Palast - Armed Madhouse

The Best Democracy Money Can Buy:

The Truth About Corporate Cons, Globalization, and High-Finance Fraudsters

(Plume, 2004)

Democracy and Regulation:

How the Public Can Govern Essential Services

(with Jerrold Oppenheim and Theo MacGregor)

(United Nations-ILO-Pluto Press, 2003)

FILM

Bush Family Fortunes

(British Broadcasting Corporation Program, 2003)

SPOKEN WORD CD

Weapon of Mass Instruction

(Alternative Tentacles, 2003)

Whos Afraid of Osama Wolf?,

China Floats, Bush Sinks,

The Scheme to Steal 08,

No Childs Behind Left, and

Other Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Class War

DUTTON

DUTTON

Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.
Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.); Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England; Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephens Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd); Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd); Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi-110 017, India; Penguin Group (NZ), cnr Airborne and Rosedale Roads, Albany, Auckland 1310, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd); Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Published by Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Copyright 2006 by Greg Palast
All rights reserved

REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA has been applied for.

ISBN 1-4295-0165-0

Portions of this book have appeared in some form in Harpers magazine, the Guardian and Observer newspapers, The Nation, In These Times, Lobster , TomPaine.com, Alternet.org and Old Trout .

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

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While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

To Gil and Gladys Palast. The originals.

Do not destroy oil wells.

President George W. Bush

Whos zoomin who?

Aretha Franklin

At the age of 25 most people were finished. A whole goddamned nation of assholes driving automobiles, eating, having babies, doing everything in the worst way possible, like voting for the presidential candidate who reminded them most of themselves.

Charles Bukowski

THE BEGINNING
Like the Cowardly Dog He Was

CHAPTER 1
THE FEAR
Whos Afraid of Osama Wolf?

Including Marines in a tube, learning to speak Terrorist, Bushs Khan job, National Security Document 199-I and Osamas Mission Accomplished. What are you afraid of? Our Fear Salesman-in-Chief has something for everyone.

CHAPTER 2
THE FLOW
Trillion Dollar Babies

A five-and-a-half-part tale including Nose-Twists Hidden Hand, Kissingers man in the dream palace, the No-Brainer vs. The Witches Brew, the Other Downing Street memo, the Houston Insurgency, Amys alligator boots, Mr. 5%, a call to Riyadh, Wolfowitz Dmmerung and especially the oil.

CHAPTER 3
THE NETWORK
The World as a Company Town

The holistic system of systems, petro-dollars, electro-dollars, the assassination of Hugo Chvez, Euro-nations, Mundells Toilet and coming down from Hubberts Peak. Mr. Friedman tees off.

CHAPTER 4
THE CON
Kerry Won. Now Get Over It

because theyre putting 08 in their pocket. Republicans just seem to have that winning spirit. They also have caging lists, felons of the future, rotting ballots, snuffed canaries, and a lock on the votes of Kissinger-Americans and the undead.

CHAPTER 5
THE CLASS WAR
Hope I Die Before My Next Refill

Dispatches from the war of the movers and shakers against the moved and shaken, including No Childs Behind Left, the Grinch That Stole Overtime and the Chvez of Louisiana. Welcome to 1927.

THE END
The House I Live In

Insurgency USAJoin Today!

APPENDIX:
Return to Hubberts Peak: Why Palast Is Wrong

Acknowledgments, Sources, and Resources

Index

Illustration Credits

The Armed Madhouse Soundtrack

About the Author

Like the Cowardly Dog He Was

President Jeb Bush declared his reelection victory early, in August, before the machines were fully programmed, but the results were nevertheless assured. President Jeb accepted a call from Hillary Kerry Gorethe virtual candidate, put up as quadrennial opponent, designed to losewho always made the same moving concession speech, American democracy has triumphed again, written for her by Karl Rove. The official voting wont take place until November.

Our nation, Vice-President Kate Harris assures us, is safer and more prosperous than at any time in our history.

But there are dissenters from this happy new Americashivering in their basements: Michaelites with their icons of St. Moore. The film-director/holy man was martyred when, through a rapid expansion caused by self-righteousness and fried food, he simply exploded onstage at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, a fitting end given his final film, I Hate the Bushes So Much I Could Explode!

There are few complaints, certainly none expressed openly after the Health Insurance Riots of 2009 when the last licensed union members were removed to Guantnamo. Orange Suit City is now Americas eighth largest metropolis, safer and more prosperous than ever.

Still, every morning, the Rio Grande chokes with swarms of obese, illiterate Texans wading across to their 70-cents-an-hour jobs in the maquiladoras of Jurez.

Now, more than ever, America is the Lords land. Wal-Mart super-mega stores have metastasized into monumental Retail Cathedrals where true believers in cheap and disposable appliances come to pray and pay.

And we are well entertained. We have 11,000 TV channels, with every program chosen personally by Rupert Murdochs brain, now wired up in a pickle jar on the desk of Fox network president Roger Ailes. Tonight, Bill Clinton launches his fourth autobiographywith even more whoppers than the last three: I was born in a log cabin mobile homeI did not sleep with that woman Hillary!

The sovereign government of Iraq is still holed up, as it had been for the past decade, in the U.S. embassy in Baghdad. This week, Iraqs President du Jour declared his own reelection victory. Iraq is safer and more prosperous today than at any time in Iraqi history, he said as mortar rounds whumped into the compound.