Danielle Jata-Hall - Im Not Upside Down, Im Downside Up: Not a Boring Book About PDA

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IM NOT
UPSIDE DOWN,
IM
DOWNSIDE UP

Not a Boring Book About PDA

Harry Thompson and
Danielle Jata-Hall

Illustrated by Mollie Sherwin

First published in Great Britain in 2022 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

An imprint of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd

An Hachette Company

Copyright Harry Thompson and Danielle Jata-Hall 2022

Illustrations Mollie Sherwin 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library and the Library of Congress

ISBN 978 1 83997 117 4

eISBN 978 1 83997 118 1

Jessica Kingsley Publishers policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

Jessica Kingsley Publishers

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50 Victoria Embankment,

London, EC4Y 0DZ, UK

www.jkp.com

Oh, hi there. I bet you are looking for the usual boring bits. Well, you wont find them here! You are in a PDA world now, which is like the real world but where everything is turned upside down. If you want a technical explanation then you had better head to the back of the book because for now, if you dont mind, I am going to let you know how it is experienced from the inside.

P eople see the sun and they think its a new day. I see the moon and think that this is a much better time for the day to begin. Can you see the bed? Have you noticed that Im not in it? Oh, you werent expecting me to be in it, were you? I hope not because that wouldnt exactly stop the bed from being empty now, would it?

In fact, if you were expecting me to be snuggled up under the duvet, I would have stepped outside into the cold and laid myself down on the hard concrete, and even though I would be extremely uncomfortable, I would still be happy knowing that I was doing the exact opposite of what youd be expecting me to do.

I would cleverly trick you into thinking that all this time we have been getting it wrong: beds are not just for sleeping in. In fact, I know way funner things to do with a bed, like using it as a trampoline to practise my somersaults or using it as a storage space for my bogies, and even better than that: using it as a giant piece of chewing gum (my dad hates it when I do this, which makes me want to do it even more)!

You see, I can be very forceful with my points, especially when I get into what Mummy calls my tsunami mood. I think if my teacher were to give me homework where I had to explain how sleeping in beds would be the most pointless thing ever then maybe they would find I would be willing to do it for once. And that really is saying something because I never, EVER, do stupid, boring homework. I would go on about it all day and night until there isnt a person on this earth who hasnt either got rid of their bed or put it to better use.

Do you get the picture now? I will not, under any circumstances, be anywhere near that stupid bed at least not for sleeping. I mean, do you think cave people slept in a bed? And why doesnt anyone consider the beds feelings in all this? Doesnt the bed have any say at all? I just want humans to see that they have actually been unkind to beds for years, as, night after night, they lie on top of their poor foamy victims. Beds have rights too, you know!

So thats what happens when people expect me to do normal things like a normal little girl, even on the smallest of scales; the slightest expectation makes me bristle.

Perhaps you are wondering where I am? Well, now you know that the bed is out of the question, I encourage you to have another look.

Yes, thats right, and no, your eyes are not deceiving you: I am upside down in the dogs bed. Do you want to know something else? I dont even own a dog. This is my bed that I sleep inwell most nights, lets say. Upside down, of course. And by night I mean very late at night in other words, very early in the morning.

Mummy tells me I dont get enough sleep. And I always say to her that I dont like the thought of missing out. What if something big happens and Im not there to see it? And what if the world decides to play tricks on me when Im not looking?

I like being upside down its the only way I can sleep. I think it might even be good for me. It sends all the blood to my brain, after all, and having a healthy brain is important to me because when I am told what to do by people, my brain is my trustiest weapon. When I am told what to do, its like I am being attacked. My heart starts to race, and I have to find a way to escape the danger. The excuses my brain can quickly come up with often save my life.

I may look upside down, but to me, the world makes more sense from this angle. In fact, I prefer to see myself as downside up.