Bruce Miller - For a Football Fan Who Has Everything: A Funny NFL Football Book

FOR A FOOTBALL FAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING

A Funny NFL Football Book

Bruce Miller & Team Golfwell

For a Football Fan Who Has Everything, A Funny NFL Football Book, Copyright 2022, Pacific Trust Holdings NZ Ltd. All rights reserved for the collective work only. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for brief quotations as would be used in a review.

Stories and jokes in this book are fictitious and meant for entertainment purposes only. The NFL records in this book may have changed but are believed to be accurate at the time of writing.

This is the eleventh book in the series, For People Who Have Everything. Cover by Queen Graphics. Images are from Shutterstock or Creative Commons.

ISBN 9798844637162 (Amazon hardcover)

ISBN 9798844636288 (Amazon paperback)

ISBN 9781991048110 (Ingram Spark Epub)

ISBN 9781991048127 (Ingram Spark hardback)

ISBN 9781991048134 (Ingram Spark paperback)

The Jaguars havent been to a Super Bowl . A group of businessmen is in Jacksonville for a company meeting. They decide it would be fun to catch a Jags game. One of them calls up the ticket office to set it all up.

"Would we be able to get 50 tickets all grouped together?"

"One second, let me check.......... Sure, we can do that."

"Can we get them on the 50-yard line?"

"One second let me check...... Yeah, that can be done."

"Oh, by the way, what time is kickoff?"

"One second let me check........ What time can you be here?"

Its the same thing . If youre mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to go play on the freeway. Its about the same.

-- Bob Golic, NFL defensive tackle from 1979-1992.

Two Detroit Lions fans died and went to hell. The Devil comes in on the first day to see the torment the men are going through. But to his surprise, the men are singing, and just having an enjoyable time. So, the Devil turns up the heat.

Again, to his surprise, the men are having fun.

So, on the third day, the Devil turns the weather into freezing. To the Devil's absolute shock, the men are jumping around, whooping and hollering.

When he asks why they are celebrating, one of them responds, "Cold day in hell, Lions must be in the Super Bowl!"

Food . Football isnt football without food. How many layers of dip should I make? Not gonna lie, Im here for the food. Tackling this game one snack at a time. I gotta prepare for those victory snacks. Pride, passion and pretzels Im eating like a champion today.

-- Anon.

Training . What do you mean I snack too much while watching football? Im actually in training to eat at Super Bowl party level.

-- Anon.

God loves the Jets . An Italian, an Englishman and a New Yorker are granted an audience with God. The Lord lets them ask a question about the future.

The Italian asks, Im a big F1 racing fan. When will Ferrari win another World Championship?

In 20 years, says God.

The Italian wails, Im an old man. Ill never get to see my team win a championship. He starts to cry.

The Englishman asks, Im a big soccer fan. When will England win another World Cup?

In 50 years, says God.

The Englishman wails, Im an old man. Ill never get to see my team win a championship. He starts to cry.

The New Yorker asks, Im a big NFL fan. When will my New York Jets win a Super Bowl?

God starts to cry.

Let them tell you . "When you're good at something, you'll tell everyone. When you're great at something, they'll tell you."

-- Walter Payton. Former Chicago Bears running back.

Basketball vs. Football. When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.

-- George Raveling, Former college basketball player and Coach at Washington State University, the University of Iowa, and the University of Southern California.

Sidenote. On August 28, 1963, Martin Luther King Jr. waved goodbye to an audience of over 250,000 people attending "March on Washington" and Raveling was there having volunteered to provide security on the podium with Dr. King. George asked him if he could have the speech. King gave him the original typewritten "I Have a Dream" pages.

George kept the original and was offered more than three million dollars for the speech in 2013 which he declined.

In 2021, George gave it to Villanova University. It is intended to be used in a long-term "on loan" arrangement.

No one noticed me . Obviously, I didn't get looked at and didn't get recruited by Fresno State or any other school in the nation, to be honest. It has always been my goal to go into every game and show you why you should have recruited me, why you should have offered me.

-- Josh Allen. Some facts about Josh you might not know, Josh received no scholarship offers from any NCAA Division I programwhether in the top-level FBS or second-tier FCS.

San Diego State made him an offer to walk on, but Allen turned it down because Aztecs coach Rocky Long couldn't guarantee any playing time. In a 2017 story on Allen, ESPN journalist Mark Schlabach speculated on why Allen got so little interest out of high school,

At the time, Josh was about 6-foot-3 and 180 pounds. He hadn't attended the elite quarterback camps and wasn't a widely known prospect.

His high school team didn't participate in many 7-on-7 camps because Josh and many of his teammates were busy playing baseball and other sports.

He was the leading scorer on his basketball team and pitched on the baseball team, reaching 90 mph with his fastball.

Despite that, in 2020, Josh led the Bills to their first division title and playoff victory since 1995.

He also set the Bills franchise records for single-season passing yards and touchdowns, while earning Pro Bowl and second-team All-Pro honors.

Josh brought the Bills to a consecutive division title the following year (the franchise's first since 1991) and became the first NFL quarterback to have a touchdown-scoring drive on every offensive possession of a game.

He is an avid listener of oldies music, which he says keeps him calm before games. His pregame playlist includes entries by Frank Sinatra ("That's Life"), Sammy Davis Jr., Elvis Presley, Paul Anka ("Put Your Head on My Shoulder"), and Billy Joel ("The Stranger").

Josh Allen

Immediate concern . "What's weighing on my mind is how soon I can get a Bud Light in my mouth after this win."

Peyton Manning.

Peytons nickname, "The Sheriff" came from his tendency to call an audible prior to the snap.

Manning is thought by many to be one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

Peyton also said, Pressure is something you feel when you dont know what the hell you are doing.

When asked who his toughest opponent was he said Ray Lewis Ravens linebacker was the toughest. Ray 6 1 240 lbs. led the Ravens' record-setting defense, which established a 16-game single-season record for the fewest points allowed (165) and the fewest rushing yards allowed (970), to victory in Super Bowl XXXV.