Tim OBrien - If I Die in a Combat Zone: Box Me Up and Ship Me Home

Books by Tim OBrien

If I Die in a Combat Zone
Northern Lights
Going After Cacciato
The Nuclear Age
The Things They Carried
In the Lake of the Woods
Tomcat in Love

Names and physical characteristics of persons depicted in this book have been changed.

lo maggior don che Dio per sua larghezza / fesse creando / fu de la volont la libertate

The Divine Comedy
Par. V, 19ff.

I ts incredible, it really is, isnt it? Ever think youd be humping along some crazy-ass trail like this, jumping up and down like a goddamn bullfrog, dodging bullets all day? Back in Cleveland, man, Id still be asleep. Barney smiled. You ever see anything like this? Ever?

Yesterday, I said.

Yesterday? Shit, yesterday wasnt nothing like this.

Snipers yesterday, snipers today. Whats the difference?

Guess so. Barney shrugged. Holes in your ass either way, right? But, I swear, yesterday wasnt nothing like this.

Snipers yesterday, snipers today, I said again.

Barney laughed. I tell you one thing, he said. You think this is bad, just wait till tonight. My God, tonightll be lovely. Im digging me a foxhole like a basement.

We lay next to each other until the volley of fire stopped. We didnt bother to raise our rifles. We didnt know which way to shoot, and it was all over anyway.

Barney picked up his helmet and took out a pencil and put a mark on it. See, he said, grinning and showing me ten marks, thats ten times today. Count themone, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Ever been shot at ten times in one day?

Yesterday, I said. And the day before that, and the day before that.

No way. Its been lots worse today.

Did you count yesterday?

No. Didnt think of it until today. That proves todays worse.

Well, you shouldve counted yesterday.

We lay quietly for a time, waiting for the shooting to end, then Barney peeked up. Off your ass, pal. Companys moving out. He put his pencil away and jumped up like a little kid on a pogo stick. Barney had heart.

I followed him up the trail, taking care to stay a few meters behind him. Barney was not one to worry about land mines. Or snipers. Or dying. He just didnt worry.

You know, I said, you really amaze me, kid. No kidding. This crap doesnt get you down, does it?

Cant let it, Barney said. Know what I mean? Thats how a man gets himself lethalized.

Yeah, but

You just cant let it get you down.

It was a hard march and soon enough we stopped the chatter. The day was hot. The days were always hot, even the cool days, and we concentrated on the heat and the fatigue and the simple motions of the march. It went that way for hours. One leg, the next leg. Legs counted the days.

What time is it?

Dont know. Barney didnt look back at me. Four oclock maybe.

Good.

Tuckered? Ill hump some of that stuff for you, just give the word.

No, its okay. We should stop soon. Ill help you dig that basement.

Cool.

Basements, I like the sound. Cold, deep. Basements.

A shrill sound. A womans shriek, a sizzle, a zipping-up sound. It was there, then it was gone, then it was there again.

Jesus Christ almighty, Barney shouted. He was already flat on his belly. You okay?

I guess. You?

No pain. They were aiming at us that time, I swear. You and me.

Charlie knows whos after him, I said. You and me.

Barney giggled. Sure, wed give em hell, wouldnt we? Strangle the little bastards.

We got up, brushed ourselves off, and continued along the line of march.

The trail linked a cluster of hamlets together, little villages to the north and west of the Batangan Peninsula. Dirty, tangled country. Empty villes. No people, no dogs or chickens. It was a fairly wide and flat trail, but it made dangerous slow curves and was flanked by deep hedges and brush. Two squads moved through the tangles on either side of us, protecting the flanks from close-in ambushes, and the companys progress was slow.