Vera G. Shaw - Hillary Clinton Haiku: Her Rise to Power, Syllable by Syllable, Pantsuit by Pantsuit
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- Book:Hillary Clinton Haiku: Her Rise to Power, Syllable by Syllable, Pantsuit by Pantsuit
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The poetic form of the haiku is pretty old, widely known, and occasionally kinda funny. In these ways it resembles Hillary Rodham Clinton. Now this insightful collection of poetry distills the essential details of HRC into seventeen syllables where thousands of articles and biographies fall shortor, rather, long. Hillary Clinton Haiku will not only help you make the right, informed decision at the pollswhatever that may bebut it will also help make the vast contemporary machine of politics, glass ceilings, and scandal a little easier to swallow.
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This book is a parody and has not been prepared, approved, or authorized by Hillary Clinton.
Copyright 2015 by Sarah Schweig
Cover design by Catherine Casalino
Cover illustrations by Vera Shaw
Cover copyright 2015 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the authors rights.
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First ebook edition: October 2015
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ISBN 978-1-4555-3164-6
E3
W e often confuse
images with realities,
words with actions.
Hillary Rodham,
Thesis, Wellesley College, 1969
F rom youthful ambition to imminent world domination, it is incontestable that Hillary Rodham Clintons life is the stuff of poetry. And in this high-speed internet age of TMI (Too Much Information), this age of the listicle and the tweet, this age of TL; DR (Too Long; Didnt Read), why wouldnay, why shouldanyone peruse anything longer than seventeen syllables (or, you know, thereabouts)?
Therefore, I am pleased to present to you Hillary Clinton Haiku: Her Rise to Power, Syllable by Syllable, Pantsuit by Pantsuit, a collection that distills the essential details of HRC where thousands of articles and biographies fall shortor, rather, long.
I believe (and I think soon you will too) that the haikua traditional form of Japanese verse that is both simple and elegantis the perfect vehicle to honor the simple elegance of the preeminent politician of our time.
It is my sincerest hope that you enjoy this clarifying and expeditious read. God bless you, and God bless America.
Vera G. Shaw
Cankle A condition wherein any gracefully tapering transition from the calf portion of a leg and the ankle portion is virtually impossible to discern to the human eye.
FLOAR First Lady of Arkansas (AR).
FLOTUS First Lady of the United States.
LMAO What kids these days call Laughing My Ass Off. (Pronounced here as each letter: L-M-A-O.)
LOL What the kids these days call Laughing Out Loud. (Pronounced here as one syllable.)
Pantsuit A fashionable ensemble worn by women (i.e., Hillary) consisting of color-coordinated trousers and jacket.
POTUS President of the United States (i.e., Hillary Bill Clinton).
Scrunchie Fabric-covered elastic device made for holding back and/or up human (i.e., Hillary) hair.
Y Why (as in, Oh God, why?!).
YOLO You Only Live Once.
M a bent to Pas needs.
Hill hoped to rocket outta
there. NASA: No girls.
C oke-bottle plastic
frames, framed by blond locks, stubborn
as she would end up
M a says fight back. When
Lil Hillary wins: I can
play with the boys now.
H ow you gonna dig
yourself out of this? Dad says.
Literal Hill thinks
L il Hill, dont worry.
Those Park Ridge school-kid voters
just do not know squat.
P resident at last!
(Of a class of debutantes.)
Hippie Hill in slacks.
A south wind blew north.
Who was this charming man?! thought
each girl on campus.
T he Lake District at
twilight finds Bill asking Hill
to be his wife. Nah.
H ill refused to nix
her name, remained Hillary
Diane Rodham, Esq.
I t sounds like just what
it is. A whole lot of nuts
and for what for what
H itched First Lady of
Arkansas dreams of campaigns,
buys headbands instead.
B ill plays governor
happily in the mansion,
Hills job pays the bills.
C ommittee meetings,
Easter egg hunts Where has it
gone, my ambition?
P artner at law firm!
Make more bling than Bill! Who wears
the real pantsuit now?
G overnor Clinton
comes to Lamaze. H. Rodham
pops out a lil girl.
W hat a tall glass of
water, thought quite a few Lil
Rock women. (Scandal?)
B ecause kids without
dads are precarious boats
in turbulent seas.
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