One thing I didnt expect, however, was the fact that a lot of parents started listening to what I had to say on the podcast. They wanted to learn and hear what its like from the teen perspective, and lets face it, if theyre parents of teens or soon-to-be teens, they may not be hearing much from their own children. (If youre reading this, fellow teens, I really am on your side; I wont give away all our secrets, but I will try to share enough to help your parents better understand the challenges we face today and how they can best support you.)

Because of the outpouring of love and support from many parents and teens across the country about my podcast, I decided to write a book. It seems like the issues teens are facing only continue to growhello, global pandemic and an increasing takeover of technology, not to mention worries about climate change and greater awareness and activism around racism. And these feel unique to todays teen generationno adult had to face the same mix of issues when they were our age. Its more important now than ever to offer an insider perspective that may lead parents to discover a new approach to helping their kids through changes and challenges.