Terry Pratchett - Only You Can Save Mankind

by TERRY PRATCHETT

Yet another one for Rhianna

INTRODUCTION

Chapter 1 The Hero with a Thousand Extra Lives

Chapter 2 Operate Controls to Play Game

Chapter 3 Cereal Killers

Chapter 4 No One Really Dies

Chapter 5 If Not You, Who Else?

Chapter 6 Chicken Lumps in Space

Chapter 7 The Dark Tower

Chapter 8 Peace Talks, Peace Shouts

Chapter 9 On Earth, No One Can Hear You Say Um

Chapter 10 In Space, No One Is Listening Anyway

Chapter 11 Humans!

Chapter 12 Just Like the Real Thing

About the Author

Other Books by Terry Pratchett

Cover

Copyright

About the Publisher

This is Only You Can Save Mankind, the first book about a boy called Johnny Maxwell. Hes English, but then, no ones perfect.

Its been a long time since the book was first published, and we had to ask ourselves: How much should we change for this new edition? And the answer was: Not much.

After all, a books a done and finished thing, a sort of picture of the time in which it was written. No one expects Tom Sawyer to have a skateboard (sighbut I expect hell be given one, someday). So we havent made very many alterations to this book. Weve changed some of the slang and a few little details to make things clearer, and left it at that. Theres no point in giving your dad a pair of Newrocks, pushing him into the mosh pit, and trying to pretend hes fourteen.

But maybe there are one or two things I should point out. Only You Can Save Mankind was written during the Gulf Warnot the one weve just had, which was the sequel, but the one more than ten years ago. I hope no one intends to make it a trilogy.

Computers were just getting powerful enough to run realistic-looking games, although they were pretty clunky by todays standards. At the same time, people were watching the first video war. Every night the news showed the views from bombsight cameras, in what looked like live action, often presented by General Stormin Norman Schwarzkopf, who was in charge.

On your computer: games that looked like war. On your TV: a war that looked like a game. If you werent careful, you could get confused.

Oh, and mobile phones werent that common, at least for kids. If you were away from home, you had to use a phone attached by a wire to the wall. It was terrible.

Terry Pratchett
2004

T HE M IGHTY S CREE W EE E MPIRE
IS POISED TO ATTACK E ARTH !

O UR BATTLESHIPS HAVE BEEN
DESTROYED IN A SNEAK RAID !

N OTHING CAN STAND BETWEEN E ARTH AND THE
TERRIBLE VENGEANCE OF THE S CREE W EE !

B UT THERE IS ONE STARSHIP LEFT
AND OUT OF THE MISTS OF TIME COMES ONE WARRIOR,
ONE FIGHTER WHO IS THE LAST H OPE OF C IVILIZATION !
YOU!

YOU ARE THE S AVIOR OF C IVILIZATION .
Y OU ARE ALL THAT STANDS BETWEEN
YOUR WORLD AND C ERTAIN O BLIVION .
Y OU ARE THE L AST H OPE .

ONLY YOU CAN SAVE MANKIND!

A CTION -P ACKED WITH N EW F EATURES !

J UST LIKE THE R EAL T HING !

F ULL -C OLOR S OUND AND S LAM -V ECTOR G RAPHICS !

Suitable for IBM PC, Atari, Amiga, Pineapple, Amstrad, Nintendo. Actual game shots taken from a version you havent bought.

Copyright 1992 Gobi Software, 17834 W. Agharta Drive, Shambala, Tibet. All Rights Reserved. All company names and product names are registered trademarks or trademarks of their respective companies.

The names ScreeWee, Empire, and Mankind are trademarks of Gobi Software 1992.

J ohnny bit his lip and concentrated.

Right. Come in quick, let a missile target itselfbeep beep beep beebeebeebeebon the first fighter, fire the missilethwumpempty the guns at the fighterfplat fplat fplat fplathit fighter No. 2 and take out its shields with the laserbwizzlewhile the missilepwwoshtakes out fighter No. 1, dive, switch guns, rake fighter No. 3 as it turns fplat fplat fplatpick up fighter No. 2 in the sights again up the upcurve, let go a missilethwumpand rake it with

Fwit fwit fwit.

Fighter No. 4! It always came in last, but if you went after it first, the others would have time to turn and youd end up in the sights of three of them.

Hed died six times already. And it was only five oclock.

His hands flew over the keyboard. Stars roared past as he accelerated out of the melee. Itd leave him short of fuel, but by the time they caught up, the shields would be back and hed be ready, and two of them would already have taken damage, andhere they comemissiles away, wow, lucky hit on the first one, die die die!, red fireballswssshtake shield loss while concentrating fire on the next oneswssshand now the last one was running, but he could outrun it, hit the acceleratorggrrRRRSSHHHand just keep it in his sights while he poured shot after shot intoswssh.

Ah!

The huge bulk of their capital ship was in the corner of the screen. Level 10, here we comecareful, carefulthere were no more ships now, so all he had to do was keep out of its range and then sweep in and We wish to talk.

Johnny blinked at the message on the screen.

We wish to talk.

The ship roared byeeeyooowwwnn. He reached out for the throttle key and slowed himself down, and then turned and got the big red shape in his sights again.

We wish to talk.

His finger hovered on the Fire button. Then, without really looking, he moved it over to the keyboard and pressed Pause.

Then he read the manual.

Only You Can Save Mankind, it said on the cover. Full Sound and Graphics. The Ultimate Game.

A ScreeWee heavy cruiser, it said on page seventeen, could be taken out with seventy-six laser shots. Once youd cleared the fighter escort and found a handy spot where the ScreeWees guns couldnt get you, it was just a matter of time.

We wish to talk.

Even with the Pause on, the message still flashed on the screen.

There was nothing in the manual about messages. Johnny riffled through the pages. It must be one of the New Features the game was Packed With.

He put down the book, put his hands on the keys, and cautiously tapped out: Die, alein scum/

No! We do not wish to die! We wish to talk!

It wasnt supposed to be like this, was it?

Wobbler Johnson, whod given him the disk and photocopied the manual on his dads copier, had said that once youd completed level 10, you got given an extra 10,000 points and the Scroll of Valor and moved on to the Arcturus Sector, where there were different ships and more of them.

Johnny wanted the Scroll of Valor.

Johnny fired the laser one more time. Swsssh. He didnt really know why. It was just because you had the joystick and there was the Fire button and that was what it was for.

After all, there wasnt a Dont Fire button.

We Surrender! PLEASE!

He reached over and, very carefully, pressed the Save Game button. The computer whirred and clicked, and then was silent.

He didnt play again the whole evening. He did his homework.

It was Geography. You had to color in Great Britain and put a dot on the map of the world where you thought it was.

The ScreeWee Captain thumped her desk with one of her forelegs.

What?

The First Officer swallowed and tried to keep her tail held at a respectful angle.

He just vanished again, maam, she said.

But did he accept?

No, maam.

The Captain drummed the fingers of three hands on the table. She looked slightly like a newt but mainly like an alligator.

But we didnt fire on him!

No, maam.

And you sent my message?

Yes, maam.